Sorry don't know where to post this and how to describe the issue well. I guess its more of a physiological one. I have had GFs & BFs, i'm bi/pan. I'm like a weird mixture of super masc at points to super fem at points, its weird i cant control it. when i was with my previous BFs during and before sex i was more fem and so into it, but after we had sex i get really turned off. i almost become like straightish. i feel super straight and think im not really bi/pan its was just a phase and a bit turned off, even though i love him, i know i do and i loved what we did, but like 30min later im back to my normal self. I did have this feeling when i was my GF. I felt straight but then i had to still have to hide me being bi/pan from my family. Before i met my first BF i was like this but emotionally, i could feel straight for days and then suddenly turn bi/pan again. it wasn't until i kind of accepted that i bi/pan before until that stabled out. i felt bi/pan all the time but its just after sex now and occenally when my family and friends are around me. Does anybody feel like this for are bi/pan? Is it that i havent really accepted being this or guilt?
Hey mlm1234, What you describe sounds very much like shame and internalized homophobia. Getting turned off after enjoying same-sex relations is a classic example of shame. Some guys even feel the same way after masturbating to gay porn. I'm not a professional, but I would point to the fact that you are not Out to your family as a possible key element keeping you from overcoming that mental roadblock. Now, I'm not urging you to Come Out to your family unless you are comfortable doing so, but perhaps just the realization of what is holding you back - making you feel this way - can help you move forward to overcome it. In fact, if you can't Come Out to your family, you may want to consult a professional therapist for advice on ways to cope with and overcome these feelings. Just my thoughts.
Im planning on coming out to my sis, she wouldn't tell anybody, she is the only family member who knew i had GF. but i dont think i could to parents there a very uncomforate around gay people.
Hey mlm1234, Again, I'm not urging you to Come Out to them, since you clearly don't feel comfortable doing so. But the gist of what I was saying is that that seems like it might be a key stumbling block in dealing with your shame and internalized homophobia (assuming that that is what you are experiencing). So, as I said, perhaps you should consider finding a therapist to help you find other ways to deal with this.
Hey mlm1234, Check out SiennaFire's Blog on Shame and Internalized Homophobia and see if it helps you. https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?blogs/.29
