I first came here because I questioned my sexuality. After so much I put myself through, I consider myself straight. But even as a kid, I never understood that straight men seemed to be very oppressed in regards in what we can express and like. I like male fashion, interior design, I love femininity because I am attracted to that. In a sense, I part take in what I am attracted to a certain extent. I tried women's clothes on, as I like the idea of androgeny, but after trying it I'm like nah. Not for me. I have lesbian fantasies where I'm a very pretty chick with another attractive women but I would never actually go through any transformation as I am pretty happy with my biological sex. Though, now that I am secure about my sexuality. I can't help feel insecure only because of the conventions what a straight man can and can't Do? I love gardening, cooking, chick flicks, but doing so doesn't make me desire... penis or men in general. I can tell if they are attractive but again, nothing in desire for them. Am I just too concerned with stereotypes?
Hey Erny, I agree with clustergazelle and BiGuy365 in that you are focused on stereotypes. If you are interested in cross-dressing, that isn't (necessarily) a reflection on either your sexual orientation or gender identity. Most cross-dressers are cis heterosexuals. I know from your previous threads that you have received professional therapy for your concerns. I would say that you should trust your therapists. They know you far better than we can here on this anonymous website.
Yes. To many therapists and counselors. For my sexuality, I came to terms that I am straight. I wont go to too much into detail buy i relied on too many stereotypes and forced myself to think that i am bi or gay and tried things that i truly don't enjoy. That most things that are considered "feminine" started out as being a "masculine" thing. That either way it doesn't represent or is an indication of sexual orientation. ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2017 at 08:55 AM ---------- Yeah, true. I just wanted to hear from strangers and people of this thread. day after day I am growing more confident and happy. Thank you. I promise I won't bug you guys anymore. Just wanted to hear from you guys.
I don't see what this has to do with being a straight man....my uncle is a straight man that likes cooking, chick flicks, and gardening, lol. I think you're fine, just keep being you.
The only thing I think a straight man can't do is be sexually attracted to another man, because at that point they are not, strictly speaking, straight.
Hey Erny, I know that you are OCD and are working with your therapists. You won't honestly get anything more or less from us here on this LGBTQ website than the fact that you seem really straight and that we totally appreciate our Allies. Why do you want to continue to engage the (totally sympathetic) LGBTQ community while you are simply dealing with your own (straight) reality?
You are right. Just. Over thinking. I think this experience and everything that came with it out me down to earth. Anxiety and racing thoughts, I let them get to me. Again, I won't bother you guys again. I have a lot of insecurities I need to work on and ready to grow as an indicidual.
You aren't bothering us, relax. But yeah, i agree that you are probably overthinking this. Remember that labels "come" after the behavior, and not the contrary. I mean, it is not about "I'm X, therefore, i can/cannot do it Y". It is: "I do X, so, the label Y probably fits me better". Also, remember that labels are unecessary. There is no word that will describe you 100% (not even your name! ), so, don't feel limited by them. You are who you are, and that's fine! If you find a label that you feel comfortable with, then great. If not, or if you are too confused, then remember it is ok to not have a label.
It is sadly normal to think that 'girly' things that you enjoy make you gay. Activities are not related to sexuality or gender, they are just things for people to enjoy. If you enjoy them, try not to overthink it and let yourself enjoy it :3
The only thing a straight man cannot do is be in love with or attracted to another man, regardless of your interests/hobbies.
Actually, there is a huge element of oppression built into our (western) society's expectations of a man. As a male, I've felt uncomfortable with those expectations since I was very young. We *all* carry certain male vs. female stereotypes in our heads. They're "imprinted" on us as we develop from a child to an adult in our culture/society. But I lift my glass to all straight men who are seriously comfortable around gay/bi/pan types and never feel threatened by other straight men's attempts to box them into the usual stereotypes. I think these are the straight men with truly healthy egos, self-confidence and a strong sense of who they are, regardless of what other straight men think. And I don't have trouble with these straight men experimenting with other men sexually. It sounds like you've done some mental testing of your "straightness," and if you're truly not attracted to men sexually, then I think you should just be comfortable in your own skin and eschew all stereotypes. As JustABisexual said, if you enjoy something, "try not to overthink it and let yourself enjoy it :3" Just one caveat: To be "true to yourself," if you ever reach a point where you're curious enough about male-male sex that you start fantasizing about it...then you should simply experiment with a male friend or acquaintance (after letting him know you're just curious and want to experiment). One old and much "overused" stereotype in our society is that "real men" never doubt their "straightness" or even *fantasize* about having sex with another man. Of course this implies that once you try it, you're gay. It just ain't so! We all have the right to figure this out for ourselves without the need to label ourselves as others might feel compelled to. Be free of all that nonsense, and enjoy!
Your interests share no direct correlation with sexuality or gender identity. I think you should just brush this one off.
I think its pretty absurd all the rules men have to follow, too. It probably has to do with privilege, since its rooted in being everything a woman is NOT. Take European royalty, for example. They've traditionally had more expectations than your average peasant. Well, masculinity, heterosexuality, are the same way. Here's proof: We often don't say the same thing to straight women, but at the cost that lesbians are denied validity. Most people don't believe they exist; that they're doing it for attention, had a bad experience with men, or simply haven't found the "right one". If the idea were shattered that men and women have nothing in common and are complete opposites, it wouldn't even matter.
You seem like a normal regular guy but you do seem over concerned with stereotypes. You worry too much and a lot of your friends probably like the sa,e things but can't admit it due to the whole manly man thing guys focus on. Don't worry about what other people think it's your life live it for you not others.
Intersting. I always felt like guys had more freedom to express themselves and do brave things. I get shut down all the time for being too masculine and I really wish I could be someone's boyfriend.
Isn't it such a strange world we live in, where guys simultaneously have more freedom to just exist and live freely, but also more rigid gender stereotypes to keep them in check? Anyone can like anything they want. This self-limiting, macho bs in the cis-het male community seriously needs to stop.