What are you thinking?

I totally need to catch up on sleep

 

It just hurts today. Not even really sure why, just woke up feeling like this. How mom treats me half the time. How she might kick me out just for changing my major and not telling her this whole time. How she will definetally hate me and kick me out if she finds out i'm gay cause she and my brother are openly homophobic. And she'll probably forbid me from seeing my sister. Not that it matters at this point cause she ignores me, and idk wth i did wrong. Dad's okay but he's like that with everybody and he's really just there. The cats are the only ones ever happy to see me in the morning and when i get home.

Work isn't always a safe space either. Like not literally but i've used it as that for a while. I'm not out there and they don't know anything cause i don't talk to them...but i'm okay not hiding cuts/scars there and i don't try to hide it if i feel like shit and so far they've all reacted positively to that. But some of the company policies and how stupid they are about it make me feel like it wont ever matter how hard i work and how much customers compliment me - one wrong mistake in front of the wrong person and i could be out, really, even if the supervisors and the supervisor turned security girl all like me. Security girl complemented me on what i think is now a monthly check instead of a weekly check on the numbers they track on us. Which was a lifesaver i swear cause potentially gay zms supervisor guy talking to me even in his calm business voice and making me sign three sheets would have been a self harm episode after work for sure otherwise. Cause its been for a while that three sheets signed (usually three separate weeks all in a row) meant you'd get talked to by your department manager. But since they appear to be doing it monthly, and involving the security girl who has access to cameras and a packet of info with better perspective/context...i have no clue what they're doing now. Im just glad she was there and had context and perspective and compliments that potentially gay zms guy's basic paper packet doesn't and even the guy's before him never did. But its impossible to be mad at him just cause he's always nothing but nice to me and was very helpful and considerate once.

Sorry its so long, i know this isn't the ranting thread but the ranting thread is oddly placed under 'gender identity and expression' so i chose this one instead.

 

The Titanic sank 105 years ago today. Not exactly breaking news; I just bring it up because I'm a massive wonk where the Titanic is concerned.

 

So freaking excited for Star Wars: The Last Jedi!!

 

I have a day off, I should go do something but this bed is just too damn comfy. :lol:

 

That my girlfriend gets off of work in 1 hour and will be coming over.

 

So freaking tired of almost nothing but negative news all the time. I'm just overloaded by news that makes me angry or that just plain hurts. It's just too much, damn it. I'm angry enough on my own; don't give me more reasons to be.

 

You are so correct. What is in the news all the time just plain sucks. I pretty much don't even watch the news much anymore because of it. I also elected a few years ago to not get involved with Social Media sites so I don't get exposed to all of that shit on there as well. There is enough to deal with.

 

I feel like I could crawl into a dumpster. Why's this year gotta be so shitty?

 

Mmm, raktajino. Delicious.

 

I can't eat at fast food restaurants anymore. Idk how i did in the past so much but now I think it's gross.

 

Me and some friends are starting a pop punk band soon. I'm excited about it but I feel like I'm too old for pop punk :lol:

 

Since my Mom is working late this evening I am trying to figure out what to eat for dinner with my girlfriend.

 

I'm tired. I'm so tired, I really should go to sleep but I can't be bothered.. Why have I been cursed with this level of procrastination!?!

 

I'm T.I.R.E.D
T. Ticked off
I. Irritated
R. Ready to cry
E. Emotional
D. Done

 

What am I thinking right now? Hmm about maybe printing a poster and putting it up in my room, but mostly about where I see myself in the next few months.

 

Dysphoria sucks and my cravings are ramping up. I got a wicked craving for binging on some veggie burgers, loaded cheese fries, Doritos, and Vanilla Coke while I power marathon The Office and Parks and Recreation.

I'm warning you, kids. Second puberty is a trip. Tomorrow's not going to make anything easier, and my mom is making a pie again. Dammit, this bites. I'm not sure if the car is dead (since one of the batteries kicked it when that snow storm came through), and if my anxiety didn't suck, I'd at least get $10 worth of Doritos or Sun Chips and Sprite. So much for me making healthy choices, amirite?

 

I was just nominated to be the treasurer for my university's GSA

 

That's what happens when you have 2 additional kids, mom. I swear, she just wants more suffering to her life.

 

This is why I won't make the same mistakes that my parents made