I'm confused

Goodness, if you’re bi you wouldn’t be lying to your partner!

It’s not uncommon for humans to be aroused by what we perceive as taboo. It doesn’t always mean we want to jump on them. That being said, it’s also not unlikely that you’re bi.

Here are some thought exercises:

1. If you woke up tomorrow as a woman, would you go for men or women?

2. Try imagining a future with a husband and a wife, which do you prefer?

3. For a few days, try telling yourself that you’re gay. Nobody has to know. See what happens. Do you catch yourself daydreaming about the opposite sex?

You might find some clarity in those answers. If you’re straight, great. If you’re bi, also great. If you’re gay, wonderful.

There are also many bisexuals that choose to only date one gender and identify as straight or gay. Personally, I’m a bi girl and I’m dating guys atm.

If you’re gay, you have some options. The most ideal and healthy option is accepting it and finding a boy to start a relationship with. If for whatever reason you absolutely want a heterosexual relationship, maybe try an aromantic ace girl? Dunno, there’s nothing wrong with liking guys. You shouldn’t feel ashamed. Nobody is 100% straight anyway.

 

You say you have become addicted to gay porn and if that's the case you might want to try giving yourself a bit of a break from it. There is nothing wrong with watching porn, but if you are developing an addiction to it you might want to try to break the habit.

I should say that porn isn't a great indicator of our sexuality, but you seem to think about other guys and become aroused even when porn isn't involved, so that does offer a clearer indication.

Do you still feel guilty and horrible for experiencing same sex attraction? If you do, why do you think it is?

You could be bisexual, but from what you are describing you definitely lean more towards the same sex rather than the opposite sex. If you are able to strip out the feelings of guilt/shame you may find that you are being more honest with yourself by saying you are predominantly gay. Either way, you don't need to rush to any conclusions, because you are only 16 and it's normal to have questions about your sexuality while you are a teenager and going through puberty. The main thing is to focus on the horrible and guilty feelings and understand exactly where they are coming from.

You would be lying to a partner if you told them you are straight and I think you would be lying to yourself if you attempt to live a straight life while you have all of these feelings for guys. I definitely would dispute the idea of trying a relationship with an aromantic ace girl (assuming such a thing were even possible). I think you'd be much better working on understanding your feelings before looking for a partner. You have plenty of time for relationships in the future.

 

Hi - I have been going through the same type of thing you are so hopefully this will help. I'm 21, and I was only attracted to girls when I was a teenager. I had multiple girlfriends and never felt an attraction towards other guys back then even when I saw guy friends naked sometimes while we were changing clothes. Then last year for the first time I started having feelings for a male friend, and those feelings became really strong. I was also the first boy he was attracted to. So we decided that we must be bisexual since we both liked girls and each other, and we started dating.

My attraction to males has been increasing ever since then, and now I'm attracted to other men too instead of just him like before. The more time passes the stronger my feelings for him get, and now I'm much more attracted to him than I ever was to my girlfriends before and I'm much less attracted to girls than I was before.

I've talked about this with some of the people on this site recently and I think I was wrong before about being bisexual - It seems like I'm actually gay. That's the first time I've called myself gay on purpose outside of a private message too. It seems like gay people don't actually only have same-sex only attraction for their entire lives, I thought that too at first.

 

This thread has been quite helpful for me. I thought I must be straight for a long time because I had crushes on men on the past or at most bisexual. Now as time passes, my attraction to men diminishes and the men I'd tell you in my early teens they're hot, now they just seem cool but don't make me feel anything beyond an aesthetic admiration.

I thought I couldn't be a lesbian because I had strong crushes and even fantasies about men at some point. I read everywhere on the internet 'I always knew I was lesbian, I didn't care about men, they disgusted me etc.' so I thought this could not possibly be me. But looking back I see the fantasies about men weren't as arousing as fantasies revolving around women. I was forcing them to work.

Awkward.

 

I wish I could tell you this is a phase but I don't know. Most people on here will tell you it means you have the courage to be true to yourself now, more than in the past.

Huh, I think of the same things. I can imagine myself with another woman and at the same time I can't. I never thought I'd be gay. This doesn't match my career options or my self-narrative. If it's true and doesn't change, I'll have to live with it though. And without self-loathing on top of it.

 

Attraction to members of the same sex can remain dormant within us for a long time, but that doesn't mean it wasn't always there. On some level, we may have repressed or denied the feelings - even if it was in a subtle, or subconscious way (repression and denial isn't always apparent to us). Sometimes it takes a special someone, or change in circumstances to awaken all of those feelings and that's been the experience of many members of this forum.

Will you switch back? I think it's very unlikely, based on what you have told us in this thread and my experience is that people don't switch back. Even if you identify as bisexual, it's not simply a case of switching back -- that's not how it works. Most people go through a lengthy process of questioning and introspection before they finally accept who they are and it's that long and rather arduous process that helps us to arrive at a place of certainty about our sexuality, and makes it less likely that we will switch back. At the moment, you are still in the process of questioning and introspection and that's why everything seems in a state of flux.

If you dig down into your feelings and emotions, you'll most likely uncover the cause/s of all of the questioning, but many people resist doing this because it can be painful. It opens up issues from our past or issues with family members and religion and that's quite a heavy mix for most people and something we'd rather not deal with, except on the most superficial level. Unfortunately, superficial attention will not bring us close addressing the real issues so we need to confront everything in order to live and grow as a person. It is worth it!

 

No, I'm not sure, but I think it's unlikely based on what you have told us and also based on what I said in my previous response. Of course, you could try to force the issue and focus on your waning attraction to the opposite sex, but that's not something I would regard as healthy for you or anyone else in your situation.

Many of the ideas about fluidity are over-exaggerated, based on limited research and presented as something very new, when they're really not. As I've said before in other threads, we need to be careful what we say and think about fluidity, because it can create more confusion and doubt and keep people in an unhealthy loop.

You are 16 and I would advise you to just pay attention to your feelings and not try to force anything. Many people will tell you this is "a phase", but in my experience, these feelings are very rarely a phase and we shouldn't ignore them or attempt to suppress them.