First of all I'm not sure where to post this so it may not be in the right place. Me and my boyfriend are both 17. We have been going out for almost 4 months now and want to try some new things in the bedroom. We both have a very big sex drive. I'm the bottom and he tops but he wants to bottom as well however it hurts allot for him.(not to brag but I'm not the smallest) Ive always been a bit kinky and wanted to try light bdsm. Not whips or anything that cause pain. And after making him feel comfortable about it, we talked about what we would want to do. He wants me to tie him up, spanking, a blindfold, bite him and pin him down. We were basicly dirty talking for about an hour saying what we would do and he didn't want me to stop but I couldn't think of anything else. What I want to know is how to be a good dominant and what to do. I have tied his hands together before using my belt and he really liked it. Any suggestions? We have discussed boundaries but I want to supprise him. I know everyone is different but my imagination has run dry.
Honey - being a good Dom is something you'll have to learn. You are right everyone is different. People's hard and soft limits vary. But here is the key to this - communication. You are both learning and new to this life style and yes it's a life style. But you have to communicate what you do not feel comfortable doing and he what he feels comfortable receiving. Also - you have to learn how to read him and understand what he needs and he has to learn to trust you to give him that. But again you have to learn these things. I would suggest subscribing to an S&M specific group so you can chat more about it. Speak to someone who does actually live this lifestyle not just dabble. Even if this is a kink you just want to mess around with every now and then, it's fine but you should still know what your doing. As a sub in the bedroom - I can tell you that this is something that can forever change your outlook on sex and intimacy. So ease into it and take your time. Learn from each other. I wish you luck.
Hi, I am a submissive myself (or would be...I never actually engaged in kink, It's just a fantasy for the time being). It really depends on what people are into. First off, find a safe word. I highly recommend this. Even if you don't do crazy BDSM type stuff, even being restrained can be uncomfortable for some subs after a while. Despite the names, the submissive is the one truly in control because they get to decide when they've had enough. Good doms respect this and know boundaries, but sometimes boundaries are unclear...which is why safe words help. Every sub is into something different. What I am into may be different than what he is into...but if you need suggestions I can still help.
Ask him what he would like you to do, what his boundaries are and what would be too much for him (at least for now). Like creativemind pointed out, we are all different and what one may like may not be what your boyfriend likes so TALK TO HIM. Communication is key in a relationship, especially if you are going to engage in kink or BDSM as boundaries can quickly become blurry, so it is important that you communicate and that your partner (who is going to be the submissive one and hence the one dealing with most of the stuff) feels comfortable confiding in you and telling you how he is feeling. Take everything he says into account, that's extremely important. And I fully agree that you need a safe word that should be respected at all times. Trust is the base of any good (D/S) relationship and should never be broken. Good luck and have a lot of fun trying out new stuff!
As Linning said, communication is the most important part. And not everyone is to keen on surprises, so certainly at least talk about your idea before springing it on him. Keep it simple for now, and keep any bondage a little on the loose side. If there is any skin discoloration remove the bonds.
Thanks for the advice but I already know the basics and we have good communication about it and have discussed our limits. My issue is on more on what to physically do and how to do it. Any secret tips or anything like that would be good. My imagination is running dry with what to actually do. He is new to it as well and can t think if anything.
What has your boyfriend expressed interest in anything simple? You had a reasonable list of relatively light bdsm stuff, already in your post and you will think of more things after you have tried some
Well, you basically can do anything with BDSM. There's no limit to what one can do. There is teacher/student, employee/boss type roleplay that falls under D/s. There are 'punishment' and 'reward' type roleplays- sub gets rewarded with what he wants if he pleases the dom, and gets punished if he fails. Aside from blindfolds and bondage, wearing collars or leashes. There is S&M with choking (not really recommended though), blood play, etc. For anal sex, contrary to popular belief, the submissive can either be the top or the bottom. But it's all about the attitude. Submissive bottoms usually like being roughhoused during penetration, held down, and have the top make them beg for more. Submissive tops want a power bottom that gives them orders and spankings if they aren't pleasing their "dom bottom" right. For blowjobs, the submissive can also give or receive. Subs that give blowjobs usually like having their head forced down, forced deepthroat, cum on face, etc. Subs that receive blowjobs usually like to be blindfolded or restrained, sometimes they like having the dominant bite on their penis while they get a blowjob, and sometimes they like being told "they can't cum until the dom says so". Some BDSM relationships have a daddy/son sort of roleplay, but this is a really out there one that is not for everyone. Hope I helped.
