Feeling an urge to commit suicide when thinking about dealing with being gay

Hi Oscar, sorry to hear you're in such a difficult situation. No one should have to face depression, especially at such a young age as yourself.

Well done for overcoming your social anxiety, it's a step forward! You should identify the other issues that cause you to experience these thoughts and combat them in a similar way. Do things that you enjoy and will take your mind off your troubles. Do you have anyone you know who you can talk to about it, i.e: friend or family member?

You're seeing a psychiatrist, so I'm assuming that you are receiving therapy. Have you recently started to take the antidepressants? If yes, be patient it will be some time still before they come into effect. If not, consider asking your doctor to change to a different drug, that did the trick for me.

Hope this helps, take care.

 

It's comforting to know that you received help in the past. As you mentioned, dealing with your sexuality is causing you a significant amount of stress, which doesn't help with your depression. Have you considered coming out to your friend, she may be able to help you. I'm not sure if you're out to anybody, but the thought of knowing that there is someone who knows and supports you with you issues is very comforting, believe me. Alternatively, is there a LGBT group in your area that you could attend for support? The staff there are very sympathetic and unlike a normal therapist they understand your struggle.

Hope this helps. Trekkie.

 

It's good that you were able to create this thread and maybe it's a sign that you want things to change in a positive way, but just can't see a way forward right now. How did it feel to write down what's on your mind?

It sounds like you are really scared of being vulnerable and I wonder if you can say why it's so scary for you? What is it about being vulnerable that worries you? Try to tell us, if you can.

At the moment you see yourself has having a safe bubble of not dealing with things and ignoring what's going on, but is that really safe Oscar? Is it safe to be living [existing] with enduring thoughts of suicide? Is it safe to live like an active volcano? I would suggest it's not and that you are perhaps unwittingly fuelling the despairing thoughts by refusing to contemplate a different way.

Let's just assume you change your mind and allow yourself to be vulnerable with a therapist or mental health professional. What do you suppose would happen? The idea of therapy isn't to take a big hammer to your emotional defences and walls and leave you completely exposed and isolated with everything, rather, it's a case of gradually breaking things down and building up healthy coping mechanisms. Are you able to allow yourself to believe that?

As things stand you are looking at things in inevitable terms, but if you can summon up some courage and look at things afresh, there are options for change.

 

Actually, I don't think there is anyone who lives a truly happy life and is really gay without ever telling anyone. There may be a lot of people with attraction to more than one gender who remain in a happy marriage and have kids and somehow survive their entire life, but there are very few if any people who actually deny themselves their homosexual desires their entire life despite being exclusively homosexual, and of those I think roughly 0 are happy about it.