I've got it sooooo bad! Make it stop!

I don't know, guys. We just went for a walk and it was totally normal. Though she did hug me pretty tight. Sigh. She leaves in one week for the Hamptons. I'm going to miss her so much. I suppose I can tell her how sad I am about her leaving.

 

Yep, I'm aware. I've realized it's the typical dynamic in the past friendships in which I was probably in love. Working on that with my therapist. I find helplessness incredibly attractive and alluring, and I have a stereotypically male response to it... a need to rescue the woman and fix her situation. Not the healthiest, but at least I'm aware of it. I've tried to be vulnerable with V too when I'm in a dark or sad place, and she is always super-sweet and supportive and offers me great advice, though obviously my saddest moments lately are directly related to my longing for more of her, and I can't very well talk to her about those. My therapist thinks it might not be so bad to be that kind of person -- the kind that a partner can really lean on for emotional support and strength. She thinks I have a lot to offer, and it might be OK to have that be *one* of the bases for a long-term relationship. She just wants me to make sure that I don't bottle up my own needs in the process.

Speaking of my therapist, she was very helpful today. Her take on the situation is that V is likely feeling a deep affection for and attachment to me and has no intention of letting me go, though she may or may not be in a place *yet* where she can consciously admit she's falling in love with me. She thinks I need to just keep doing what I'm doing for now because in the grand scheme of things, we are still in the early days of the relationship. And it's evolving even without me making a big declaration or making a "move" that would force a conversation about our status. Given where we are both at -- coming to terms with our divorces, etc. -- it is appropriate that it's moving relatively slowly. She thinks the longest-lasting, "realest" relationships evolve slowly and that physical intimacy too early on could interrupt the development of our attachment. She was clear that it's how she sees this *particular* situation and not that early physical intimacy is *always* a bad thing for a long-term relationship. But in this case, she thinks it's better not to rush it. She doesn't see any reason I should despair because she doesn't think V is going anywhere. She wants me to feel all the feelings -- even the painful and frightening ones -- and work on coping mechanisms.

 

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-lov...tephanie-allynne-falling-in-love-documentary/

 

V just reiterated her intention of having us visit in the Hamptons and is already planning activities for the kids. She is an epic planner and wonderful mom. It should be a fun time as long as I can keep my cool.

 

No, I don't think I am! The only thing I don't open up about is how I feel about her. Otherwise, I let her know when I'm having a hard time, and she is very helpful.

 

She hasn't given me the options yet, but I think it's either gotta be 2 weeks or 4 weeks from this weekend.

 

Our summer camp got shut down by the health department for the rest of the week. (!!!!) V was in a terrible bind since she has to work at least part time. So I watched the kids for a few hours today. When she picked them up, we were standing talking, and I was playing with her hair while she talked to me. God, I am such a goner and an idiot. LOL. I had just been thinking/hoping that I wasn't making V uncomfortable with all my affection, but then she is in front of me, and I can't help it. WHATEVER. I'm not hiding anything.

 

Haha, you guys. Cause as long as I don't do that, I haven't forced the "conversation" to be necessary. As it is, she pretends not to notice stuff like that.

 

Hilarious. We are not sports people, haha. I love how she pretends not to notice that I'm touching her and then she nervously picks at her nail polish or something. God, I hope I'm not making her completely uncomfortable. Maybe she just doesn't want to be mean?!

 

That's what I'm hoping but I always think people must be barely tolerating my presence. Much less all this gushing.