Hello everyone, For me, questioning my sexuality has had it's ups and downs...Sometimes I enjoy thinking about it and other times I want to curl up in a ball and cry. Living in a heteronormative society is tough, to say the least. But anyways, to the point... I've posted here on multiple occasions. I've come out to myself as queer but I keep doubting my attraction to women. I live in an extremely accepting family - I have no fear that my family wouldn't accept me. (my cousins I don't think are accepting, but I'm not close to them anyways ) I just keep doubting, doubting, doubting...and I hate it. I didn't even know that women could be attracted to other women until two years ago, about 6 months before I began questioning my sexuality. When I first realized that, I thought nothing of it. I didn't start questioning until I learned of the term bisexual. Anyways, I remember wishing I was a boy growing up...not because I felt like a boy, or wanted to have a boys body or anything like that. Only because I thought boys were so lucky because they got to date women...and I assumed that because I was a girl I had to grow up and marry a man. I've never had a crush on a girl, ever. At least nothing that I acknowledged as a crush. (aside from celebrity female crushes I've had in the past year). I've never found a male celebrity attractive. I've never understood what my friends would see in the members of boy bands - I have always been the one with no interest in all of that. I've had 1 real obsessive crush on a boy...it felt real, but I will say that I remember thinking to myself that I'd be okay with it if we were just really close friends. And when I first started to have a crush on him it wasn't because I found him physically attractive and I remember thinking "I should have a crush on him". I still don't know if it was real...I would imagine us having a future together, stuff like that, but nothing sexual. And now I have no feelings for him whatsoever, but I also haven't seen him in almost a year I've tried masturbating, and when I do I think of women. (will note that I have never orgasmed) I've tried thinking of men and it's just not as pleasing...I can imagine kissing a girl and it gives me butterflies. When I imagine kissing a man it makes me somewhat happy, but not as happy. When I imagine having romantic moments with a man, they aren't happy moments, it's like I imagine some dramatic moment of greif and we are comforting each other and I can't seem to envision much else. With women I can imagine everything...I want to hold a woman's hand, be her everything... I am definitely not attracted to many women I see. I feel like straight men are attracted to every pretty girl. I can tell when a woman is pretty, but if she's not my type I'm not attracted to her...But when I do see a woman on the streets who is my type, I think about them for the rest of the day. Anyways, I doubt myself. I convince myself it must be a phase...or I'm just lonely...or whatever. Idk. (I know it doesn't matter if I know now, I know I'm young, you don't need to tell me that ) Sorry to write an essay. And thanks in advance.
Hey there. It sounds to me like you're a lesbian, however only you can say that for definite. You certainly don't have to find every woman attractive. I hate that some people still think that gay people fancy everyone of the same gender. It's simply not true everyone is different and everyone finds different physical attributes attractive. And it doesn't matter that you're young what matters is how you feel about how you are feeling. People find themselves at varying different ages and after varying experiences. There's no set path. The important thing is that you're happy within yourself. And if you're not then what will make you happy. Ps cute cat
From what you wrote it definitely sounds like you're more attracted to women than men. Whether that means that you're a lesbian or bi/pan is something only you can know. No pressure, though. When I first started questioning I thought it would take me maybe a couple months until I would know for sure. I had always assumed that you just know your sexuality, you know? But I was wrong. It took me about a year and a half to be really sure and to properly come out to myself. So don't worry if it takes some time, that's just how it is for some people. I know it can be really frustrating but you'll figure it out at some point. You said you sometimes try to convince yourself it's just a phase. That sounds like you're not all that comfortable with the idea of not being straight. I recommend watching some LGBTQ+ Youtubers because that way you can see people who are out and you'll realise that it's absolutely possible to have a happy queer life. I recommend the channel roseellendix, where two married women basically just joke around and sometimes talk about their lives.
Thank you so much!!! This is really helpful! Thank you so much! I wouldn't say I try to convince myself it's a phase, in fact, I really don't want it to be a phase. I want to be queer because I want to be able to date women cuz they're just so beautiful I'm definitely not in denial, I have no personal issues with being queer...It's just hard because the rest of the world acts like being straight is the norm so I am afraid of coming out as queer and then realizing I was wrong....
You don't need to worry about writing a book for us... that's how we can get to know you. The more the better. I agree with Mariana and Nerd, you definitely sound gay. It was the sixth paragraph. You put it so well. Not to be flippant, but it makes me want you to be gay. Yeah, but what if...? What if Mr. Right actually does come along. Are there "backsies"? I don't think that happens all too often, but it does sort of suggest that it's better to avoid categories ("I am so-and-so") and prefer descriptions ("I like girls. For now.") At least you're in a reasonable part of the world. Good luck!
I suggest not labelling yourself if it feels stressing, limiting or confusing for you. A person primarily attracted to redheads doesn't call himself "gingersexual". I would wish for a world, maybe in 20 years, where no one would label themselves by what gender they're attracted to. A homosexual relationship would be no more "out there" than a relationship of age difference or race difference is today. It wouldn't be a thing, anymore than having a prefference for a particular hair color. You might find this interesting: https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2016/05/23/imagining-a-world-without-sexual-orientation/ That being said, you definately sound gay to me, at least primarily. I had similar feelings. I watched a short film on youtube where being gay was the norm and straight people were a minority, and I just thought (indirectly) to myself: "I would really want to live in a such world, but since I don't, I will date boys". I had no particular interest in boys either. I mean, I can tell when a boy is attractive, and some men can be aesthetically pleasing, and if I tried hard enough, I could make a relationship with a boy work. But then it kinda hit me: I would probably only do it because it would be easier. If you feel simalary to me, then the category "gay" fits pretty well.
