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Running away

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Spot, Nov 12, 2016.

  1. Spot

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    I'm going to run away soon or at least I want to. I'm not sure how far I'm going to get. I want to go to the only youth shelter in our city. From my house, it's a 2 hour and 15 minutes walk (one way) but I think that if I use a skateboard or bike it'll be maybe halved. I want to reinvent my life, as a guy or hell, even a girl. It doesn't matter as long as I'm someone else. I'm sick of everyone in my house always fighting. And then there's some things that my parents have done that I don't want to talk about. I'm sick of school, everyone around me and feeling trapped or on pause. And being depressed, feeling hopeless. I'm hoping that if I run fast enough, I'll literally just forget about my life and leave it all behind. I just want to do something. I have $3000 and I know what I need to take with me. Even though I want to, I'm scared because what if I don't seem bad enough to stay at the shelter? And I don't even know what you do there, I was going to show up on the doorstep but can I even do that?

    I just really need to escape. I don't want to attempt suicide again but I'm feeling the urge coming back. I don't want to cut myself again even though I'm feeling tempted right now, the latest time was last week and I want to make a decent attempt at quitting but I know I'll give up after a month. I think tonight was my 4th time taking painkillers when I didn't have any pain, I just wanted to feel relaxed. I didn't want to do that anymore and I hadn't since the last time I had exams because I can sense another addiction coming on. That's probably wrong but I've already sunk pretty low so why does it make any difference? So this is really my only other option, I've tried every other form of escape :help:
     
  2. andimon

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    Hey, Colin.

    I don't think running away while still at such an early age would be the best solution. Have you tried putting yourself more out there? How about joining some book clubs or LGBT alliances in your town?

    Dwelling on your situation at home (which I'm sure it is terrible since you consider running away) will make you no good. You still need to finish your education and living off your own money as from now is not going to be very advantageous.

    My advice is that you take everything into consideration and make the wisest decision. It is your life and you definitely have a broader picture of what you're dealing with.

    I wish you the best of luck (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  3. falconfalcon

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    Colin - I feel you. If you need to leave, I support you completely. I don't want you attempting suicide again either - Do what you have to do.

    But stay safe, OK?

    That's it. That's all - that is the one rule and the one thing you worry about, OK ? STAY SAFE

    Got it?


    Stay Safe. OK?


    Now I'm really worried about you. I'm super glad you have a great plan and are strong and sure of yourself - that's the best thing. But I really want you to be OK, so I want to try and help and support - but I'm going to answer your questions one at a time instead of giving you a lot of random info at once, and take it slow talking to you - OK?


    Thanks for understanding.


    TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!! :slight_smile:



    p.s. when asking for help, all you do is be honest with people about how bad it is. Tell all - say that you can't stand the fighting at home, that you want to leave it all behind as fast as you can, that you are desperate to do so, that you have attempted suicide before and you really dont want to again but you can feel things are too much and its coming back and you HAVE to leave and you need help


    :slight_smile:

    Take care!! Good work kid, you have done some good thinking and planning and standing up for yourself!!!! :slight_smile:


    (*hug*)
     
  4. faustian1

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    You are a very articulate 16 year old. You know your chances of success are not good, just leaving. I understand and support your reasons for wanting to leave, but is this the only way?

    Could you tell us why you haven't considered the social services aspect of your state's government? Children in abusive home situations can be placed in foster care. You would, in that case, have the support of the legal system, instead of its opposition. I'm curious if you have considered this option. You said you've tried every other form of escape...I wonder if this was one of them.

    Also, what falcon said.
     
  5. falconfalcon

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    Ok kid - question 1: do you have a cell phone?


    If you do - put these numbers in it:

    The National Runaway Hotline - They are here to _HELP_, and Connect you to shelters and assistance :slight_smile:


    1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-786-2929


    next phone number:

    Trevor Project:

    1-866-488-7386

    They are here to help LGBT youth anyway they can, and they are familiar with these situations, and the dynamics. Keep this number close


    just in case - here's a national suicide hotline: 1800-273 - talk (273-8255)



    I called the runaway hotline and asked some questions. Youth shelters will help 16 year olds. I'm a little worried about you getting across town - its best if you head out in daylight, OK?

    The hotline told me if you need to you can go to a place that is a Safe Place (seen those yellow placards in fire stations, convenience stores, and some gas stations?) If you go, they are supposed to call the shelter for you.

    National Safe Place | Youth Runaway Prevention | Help and Safety for Teens and Youth in Crisis


    If anything goes wrong, I want you to call the police. 911. Tell them you are a young person alone and you need help, immediately, and that you dont feel safe and are worried about your safety. Get them to come protect you immediately.

    I think you identify as male - fine with me, God bless you, but when in a pinch, tell them you are female to get them to help you faster and better (cops dont worry about 16 year old boys as much as they worry about 16 year old girls)

    If you talk to them cops, simply ask them to help you get to the youth shelter.
    If they say something about your parents, explain to them that you are 16 and that youth shelters take 16 year olds, and you need to go. Tell the cops that the shelter decides if and when to contact your parents, and that they know what they are doing, and they know best. Beg them to take you to the shelter

    If you are talking to the cops (or anyone else) , you can call the national runaway hotline and they will HELP you talk to the cops , they will advocate for you. They will tell the cops you need to be taken to the shelter. Again, that number is 1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-786-2929


    Now - i recommend, as well as putting these in a cell phone, Write Them Down on paper and keep it in your pocket. Sometimes cell phone batteries die - then you can't even retrieve the number to use on another phone.

    In fact, i would write them down on two pieces of paper (along with any other phone numbers or important information you need), and put it in separate pockets.

    In case you lose one paper, you have the other

    Cell phones also get lost or stolen - which reminds me

    STAY SAFE. A young person alone on a 2 hour walk across town is vulnerable. Stay totally safe, don't talk to people you don't know. Stay completely away from anything sketchy or suspicious. Call the cops if you think anything might be wrong. Walk into the nearest gas station, restaurant, grocery store, whatever to get safe.

    The rule is - if someone asks you what time it is, pretend you dont understand and keep walking


    OK?


    Take good care of yourself kid, OK? :slight_smile:
     
  6. Spot

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    Thanks for the replies :slight_smile: I don't want to go into foster care at the moment because I'm afraid that it'll be worse than where I am now. I don't want other people choosing what happens to me either. I do have a phone but I live in Australia so I'm not sure that I can call those numbers. I know KidsHelpline's number anyway because I've used it before so I can put that in my contact list. I am presumably going to leave during daylight, it won't be until my parents are out somewhere or I am. We have the Safety Houses (assuming that's the same as a Safe Place) but back when I was in like 8th or 9th grade all my classmates started saying that pedophiles were setting up fake signs, I've never found any evidence to support that but it still worries me.

    I have to walk along the highway which isn't great (a lot of people will see me) but that's the only way to get into major parts of the city. We also live near a red-light district and apparently there's drug deals in our neighborhood so I never intended on stopping or even making eye contact because I might have to pass through it and it's kind of seedy, I don't know the boundaries of it like where it begins or ends. I can stop when I find a corner shop or something. I'm thinking of leaving tomorrow, after my mom drops me off at school (avoiding the whole district) and then I should be closer to the shelter. But if it goes wrong and I turn back then I'll be marked late for class and the school will contact my parents plus my school is close to my grandparents' house, around the time that my grandmother will be going to work so she might see me. If I go from school, the walk is 1 hour and 30 minutes roughly...there's apparently a church that's nearby my school, I've never been to church but would the church be able to do anything if there's staff (don't know the proper word) there?
     
    #6 Spot, Nov 13, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2016
  7. falconfalcon

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    Wow. Thanks for sharing this with us


    Ok, i don't know anything about Australian law. The thing is, everything around these issues in the US is tightly tightly tightly woven into the law. So everything is very certain what can and can't happen, and who can and can't do what. We have laws about being under 16, and interacting with them, we have laws around "mandated reporter", reporting child abuse, and the shelter system for minors, everything is tight and known and often quickly involves the police.

    I have no idea if its this tight in australia, or anything about australian law anyways.

    Let me look this over and get back to you. Take care and stay safe!!!! :slight_smile:
     
  8. falconfalcon

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    Probably the best help i can be is share what I know about how it work in the US

    First - foster care. Depending where you are in the US, foster care is often full, and kids end up in "group homes" (modern orphanages. Institutions.) This may still be better then where you are now.

    Colin is right to be concerned about foster care being worse than where he is now. In the US, kids are statistically more likely to be abused in foster care, than outside of it.

    And as an LGBT, it can be even more difficult. And, as a youth struggling on and off with surviving suicidality - i would be extremely concerned, as foster care is often a very challenging emotional environment, often toxic if not abusive, and definitely usually not very supportive.

    Usually a kid like Colin ends up running away from foster care.

    As a 16 year old, a teenager, and older than many kids, Colin would be considered basically "undesirable" for adoption, and for many foster care resources and providers. This further stacks things against him, and leaves him with questionable quality resources.


    Colin is 16 years old, and old enough to take care of himself. If he can set that up, with appropriate resources, support, and assitance, he is better off, than in the hands of authoritative strangers, in a underfunded, overstretched system.

    That being said - as Colin has expressed concern, there is plenty of trouble "out there", and he absolutely needs to stay completely safe from it, and seek all necessary protection when and as needed. This is the biggest concern really. Staying safe, and staying out of trouble. If the world were safe, Colin could just seek help getting a job or something, and he would be fine.

    But its not that simple

    So Colin must make sure to stay safe, stay completely away from and out of trouble, and must make sure that Colin's needs are met - that he has a safe place to sleep, plenty of food, and everything else he needs to stay safe, secure, and out of trouble.

    If Colin had a million dollars, Colin would be fine. Or, if food and housing were free, Colin would be in great shape.

    So these are the concerns - staying safe and away from trouble, including predatory adults (and even other teens (and children. I kid you not. They sometimes team up with bad adults), and staying safe by making sure Colin is completely provided for, with safe shelter, food, etc. and does not become vulnerable.



    The question is, does Colin want to finish education, get a job, or both? There are resources for youth on both these fronts in the US. However they are poorly funded and overstretched, so Colin might have trouble accessing such things. I have no idea what goes on in Australia.

    In the US there are places like group homes, and other "program housing" for minors who need a safe place to stay, especially while they finish school.

    If Colin can get a job, he can start to move to living independently on his own. But since he is so young, he is vulnerable and a target, and needs to make sure he is safe throughout this. He needs to have safe people around him all along, and is probably best living with roommates - and needs to make absolutely sure those people are safe. Colin needs help, as a young person, sorting all this out, and making sure all these things are actually safe.

    This is why it is usually best to have youth without adequate parental guidance and support to be in the educational system, such as college, with educational housing. These things are already set up to provide safety to youth, and opportunity and resources for them to learn and develop independence after the program is over.

    Colin's got a lot going on, and sounds like is not in a position in terms of having finished high school to be able to get into college yet. But the general idea is there, and if when he sorts out what he is going to do, in the US it is often helpful to finish high school or get a GED (general education degree).

    But since Colin is young and has a lot going on with him, he's going to have to sort out what he's going to do now and in the near future - and that will take a lot, and awhile, and dominate. It may be best that he focus on getting a job and working so he can make sure he can be financially independent and support himself, and stay safe.

    And of course he's going to have to work out what the system can and will provide for him while he sorts this out - where they can have him stay, for how long, and what resources and programs they might have for him, and for how long . Also what he might qualify for. But he definitely needs to pursue this as he is young, and get what help he can, before he sets out completely on his own

    If he can get connected to good people and resources they will do their best to provide it. It just depends on where you are, and who you deal with. What is set up , and the quality of the people in the system.

    To be continued..
     
  9. falconfalcon

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    And by the way Colin i dunno if you have thought about this yet but when its time to start looking for employment, it will probably be much easier to get a job presenting as a girl, than transgender. Especially at first, while you are building a resume and job expeirence / recommendations from employers. Once you have more to offer employers, in terms of skills /experience / and referalls and recommendations from previous employers, it becomes easier to get hired, you are less likely to have other applicants chosen over you, and you can worry less about things like discrimination on personal matters.

    You've got a lot of challenges - you might want to chose your battles here and there until you are in a "position of strength" :slight_smile:

    Don't let it get you down - in the US alot of us have to hide LGBT issues from employers. As you get older you can have more opportunity about finding more LGBT friendly situations, including workplaces :slight_smile:

    Back to the immediate situation:


    "I do have a phone but I live in Australia so I'm not sure that I can call those numbers."

    Probably not :frowning2: However hopefully there are similar numbers in Australia - tap into them for sure! :slight_smile:


    " I know KidsHelpline's number anyway because I've used it before so I can put that in my contact list."

    Awesome!!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: Good work!!!! :slight_smile:

    Keep looking for phone numbers for agencies, hotlines and not hotlines, that can help people in your situation. Look for that throughout this process, and get connected to all the resources and people you can :slight_smile:


    "I am presumably going to leave during daylight, it won't be until my parents are out somewhere or I am. We have the Safety Houses (assuming that's the same as a Safe Place) but back when I was in like 8th or 9th grade all my classmates started saying that pedophiles were setting up fake signs, I've never found any evidence to support that but it still worries me."


    You are EXTREMELY smart to be worried. This planet is full of funny business, start to finish, top to bottom. DON'T TRUST anything. Only trust people you know. And often people you know a little, may be fake. Seriously - how well do you know someone? Stay safe - and safety in numbers.

    One way to evaluate trust with professional type people, is their accountability. Is their boss watching them? checking up often? Does the government have direct oversight over their work?

    Do they work alone or with a lot of people, who are aware of what they do?

    If you ever have trouble dealing with someone you dont know who is a professional, whether its a shelter worker, social worker, counselour, whatever - talk to their boss. Everyone has a boss.


    And safety in numbers. Get connected to all the resources you can. Is there LGBT services in your city too? call them, talk to them, get connected to any people/resources you can find are good :slight_smile:


    "I have to walk along the highway which isn't great (a lot of people will see me) but that's the only way to get into major parts of the city."

    Do a lot of people walk on this route? Would you be the only pedestrian, or would there be other people walking in both directions? This is definitely a concerning situation

    "We also live near a red-light district and apparently there's drug deals in our neighborhood so I never intended on stopping or even making eye contact because I might have to pass through it and it's kind of seedy, I don't know the boundaries of it like where it begins or ends. I can stop when I find a corner shop or something.

    Ay yay yay. Watch out!!!

    Another thing is when you are walking alone - dont be the only person walking on a block or street if you can. Whenever you are walking, make sure there are other people walking too. Do not get isolated, walk near other people and groups of other people (but not scary looking or creepy looking people!!!)
    (and dont get too close to anyone, or seem like you are following them or watching them)


    "I'm thinking of leaving tomorrow, after my mom drops me off at school (avoiding the whole district) and then I should be closer to the shelter."

    Brilliant!!!!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

    " But if it goes wrong and I turn back then I'll be marked late for class and the school will contact my parents"

    So what? big deal - minor damage. Come up with some stories to get through it. Tell them you wanted to try smoking cigarettes to look cool to make more friends, but you didn't want anyone to know, so you went to try and buy some, but you didn't know where the store was and you couldn't find it. Whatever - you'll get through the incident. Just dont let your escape plans slip :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

    "plus my school is close to my grandparents' house, around the time that my grandmother will be going to work so she might see me."

    Hmm... best to consider ways to avoid this. long way around her house? Duck into a store for a few minutes while she goes to work? (would the store think you were too young to be there alone at that time of day?)

    What's your school like? My high school, when we were 16 , a lot of us could drive and we would go out to lunch. So it was an open campus. Kids would drive, walk, or bike off campus throughout the day and no one thought anything of it.

    When I lived in New York City near a high school all the kids would walk off at lunch if they wanted to and go buy pizza. It was an open campus too, with no cars....

    Any such luck? Is there open coming and going at lunch? Could you walk off at lunch, or would they stop you, or be suspicious?

    just a thought....

    " If I go from school, the walk is 1 hour and 30 minutes roughly..."

    Sounds better..


    "there's apparently a church that's nearby my school, I've never been to church but would the church be able to do anything if there's staff (don't know the proper word) there?"

    Yes. They can make a phone call for you. You can ask them to call the youth shelter for you (be prepared to give them the number to move things along), they can also call the police. They also might call the school. :confused:

    They can also be a place to duck into to get safe. You can ask them to let you stay there until a safe adult can come get you and escort you somewhere else. _ALWAYS_

    However, you have to understand , they may feel they want to call the police to 'cover their own backside'. You wont be able to stop them if they want to.

    If the police will help you get to the shelter , that's fine. All the better.

    If the police will prefer to turn you over to your parents........


    In the US the police are supposed to help you get to the shelter if you ask. But cops here just don't know what they are doing. So often they assume its their job to take you home, or take you to the police station and call your parents. That's why our runaway hotline is happy to have you call them, and they will talk to the cop talking to you....

    The good news is, i was able to google some of the youth shelters in australia and the websites definiftely do say they work with 16 year olds, even 15 year olds. That's a great sign


    So - it seems like the biggest problem we have here, at least at first, is getting to the shelter, and its starting to look a bit like a transportation problem..


    hmmm.. could you call a cab (taxi)? would they take a 16 year old by themselves? Are the cabs safe where you are? (dont get into a car by yourself with a stranger. Usually cabs are safer because they are at work, and they know their boss is checking. But in this world you still never know :frowning2:


    At this point, i would consider calling a youth shelter in australia (maybe to stay anonymous, first try one in a different city?) (be careful what you tell them. In the US, if you tell them a child is being abuse (You), they are required to report the abuse to the police, immediately. Maybe just say you are LGBT and unhappy, for a start...) and ask them if you try and run a way to a shelter, what happens if you run into the police? will they take you to the shelter, or somewhere else?

    This would be good to know......


    Ugh wish I could walk you there :wink:


    Let us know how its going!!!!!!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

    Take care!!!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: