So I was at an interview this week with a view to becoming a minister. Fairly early on I was "are you still gay"? I asked why, and I was told, "well you know, some people can change and are fluid". I haven't experienced this person to be overtly homophobic, and the church is largely gay-affirming - but what has really upset me is how insensitive this question was, and that it should even be something that is asked these days. I just think it would be like asking someone "are you still straight?" or "are you still a woman"? Should it even matter what someone is or not?! Am I overreacting, or am I right to think this is not okay?
I would have reacted similarly. It shouldn't matter, and the question shows how much the person asking it has misunderstood about sexual orientation.
It shouldn't matter to the interviewer, unless the "largely gay-affirming" church is asking in order to better quantify if they are reaching particular goals of inclusion. I don't think you are over-reacting. It might be worth a follow up question to ask why it was brought up -- if you don't think that would penalize your prospects. Maybe being assertive would be seen as a good thing?
Totally not ok on more than one level. First, it’s ignorant. Second, in some states, it’s illegal, and third, the implications are that if you are still gay, the employer isn’t interested. Just bad all around.
Hey that's totally not ok. I was shocked when I saw you were in the uk. I don't think they can ask that over here in an interview
I'm from the UK. I am sure that question is illegal. It's a bit like being asked - "So, do you plan on having children soon?" Unacceptable and illegal. Different if there is an equal opportunities questionnaire that asks about ethnicity and sexual orientation - the latter is to do with inclusion.
It's not okay, but I wouldn't immediately assume it's illegal. Sadly, churches have certain exemptions from aspects of UK equality legislation and may use those exemptions to pry into the private lives of candidates for ministry. I think it stinks when they do and I hope they will eventually come to their senses and desist, but we are where we are. This kind of highlights how very easy it is for people to misunderstand fluidity and why we (as a community) should be very careful when we talk about it. People can easily take comments about fluidity to mean something else and use it against us, or in support of crackpot ideas like reparative therapy.
I think the question or at least the way it was asked was inappropriate if not illegal unless there was some sort of occupational requirement to the role or are trying to be aware of diversity in the workplace. But if there was they should have answered this when you asked why and not answered with the comment they gave.
Hey it is not exeptable and it' inappropriate To even ask that question I can't see what difference it is this day an age it should not matter
Thanks everyone for your support. Having spoken to some people IRL about it, they did wonder whether the interviewer was trying to put me through my paces to see how I would react under pressure (testing resilience and coping with opposition). But I still don't think asking that question was justified, even if it was meant in the spirit of seeing how I would react to pressure - or opposition to my sexuality.
Yes. In the interview I responded honestly about my sexuality, as I believe the only way to banish ignorance is to be open and frank. I answered that yes, I am gay because it is the easiest label to use, but whilst there is some fluidity in my sexuality, I am predominantly attracted to women. I realise this might be confusing for some out there. But for me, if I was secretive about the fluidity in my sexuality, it would not help with the belief that somehow there is less integrity in someone's gay identity if you are occasionally attracted to the opposite sex. Only by talking about it, can we dispel these misunderstandings.
That really shocked me. Like others I thought that sort of question was illegal. I still think it should be. I don’t know which church it was but most are (in theory) open to gay men and women to enter the ministry. If it was solely designed to see your reaction under pressure it was an extremely crass way of doing it. You appear to have answered honestly and openly and I sincerely hope you were given credit for that.
Yes I agree with others- I think it is totally inappropriate. Well done in answering so honestly though- I love how you said your answer is aimed at dispelling the misunderstanding that someone’s gay identity is somehow less valid when there is fluidity involved. That was a wonderful point!