My Cheating Boyfriend.

If he truly respected you, he wouldn't have attempted to be unfaithful. This is just my opinion but, I can maybe understand someone cheating on another person because they aren't being sexually/emotionally fulfilled in their relationship (still doesn't make it acceptable). But for someone to cheat for any other reason, seems like a big red flag. He even told the guy that he doesn't think he could find anyone who loves him as much as you do. So, that tells me that he's obviously not lacking emotional fulfillment in the relationship. He knows he is loved, so why cheat? I think he is very insecure and wanting more excitement. I think he's being overly loving with you because he is afraid of losing something that makes him feel secure. Like I said, he knows you love him, and he doesn't want to lose the security of being loved. But love must go both ways in order for a relationship to work.

When I love someone, I see no one else the way I see that person. I could never imagine myself being intimate with another person in any way.

In my opinion, I think this relationship will fail. If I were you, I'd at least give this relationship a break and see what happens. Give yourself some time to be away from him.

 

Personally, if somebody cheated on me I don't think I would ever trust them again?
Can you? Do you trust him?
I don't mean "do you think he'll cheat again?", I mean, "do you trust him not to cheat again?". From how you described it, there doesn't seem to be a good reason for your boyfriend betraying you like that. (Not that there's really any good reason to cheat, mind you.)

Also, you've said that you're uncomfortable with his "apologies", which is, as Chiroptera said, really important. I've got to say, you don't exactly sound happy with your relationship. So here's a few more questions to ask yourself, in addition to Chiroptera's little list:

Would you be satisfied if you stayed in that relationship?
In the long term, do you see yourself being happy with your current boyfriend?
Do you think that you could ever really forgive him for what he did, or will it always be in the back of your mind, making you paranoid and suspicious whenever he makes another "close friend"?

If you're thinking "no" to any of those questions, then obviously that's a huge red flag.

All I can really advise is to do what makes you happy. Reading your post, it does sound like you only really stayed with him because he begged you, rather than out of any forgiveness or love on your own part.

 

The fact that he only begged and cried when he was confronted with the truth shows that he's just hopelessly unaware and immature, and I wonder what really can come out of this by continuing it. He's still very young as well, and it might be best for both of you to move on. You should be with someone who's phone you wouldn't be tempted to check. At this point, you have no trust in him and he has none in you, for invading his privacy.

 

As someone who has been cheated on, and seriously debated a reconciliation/second chance: don't.

You'll never be able to trust them again. Every moment of your reconciled relationship you'll be wondering if they are cheating. It's not healthy.

They aren't sorry they cheated. They are sorry they got caught. If they truly loved you and cared about you, they wouldn't have cheated on you.

The decision is ultimately up to you. I forgave my ex for cheating for my own peace of mind, but I couldn't be in a relationship with her again like that. The trust was completely destroyed and gone.

I spent and wasted 3 years blinded by her actions. Don't be like me and miss a genuine opportunity to find someone who will actually care/love you.

 

Many relationship experts would suggest that trust can be rebuilt after a partner is unfaithful. If you love him, you may want to contemplate if you are able to. It's easy to write off the relationship, but it's not necessary to do so.

 

Think about the fact that if you hadn't discovered that he was about to cheat on you, he would have done so.

The second chance you gave him is not a second chance for him to be a "good" boyfriend, but a second chance for him to cheat on you.

 

I sympathize deeply here. Personally, I do think It's better to move on and find someone new, even though I understand that you loved him and how hard that will be. Thing is, if you give him another chance, it will be hard to trust him again.

 

As everyone has said, the decision is solely yours.

What would make you feel better?

If you stay, hypothetically, how would you feel. If you left, how would you feel?

I am a strong believer in outweighing the pros and cons of something. I understand that you love him dearly, and I am just going to say that letting someone go doesn't mean you don't love them anymore.

Have you tried having a conversation about why he cheated? He is young, maybe he isn't ready for a serious, long term relationship. I know it's hard to have a talk, and it sucks, but it might clear a lot of things up on what he and you really want out of this relationship.

Best of luck to you.

 

I might get crap for this, but as someone who has been the cheater, it's a big sign things just don't work. I obviously never planned to cheat, but clearly I wasn't happy in my relationship and I made the choice to ignore those feelings and search for something more. I cheated on a long term girlfriend once, and later in that relationship started to fall for someone else while still dating this same girl. I broke it off after admitting my first unfaithful act and saying if I stayed it would happen again and I didn't want to do that to her. Make no mistake, I don't blame her at all. I was completely in the wrong and failed to communicate my feelings. But cheating once on someone shows that lack of communication and even of love in a way. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. While I like to believe in second chances, when it comes to cheating I think that has to be the end of line for the sake of everyone involved, especially you.

 

This is well said.

 

If I were you, I would probably take a break from him. It would give you two some time to see what you both want and how things are without each other. If you two are meant to be, then you will be together.

My dad was kinda like this with my mother; he cheated on her a few times. When she threatened to leave him, he would "change" and become this amazing husband and tell her how beautiful she is and how much he loves her. After a while, he would get comfortable again, and he would go back to his old ways of being unfaithful.

In my opinion, 99% of the time, people don't cheat if they truly love their partner. You probably make him feel secure and loved, which is why he is desperate to keep you. But once he finds something else that he is after, he might not be the person you think he is.

 

He's only saying that to you because he doesn't want to lose you (but truthfully he already has, trust can never be the same). He's looking for something in the relationship that he isn't getting. That's usually how cheating goes. It's honestly up to you, but if it happens once how can you be so sure that it won't happen again?

 

That's the first lie.

People don't strike up conversations or affairs with people who don't mean something. There had to have been something there--something that made him want to be with someone other than you--and that is definitely not nothing (saying this as someone who has been cheated on).

Do you guys live together? What is the financial situation of this relationship?

See, this to me is deflecting. He knows why he did it. It's not like he wasn't in control of his own actions. But denying it, makes it seem like it wasn't really him--the person you know and love, who wouldn't do that to you--but someone else.

It's the same speech my ex gave me.

I understand why you feel so lost. I do. But that sounds like cheater guilt. He knows he messed up, and he'll do/say anything to make it right.

My question to you is: could you look past this? Or would this always be in the back of your mind?