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Would you date someone who was still in the closet?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Blinko, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. Blinko

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    I am a closeted lesbian who has dated some girls who have told me later that it couldn't work out because I'm still not out to people. Only two or three close friends know.
    Well, would you prefer to date someone who was out and why?
     
  2. anthracite

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    I wouldn't mind at all if they are out or not and I wouldn't talk them into anything. Out status matters to me as much as hair color, which means not at all.
     
  3. Worker Bee

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    I'd be happy if they weren't ready but being seen with me would definitely set off peoples gaydar.
     
  4. Kodo

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    Yes, I would.
     
  5. Creativemind

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    No, I would not date someone in the closet. Keep in mind that it doesn't mean I hate closeted people or that I don't understand why they're closeted. This is only about dating preferences.
     
  6. HerRainbow

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    What is most important to me is the connection I have with a person. So them being in or out of the closet doesn't matter
     
  7. Bobsleigh1

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    Yeah, sure. Doesn't bother me, as long as we can still be seen together and such without them being too stressed/paranoid about being found out. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
     
    #7 Bobsleigh1, Apr 20, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2017
  8. DarkWhite

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    Yea sure, it is not a problem for me.
     
  9. photoguy93

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    I think it depends on the level. Like, I could talk to someone/get to know someone who was able to be out in public but maybe didn't want to be known as more than a "friend."

    But some people who are even afraid to be seen together? probably not.
     
  10. timo

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    Depends. If a guy I'm dating isn't planning on coming out at all, then no. I don't want to be hidden away forever.

    If he's in the process of coming out, then yes.
     
  11. Blinko

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    The sentiments are quite similar to those I got so far in my dating life..the girl either wanted to be comfortable with me as we walked together and could not handle the pressure of having to behave like friends in social situations. I remember an instance where some two guys tried hitting on me and my ex-gf and we could only laugh and it was hurting to see her somehow unwillingly play along...she ended up almost getting into a fight because she couldnt tolerate it any more because the guys started becoming somehow pushy
     
  12. AlexanderDragon

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    I'm dating someone that's questioning, I guess that kind of countss? But yeah, absolutely I would, if it's safe for them. Though, if if wasn't, I think it'd be kind of hard to dance around that with their family.
     
  13. Daydreamer1

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    If we have chemistry, nothing else matters--and their safety and comfort would be my top priority.
     
  14. bluesunlight

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    I could, it wouldn't really matter to me. I don't really care about having a relationship with a significant other's family and friends, so it wouldn't really bother me.
     
  15. Creativemind

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    To be fair, I'm the only one who said I wouldn't date a closeted person in this thread, so I think you have plenty of options to find someone. Another closeted person is another safe bet.
     
  16. Chronos

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    I dated a closeted person for a few months, then again I was in the closet too. After I urged him to come out, he decided he was going to as well. It didn't go well for him... he got grounded until he "snapped out of this nonsense" and was forbidden from seeing me ever again. His parents thought I was a "terrible influence" and that he should "stay away from people like that". He seems so sad walking when I see him. I just want to hug him but I know it would just make matters worse...

    So I guess dating someone in the closet is risky, because you never know how their parents will react...
     
  17. Dryad

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    I would. If I like someone, I just fall head on, into the situation, and whatever happens happens. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  18. resu

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    Someone described coming out as a continual process since there will always be someone who does not realize your sexuality (or gender). So, I think in the same way, the closet is not one thing. At one end are fully out people comfortable with expressing their sexuality everywhere, and at the other end are those so closeted they may not even be out to themselves.

    A fully out person has already done the hard work of exposing themselves to homophobia, so they are unlikely to go back into the closet, at least for the long term. Likewise, since being in the closet really means other people not knowing you are closeted, it's harder for an out person to date someone afraid of strangers knowing they are LGBT than someone who is in the closet to a smaller group (e.g. their family or at work/school). Finally, the actual dating can be affected: the more closeted person may be too afraid of showing any affection, which would test any relationship.
     
  19. Assassin'sKat

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    In some situations, sure, as long as they planned to eventually come out.
     
  20. OGS

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    I would not. I've been out too long. All that worrying about what people see and hear and think just sounds exhausting to me. And to be honest I honestly don't know if I even could do it at this point. I picture myself constantly saying things like: "you're kidding right? I mean straight people do that. C'mon it's not like anyone really cares." Plus I just wouldn't want to. I'm pretty awesome and I'm a pretty awesome boyfriend/husband. The idea of being with someone who was in any way ashamed of what we had--no, just ain't going to happen.