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The coworker, the weird and the awkward

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Frozenfros, Aug 5, 2017.

  1. Frozenfros

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    So guys, I just basically need your inputs thoughts about a situation im in right now..

    Just a quick background..
    I'm a closeted bi guy, not out to anyone, I'm a reserved, private, quiet guy who prefer outdoors and thrills than social gathering...I'm very masculine, tall, bulky.

    The story..

    I'm already considering this girl who I share similar passion with as a potential gf because she is also showing interest in me, but I'm not yet 100 sure bout my feelings, a coworker of mine...

    Until I met this guy, 4 months ago, also from work who came from another dept.. My attraction to him is instantaneous..

    For the first 2 mos, it's only a crush, I just kept looking at him and just admire how cute he is... But things got weird..

    I noticed that everytime we pass each other or speak casually, he never looked at me in the eye, like for instance at team lunch, he is asking me what what flavor of ice cream do I want, without looking at me or facing me..

    I became obsessed but I kept my distance because I know how it feels to have one sided attraction in the end, may it be girls or boys..

    we never speak to each other everytime my co-workers are present but I can feel his presence everytime, I saw him glancing at me on several occassion whenever we had meetings but quickly looked away or looking at something else which is funny...

    The move...

    I stayed up late at work and my co workers are gone, I was surprised he came to me and initiated a conversation, since I was caught off guard I wasn't able to face him, I spoke facing the computer..its just a quick chat..I decided to make a move..

    I added him on fb. About 10 min later he accepted.. This is were the confusion starts..

    Post FB...

    There is "something" everytime we see each other, at halls at elevator or restrooms.. Everytime we pass each other I can see his eyes fixated on me, we always smile to each other, but we only had small chats, and time stops everytime I see him..

    I noticed that he reacts (not the like emoticon ✅) whatever I post on fb with only "heart" or "amazed" reaction, though we never really spoke to a deeper level..I have stalked our common friends and he never reacts to their status consistently..

    Thats when I decided to chat him up. Topic was mostly work related and answers were straight forward..

    I decided to flirt a bit by saying see you tomorrow or good night in foreign languages at the end of our convo..his answers were always thank you, or thank you very much..

    The progress..

    Until it changed just recently (last week). We are now sharing secrets about who we don't like at work, what is our plans in our careers such as promotions or changing companies, he told me not to tell others.. I shared a few secrets of my own..

    At work, things haven't changed, we rarely spoke everytime co workers are around, still catching him glances at me at I back at him, we smiles deeply everytime we pass each other..

    The guy
    Will not make assumptions, but my "out" gay colleagues always remarks that he's one of them, being in a closet you'll hear lot of things..but I'm not the one who judge based on preference, likes, hobbies or actions, if they are soft or effeminate, it should come from the person..

    The Dilemma
    So far I'm the one who's making the first moves, I always initiate the chat. I go crazy whenever I don't see him or chat him up on a daily basis.

    I have a different situation, I don't think I'm ready to tell the world yet about me being bisexual, but I want to try what it feels like to be in a relationship with a guy as long as my feelings are sincere and real..

    1. Do you think I continue to initiate conversation with him in chat? Or do I wait for him to chat me instead to know if he really likes me back..
    2. I was about to ask him out, but I don't think its the right time yet, i want to befriend him first..
    3. Do you think its very weird that we share intimate secrets but don't talk to each other at work?
    4. Do you think there is really something between us but since both of us are closeted, this is extra hard for two of us
    5. Is this only one sided? Should I take time off with him and see how he responds in the coming weeks?
     
    #1 Frozenfros, Aug 5, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2017
  2. Gravity

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    I wouldn't try things to "test" if he really likes you - suddenly stop initiating conversations, etc. People could very easily take this the wrong way ("he must not want to talk anymore"), and besides, testing people - while this may not be your or anyone's intention - can come off as kind of manipulative, and give the impression that you're not very confident (you need to gather information about him, etc.).

    In your case, it sounds like you're enjoying talking with him. Are you spending time together outside of work? If so, great - if not, ask him if he wants to get together sometime. As you point out, nothing wrong with getting to be friends first.

    As far as dating - consider whether you're ready to come out to him. If you're not, then it's unlikely things will happen (since eventually you'll have to admit to something if anything's going to happen in the dating realm). If you're comfortable coming out to him, you could try that and see where it leads.
     
    #2 Gravity, Aug 5, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2017
  3. Humbly Me

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    From the point of view of someone who has acted exactly the way this guy has to you towards people, he is probably practically in love with you and really, really just want you to make the first move when it comes to making it more than friends.
     
  4. Frozenfros

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    Thanks so much!
    Yes I'm enjoying our conversation on chat, in the office it's a bit limited due to our situation..
    No I haven't invited him out yet, I don't think its time, but very soon..as of now I taking it slow, want to be his friend first..
     
  5. Frozenfros

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    I really hope so, as of now I'm making the first move everytime I have the chance to be alone with him at the office. Also, im make sure that I communicate with him on fb or Ig on a regular basis, but not everyday, i just want him not to forget me.. :slight_smile: so far, he easily respond back everytime I chat him up..
     
  6. CharacterStudy

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    Could you invite him out to something in order to develop the friendship, without it being a date? Then you can see how he reacts to you 1:1 in private.

    A. Next time you are chatting, ask if he's seen x film. (If he has, ask what it was like, then mention film 'y' sounds good too... hopefully he won't have seen that too.) Say you fancy going but you normally go with friend 'b' and they're not keen on films like that. If he is interested in getting to know you better (romantically or just platonically) then he'll probably suggest you both go. Then you can see what things are like at the film, maybe extend it to going for a drink after if things seem positive...

    B. Stealing a trick from an old mate here, though it works best if you've friends in on the secret: Ask him and a couple of other people to meet up for a film or something, but you've pre-warned your friends to say yes and then send their apologies later... so it ends up being just the two of you, but without any risk of it being seen as a date. My mate's now married to the person she pulled that on. Harder if your friends don't know about you, but if you're too shy to try option A, you could always make up that 'me and a mate are going to .......', and don't mention it to the mate (or invent an unnamed mate).