Hi: I recently put up a profile on two dating apps for the first time ever but for various reasons right now would only like to be friends with people who might be interested. Do people really want to be only friends if they check off that option on their profile or am I being hopelessly naive? (The apps are not ones typically used for just hook-ups.)
It is possible, sure. People use apps for various reasons. Personally for me, I’d rather go out there and meet new people. I know people use apps to meet new people even in an monogamous relationship, but that boundary needs to be established early on.
If these are specific sites for gay men, it's pretty unlikely you'll have much success finding friendships there. Unfortunately, most gay men seem to have a difficult time, especially on apps, understanding that it's possible to just have friendships, and most of these sites have devolved, pretty quickly, into hookup sites. There is one site I know of, that targets both men and women, that has a whole bunch of tests you can take. The more tests you take, the better it knows you, and the site offers separate friendship and romantic compatibility scores. I know people who have found friends through this site, but it's the only one I've heard of this working for friendship. (You can PM me; I can't mention the site name as it is an 18+ site.)
Honestly, I think people mostly use dating apps for sex although that's not the intended use of the site. I don't have any experience with dating apps but I've been in chatrooms and even there, it's not great. I'd say you'd have more luck going out and meeting people or even using online forums like EC.
What does that mean exactly? Thanks Chip, I think I'm on that site. I don't follow your logic HM03, but I think you mean it's a bad idea?
You can look for friends on a dating site, but that isn't what dating sites are for. You would most likely find better results on a site or place whose main goal is finding friends.
I am going to go against conventional wisdom on this and suggest that it is possible to meet people on dating sites/apps just to make a friend/new acquantance. It is all about communication. If you have a profile that is explicit in what your looking for, and stick to that message when you are chatting with people, you can make new friends. I will concede that the odds are lower for finding friends compared to sex, but it is possible. If someone is looking just for sex, politely decline. Be yourself, be pleasant, and stay above the sexual “fray” if that’s what interests you. The reality is meeting new people can be difficult when we all need to juggle our daily routines and every day life. Just the same, we might have living arrangements that make meeting other LGBT friends difficult or maybe we moved to a new area and need to build a base of new relationships. If you compartmenalze and keep seperate those that are on sites solely for a sexual release with those that have similar objectives of meeting new people, apps can be helpful. As others have said, some sites are more helpful than others, and it’s best to try different sites to figure out which may work best for you.
I have made a few life-long friends out of dating apps so it does happen, I didn't go on the dating app to make friends per se but sometimes you just click with people in a non-sexual way and it never hurts to meet new people and make new friends. I usually meet up with every girl who says she is just looking for friends, though mind you it can lead to a heartbreak if one start developping feelings for the other and stuff!
Hey @wickedwitch, Do you belong to any meetup groups? I’ve seen “events” posted by people that they’re going to something or other and would anyone like to come along. It’s quite smart, actually. You already know that you’ll enjoy it and hopefully, whoever signs on will also. And in theory, those people will have similar interests to you. Or this one, anyway. ;] Just a thought.
You're probably better off looking for groups and events on facebook that are close to where you live. People are less likely to put all their sexual details on their facebook profile because they also use it to keep in touch with family members. And because these groups plan public events, you are going to be invited to meet up with several people, not just one person where it might feel like an awkward date. In other words, do an online search for social groups in your area that are dedicated to subjects you are interested in. Lots of people have got good results from meetup. I haven't because a lot of the groups on there that I joined have closed down because of lack of activity, and facebook is more frequently updated and easier for group admins to use. It is possible to meet friends on dating and hookup apps, but just beware that you are exposing yourself to a lot of people who are just horny and using the app because it gives them opportunities that other forms of social media don't offer.
I've heard of this happening to people, but I agree that an alternative is probably better. The downside to online dating is that not everyone is looking for friendship to begin with, and not everyone will be honest about their intentions upfront. I know where you're coming from as I've been going through a lonely spell and just want new friends, too. A friendship-specific app or offline meetup tends to bring together like minds more often than a dating site.
As long as you establish upfront that you're just looking for friends, I think it can work. I've made lots of friends via dating sites. (Granted, I did want to date several of them, but still.) Then again, it's a bit of a lesbian cliche to be friends with your failed dating partners, so YMMV.
