First off, let me just say that I am no great writer. So none of the poems I put here are what I would consider to be epic. They do, however, encapsulate how I feel at times as I face what I'm going through in life. I haven't ever shared them with anyone before, so I thought I'd take a step out of my comfort zone and share them on here. I won't post them all at once. I'll just start with one and see what follows. Anyway, here goes! "SMILING When agony assails from all sides My first instinct is run and hide Hide away from this insane world Cry in a corner like a scared little girl But I only cry tears that never stream From my eyes or down my cheek The pain stays locked away within As I relive guilt and bitterness again On a daily basis I face my giants Set my face in a mask of grim defiance I tell myself the giant is overcome That the junk of my past is over and done All David needed was a stone to slay So I bow my head and begin to pray I say the words and read the truth But why do I end up feeling so aloof? The pain is just beneath my skin As I try to tame the shame within I try to smile in spite of the pain Believing that in time things will change But some wounds go too deep And even haunt us in our sleep Some wounds open up again and again A perpetual tribute to our sins Chipping slowly away at my resolve Making me doubt my sins can be absolved Did I do something to deserve the ache? Why am I being given more than I can take Where was my sin that was so egregious In my youth, please tell me, Jesus Why do I feel like I'm in hostile territory Never getting to write my story Standing still while life moves ahead So many words that go unsaid So many battles in my head So many times I give in to sin So many times I cry out for healing Do those prayers ever go past the ceiling? Is there a divine method to the madness A reason for all this vexing sadness A purpose in the cuts and bruises A lesson in the blood that oozes Is it punishment or mercy in disguise As every day I opt to live a lie To play a role in a cruel game called life Not trying to live but only to survive Loving God but hating what I am Inside my light flickers and goes dim How to change something so ingrained Until only grace and joy remains That mystery is one I have never unraveled As I take the lonely road less traveled I look forward to hobbies and petty things Instead of babies born or wedding rings I'm an actor of the highest degree As I own my masquerade exceptionally The world is my audience that I always fool Holding it all together and keeping my cool Portraying the character they came to see As I lose more and more of my identity So devoted to my weary craft am I It comes so naturally; no need to try But where is the truth amidst the lies? I'll never know for sure I realize Each day is a chance to start anew So why am I still feeling blue? What am I doing so very wrong When all I want is to sing a new song To leave the past in the hazy fog To somehow get beyond its dreary smog To see the Son rise in the sun rise As the bitterness inside me finally dies To get to a place I've never been before Where I can be so much more But still I linger on my tortuous way Not even knowing sometimes what to pray Or what to say to make things clear To break the chains of shame and fear I'm still somehow breathing My eyes have not stopped seeing God's mercy around me in little ways And the hope of future better days But I need help, Oh Lord, it's a fact Perhaps this mystery can still be cracked Because the time has come to let it go But what "it" exactly is, I still don't know Help me see the painful reality of my life Rescue me from this pattern of strife Show me how to make my leap Into the unknowns of the deep Amen, I say these words to thee As I lay me down to go to sleep"
The last line was a bit hard to say, I had to read it as "As I lay me down and go to sleep". You've got some really nice imagery in there: "I only cry tears that never stream" "All David needed was a stone to slay" "A perpetual tribute"
"As I lay me down to sleep" sounds better. It has the pattern of stressed-unstressed syllables that Shakespeare so often relied on, and has fewer unnecessary words. Technical bits aside, it is quite good in terms of expressing your feelings. I think your poem might resonate with a lot of people with all sorts of problems. <3
You have some serious talent! There is some great imagery in there with very raw and honest expressions. I write poetry, too, but I am yet to reach the point of confidence where I can publicise it and leave myself hanging there as naked and vulnerable I can be lol. I would love to read more of your work.
Argentwing, excellent suggestion for how to fix that last line. Your rendering of that phrase sounds infinitely better! Musicboy123, I cannot thank you enough for your gracious words. It is indeed very hard putting any of these poems out there for people to critique. It requires a vulnerability that doesn't come natural to me. That's why the extraordinarily kind feedback I've experienced on here means so much. Anyway, here's another one of my poems if anyone is interested: "KNOCK DOWN MY WALLS I'm an architect of the highest degree Building sturdy walls for all to see Walls that come in every size and shape They're a fortress to where I can escape My walls are impregnable on the outside Within it's very dark, an ideal place to hide The walls are erected around my soul As the threats around me are rendered null If you try to slip past my defenses You'll quickly see how futile this is There are many traps along my wall Good luck trying to spot them all There are barriers both seen and unseen That repel you from the darkest part of me I'm a master at maintaining arms' length I'll push you away faster than you think You're like all the others, I must say Eventually they all give up and go away It's not worth the effort to tear and strain To find out what goes on inside my brain There is no great prize inside to plunder So trying to get in would be a blunder It's best you enjoy the outer courtyard I made it pretty there, it wasn't hard I know what people like to see I understand the man they want me to be The filth and mire is safely tucked away Safely guarded from the light of day Knock on my door if you are feeling bold But prepare to wait out in the cold Eventually you'll give up and depart So consider that before you even start Start to try and sneak inside To attempt to glimpse beyond my disguise It's not an effort worth your energy or time If I'm at number 10, you'll never get past 9 You may get close if you are really smart But you'll never see my battered heart It's locked in the deepest, safest chamber Away from all risks and every danger It's lonely at times in a population of one But I will always do what must be done To keep the beast inside from getting out From hurting those I care about My fortress is simultaneously a prison A temple devoted to ancient self-derision Think you can rescue me from my cell? Well, go ahead, I dare you, ring the bell You'll be amazed at how you'll be rebuffed At how very good I am at being tough You'll say at first that you're unique It's the same word all newcomers speak But you have no idea my walls are so thick They never fail to do the trick I wish some hero would come along To crush my wall and prove me wrong To somehow baffle all my means of control And penetrate to my very heart and soul And then stay and love me anyway No matter what I am, straight or gay But I've never met such a friend I don't think I will through to the very end They all give up and go away Why would they even want to stay? I play hard to get because it's all I know When I want you to stay, I'll tell you to go And so far everyone has always obliged They never return after saying goodbye My walls were more than a match indeed Only on the interior do my rooms bleed If in a moment of weakness I cry out My soundproof walls absorb the shout It's a prison for sure, but it's familiar too I think I'm more afraid of something new I'm terrified of being naked and revealed Why must I be transparent to be healed? Why do my walls have to quake I feel like it's more than I can take Knock knock, who's there? Now go away Don't come back another day Don't keep trying to befriend My will is strong; it will not bend Maybe you will keep on trying As you make it closer to where I'm hiding I'll give you a treat if you come close While remaining as elusive as a ghost So play my game, step up to the plate To put a dent in my wall, it's too late Have fun trying but know it's all in vain I'm a damn good builder and am to blame I want you to know it's no hard feelings If my defenses leave you reeling It's all a part of how my plan unfolds I gave you a fair warning; you've been told So bang your head up against my wall Do your futile posturing and stand so tall When the results are in, I'll win the game You're no exception; it's always the same"
Wow!! I literally relate to this on a spiritual level. My favourite couplet is this one: "I'm terrified of being naked and revealed Why must I be transparent to be healed?" Best of luck!
Musicboy123, once again I am truly humbled by your very gracious words. The fact that other people are able to on some level connect with how I feel makes me feel slightly less alone. It's good, and I believe it's healing too. Tranonymous, thank you so much as well! SMILING is deeply personal for me, and sharing it was not easy to do. But I'm glad I did, as it allowed me to feel encouragement and warmth in your kind words. I might as well post another one. The last two poems have been tinged with a lot of darkness. However, there is some tangible Light that shines through the cracks when I need it most. This next poem is one of gratitude to God for all of the times He doesn't do what I want Him to do. It's about thanking Him that life is hard, yes, but there is a purpose to pain and a reason for every tear that falls. Anyway, here goes: "THANK YOU I sit here in the dark alone Wrapped in your arms; it feels like home I just want to say what I don't say enough Thank you for all the ways you love Thank you for all the pain I'm in Thank you for covering my greatest sin I'm blessed to struggle against my flesh To learn so slowly you know what's best To fail and crumble but never stay down To lay before you one day a weary crown I thank you for the burdens you allowed Thank you for your never-ending power Thank you for the bitter ache deep within And the sea of uncertainty in which I swim Thank you for each wave that buries me And the goal ahead that I just cannot see Thank you for the doubt and the fear For it's through them that Love draws near When the anxieties of life hover overhead I remember my Savior who died and bled To overcome even the icy grip of the grave I remember the price my Jesus paid I thank you that nothing comes easy in life Thank you for the unending state of strife Thank you for every tear I cry alone Thank you for making my heart your home There's a still small voice in the hurricane It steadies my heart time and time again Reminds me of a greater Hope to come It's a token of an everlasting love song Thank you for making me less As you become greater, I am blessed Thank you for not giving me what I want Thank you for a past that always haunts For you give me something better in time You give me a dollar when I ask for a dime You show a path riddled with hardship and all the pain you won't allow me to skip You take me through it rather than around While all along I'm homeward bound Thank you for giving me all your heart Thank you for every day's brand new start"
Once again, thank you so much, tranonymous. Your very kind words are truly an encouragement. Anyway, here's another one! "THE PRAISE OF MAN I pretend to not care what others think No need to iron out every little kink So then why do I seek the praise of man Instead of merely resting in God's hands Why am I so afraid of being seen For them to know the truth inside of me Why must I always have it all together Keep a plastic smile no matter the weather Why do I fear being seen as weak As a human being so mild and meek The praises of men never truly satisfy So why then do I even bother to try Every "well done" stings like a fiery dart A warning that tomorrow it'll all fall apart The day I fear will come when I crack And everyone will pillage my inner shack They'll see the monsters under my bed And all the skeletons I tried to keep hid They'll realize I've been a phony all along I tried to do right but got it all wrong Will they still love me when they see The deepest, darkest part of me? When all the praises stop flowing Will I find the strength to keep on going? I sometimes lack the energy it takes To keep my weary masquerade in place To pretend to be the man I want to be To bury the frightened child living in me To just think I can always keep this up And that man's approval is enough As long as I look good, I always say Then my dreadful pain will stay away What do I do to end this bleak routine? Do I dare let my many wounds be seen? Am I supposed to fail and fall apart? To let others see the shadows in my heart To be an open book for them to read Introduce them to the fiends inside of me Am I enough to just be held? Will Grace find me in my personal hell? Is it enough to just be less than perfect Is exerting so much effort even worth it? The core of shame inside colors all It turns every spring into an early fall It obscures the reality before my eyes It adds power to all those familiar lies Help me, Jesus, to seek only You To find comfort in your holy truth That all my righteousness is dirty rags And yet your love for me never lags It never ceases to meet me where I'm at Just when I think my disguise is down pat You love me broken, battered, bruised If I have your love, then what can I lose? I rest in you on the brink of tomorrow Trusting that I can serve you in my sorrow"