Married and also involved

Oh my. Yes I see. Very tough situation indeed. I'm sorry! Virtual hug your way.

 

I see one red flag, at least to me.
but at this point, I say ride it until the wheels fall off. All you can do is take what she says and believe her, just live in the moment with no regrets. Enjoy what you guys have together and appreciate finally discovering yourself.

 

Hey maybe you can answer but just explain yourself. Tell her of course you don't hate her and your u will happily call a truce but that right now you can just revert back to a friendship with her as your feelings are all to raw. Perhaps in time that will change but you can't make any promises. That way you can heal the mean things you said a bit but you don't go back on the decision you took.

 

It's going to be hard but if all she wants is friendship and you do not want that. Tell her you do not hate her but cannot continue to talk on a friend level at this Time.

 

Yes this is a very poetic way to tell her. I agree

 

Yeah, I agree with silver halo. Tell her- I really have no hard feelings. We can call a truce. I still need space and time to heal.

My thoughts anyways. She doesn't strike me as a person who wants to respect boundaries. Some people can't do light, non comittal relationships (like me) , and some people can. She needs to respect that isn't who you are.

 

I agree with what Silverhalo said on this answer her if you haven’t already and explain how you feel. It maybe also that she has realised you mean more to her than she thought since you’ve had no contact as she clearly didn’t delete your number. Say what you have to say first and then see what she says.

 

Aww I'm sorry that happened but I think it's better to get it all out in the open and heal properly than to partially heal and always wonder what if. I have nothing against people that want to have open relationships and friends with benefits but it's not for everyone. I know I couldn't do it and there is nothing wrong with that. I know it hurts because it seems like in all others ways she is such a great match but this is a big deal and in the long run it's just going to cause you pain. There are other girls out there who would love to be your one and only. Give yourself time to heal over and then go find them.

 

It’s a shame it went that way hope you are ok. Seems like perhaps as silverhalo said it’s for the best for you in the long run cos you may well of continued to get hurt. She obviously knows what she wants but it’s not what you want and I can only see one person getting hurt from this if I’m honest.
It’s a shame because otherwise you were a good match.

 

Oh you poor dear. I went through something somewhat similar with J (long story) where things got ugly and ended similarly to what you're describing. It's shocking and painful, I know. I usually only log in and respond to posts that "speak" to me and this one "shouted" I can offer you a giant hug and tell you from my own experience...take this time to withdraw, heal and introspect. You need to get your power back. I hate to chalk up relationships to power but she has all of it right now (and knows it). Trust me, I know how hard it is to not want to reach out and try to make amends and make things all better out of insecurity...but DON'T. You have dignity and self-respect. Try to let things cool off.

Although never a romantic relationship, J and I have a history now. Our relationship has been tumultuous in the past but as of today we have worked through a lot. Even after parting ways on a bad note, we healed our relationship and I believe we finally found a comfortable place for us both. Unfortunately that comfortable place is keeping things limited to warm, friendly and professional but I'm happiest this way if I can't have all of her.

Huge hugs for you. Now do something for YOU today.

 

Exactly. She knows that if she says, "jump!", you will say, "how high?". Many of us here are in the same place so we know. We know! I'm sure this woman is not a total monster but she needs to be taken down a notch. Geez, I hate to make it about ego but sometimes it is, you know? I know you're hurting bad and at times the disappointment over crushed dreams will be overwhelming. You will want SO bad to reach out to her but don't. Just don't. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it to remind you of the pain she is causing you. It's a real challenge to detach from someone you love so much. The good news for you is that she is not part of your daily life. My J is so I have to manage my heart very carefully. If she reaches out to you (and she will), don't respond until YOU YOU YOU are in a place where you can see more objectively that she is not good for you and doesn't want what you want. Not at this time anyway.

Stay strong and love yourself

 

This is great advice. It's so tough isn't it our head says one thing but our heart says another. These people are like a drug, they give us a short term kick but with long term damage if we are not careful.

 

I totally agree with silverhalo they are like a drug don’t let the long term damage set in where people mess you about for their own gain. Try if you can to move on that’s what I’m doing as hard as it is there is someone out there for you that wants the same