I wasn't sure where I wanted to post this but sexual orientation seemed like a good fit so here we go. Last night I was going to eat with my dad and my brother and while we were driving I was texting my best friend. My dad asks who I was messaging and I told him I was texting my friend and we were just talking about how he was going to be going to an event with his girlfriend's family and it meant that I won't see him for almost 2 weeks. He text me "I'm going to really miss you man" and I sent him a "I'll miss you too bro" reply. Now as I was just casually talking about our phone conversation with my dad and brother and brought up the fact that me and my best friend are going to miss each-other he says "that sounds really fuckin gay" and my brother also blurts out "that's really gay" then my dad goes "what is up with that?". I just shrug my shoulders and then my brother changes the conversation to something else and that was the end of that. This whole ordeal didn't really bother me much until I got back home and It has kind of stuck itself in my head. I don't understand why I'm being called gay for missing my best friend. It makes me feel so cold to hear that expressing any kind of love and affection or just concern for another man can be seen as gay. I have a hard time making friends but the few friends that I do have I treat them better than family, I give them the respect and loyalty they deserve, anything that I can do to be a good friend. The reason why I wanted to post this in the sexual orientation is because I wonder how much parents affect a person's sexual orientation? My dad is homophobic and it seems like anytime I've ever shown even platonic love toward a male he calls me gay and anytime there is something on tv involving gay guys on the news or on shows he usually makes fun of them. I usually just kind of tune it out but the more I question my sexuality the more I wonder if my parents feelings towards non hetero people made me afraid of the shame that would be put on me for loving anybody other than a female, I'm sure i'm not the only one that feels this way. Right now I'm trying to get my life on track so I'm not looking to be in any relationship so I don't have to worry much about what my parents think right now but I am sure It'll be a problem down the road regardless of which sex my partner would be I'm sure i'll be judged by my parents.
Heya! Obviously you already know this, but loving someone of the same gender is not gay, just showing our love is what makes us human! Anyways, I don't think a parent can affect their child's sexual orientation. They can cover it and try to convince you that you're something that you're not, but in the end, it never works out. That path leads to self-hated and depression. Also, your dad and brother just simply said some ignorant things. My family is the same way, but I just continue to tune it out or just take the opportunity to be grateful that I'm open-minded and loving, and you obviously are too. Sorry about the short post, I'm really tired and texting 8 people at once lol. Love, (oh ew that's gay) Nate
It’s unfortunate that your dad and brother have to interject their ignorance into your life. You can absolutely love a guy without having a sexual feeling toward them. You are fortunate to have someone you can be that close to- they are probably jealous that you have such a close friend. Whether or not you are gay is for you to discover. For some it is easy, for others is is complicated. It was easy for me to know I was gay, it was difficult for me to accept it and come out. Don’t let their ignorant comments affect you, there are too many people in society that make these demeaning comments for whatever reason. Don’t hide your sexuality from yourself because of someone’s beliefs; especially if they are family members. I believe we are born gay, straight or in between. How our parents have an effect on us is by creating and atmosphere for accepting ourselves. My mother is a crazy bitch who made me want to stay in the closet... by listening to her vile spew, I missed a lot of time where I could have been happy and possibly finding a partner. Be true to yourself if you are gay, embrace it. If not, embrace who you are. Don’t let the BS affect you!! Regardless, we are here to support you!!!
I don't think talking negatively about gay people makes other people who aren't gay into gay people. Do you ever hear of someone talking negatively about straight people turing gay people straight?
Hey @no reality, I agree with the above posters that your parents and family can’t affect your sexuality. However they CAN either positively or negatively affect you on your journey towards self-understanding and self-acceptance if you are questioning your sexuality, as you say that you currently are. If you actually continue to listen to the ignorant, homophobic comments that your Dad and brother make, it could increase your own sense of shame and internalized homophobia, which could significantly hinder you on you journey. As @Naters2000 and @21zephyr said, it is completely possible to have a deep love/friendship with someone of the same sex, but not be sexually attracted to them. In your case, I would imagine that your Dad and brother consider themselves ‘manly-men’ who are extremely reluctant to outwardly express their emotions. They are most likely secretly jealous of you, as @21zephyr said, simply because you don’t feel hindered by expressing your feelings of platonic love/deep friendship for him openly. People often mock what they don’t understand or fear. You ae clearly being much more mature about this than either your Dad or your brother. And their comments are both hurtful to you and present a point of potential anguish for you in that, if you figure out that you are actually LGBTQ, you will face a major potential hurdle in Coming Out to both of them. Alternately, if you figure out that you are actually straight, you seem to be very open and accepting of others, so hearing ignorant hate speech from members of your own family is both disconcerting and painful. The ancient Greeks identified 6 Types of Love Philia, or deep friendship – which seems to be what you’re describing in terms of you friend. Eros, or sexual passion Ludus, or playful love Agape, or love for everyone (sometimes also described as Christian love) Pragma, or longstanding love Philautia, or love of the self http://www.yesmagazine.org/happines...ove-and-why-knowing-them-can-change-your-life The best thing you can do about your Dad’s and brother’s behavior at this point, in my opinion, is to try your best to ignore it and try to refrain from talking about how you feel about your friend in front of them (i.e. don’t give them ammunition). Just my thoughts….
