I know I have started a lot of threads here (I am gay, I am not gay, I don't know, it's a roller coaster, on and on) but I just wanted to post a separate thread for anyone new and starting out. I still have a long way to go, but what everyone says here is right, just accept it to yourself- you don't have to do anything right away but just accept your sexuality. I fought a long time with myself since coming here, and I know its not going to be easy, but really if I had just been honest with myself I would accepted it a lot sooner. Yes, there are years of denial but it's not really that hard to figure out - the first day I posted here and said I was gay I felt an incredible rush of joy and happiness and peace. I got scared of those feelings and tried to excuse them away (oh its just a fantasy, i only like guys body parts in a sexual way but that's just a fantasy) But when I finally accepted to myself that I want to be intimate with a man both sexually and emotionally I absolutely realized that I was gay. But it gets better. I finally realized why I feel lonely and depressed and unhappy often. It's because I never had the motivation to date women because deep down I knew I couldn't get close in any way. I did have a girl friend here and there but it fizzled out because I was indifferent. What really made accept and be happy about being gay is that I now have to the desire to seek closeness and intimacy with someone. Will it happen? There is no guarantee of that -but if I keep denying it then its sure not to happen. For the first time in my life, since I can't remember when, I realize I have a chance to be happy and I know how.
Congratulations on this important milestone and thank you for sharing your thought process for people who are new and starting out.
Way to go, findingjoy! There are always special challenges in life for LGBTQ people, but understanding and accepting who you are is a HUGE step forward towards living a happy life. It's far easier to deal with external challenges if you know and accept yourself internally. Be the best you that you can be!
Thanks everyone! I tried to except myself before but now it's sunk in. I am still dealing with all the issues of coming out but I am no longer questioning. Once you accept yourself all the things you struggled with - the 'questions' become easy to answer. I am not saying dealing with the answer is always easy but once I fully accepted that I am gay it became so much easier to answer questions I wrestled with every day: "she' so beautiful, why dont' i feel any attraction". But what I was really surprised about is once i fully accepted being gay I felt an incredible change from being withdrawn to wanting to get out and socialize. I was never motivated to date women; now it seems obvious why but before i thought it was just because I was depressed.
You're just awesome! I would do something really special for yourself as a "thank you". Spoil yourself somehow. You've had the courage to be with the unease, the uncertainty, the doubt, the fear - and now your reward is authenticity. I'm convinced that happiness can only come from authenticity. Please (I'm being preachy I know - sorry) just celebrate what you've achieved. It truly is life-affirming and something you've got every right to be proud of.
Thanks Patrick. Now is the scary part, moving into the real world. Scared that reality might not live up to my fantasy. I guess its a good thing that that's holding me back instead of 'i don't want to be gay' thoughts. .. but its hard to come off this pink cloud.
Thank you for posting this. I can tell that a lot of us appreciate it! I bounce between thinking I've accepted myself, and not being sure that I have, so I know I'm on a long road. What resonated with me was mentioning how you'd been lonely and depressed so much, and that's been my case, too. I'm glad to see a success story and to know that it does get better. Thank you! And best of luck in finding love.
i definitely still bounce a little but the denial is fighting a losing battle - because I feel so happy when I fully accept myself. I realize the denial is more just worrying about trying to figure out how to make it work in the real world. Once I accepted I am gay it allowed me to realize so much more I am starting to accept that not only that I am gay but I want to be gay. its not something I "have" to live with, its how I can find happiness and intimacy in the world....
Thanks! and one other note :icon_bigg Coming here and reading other posts and other coming out stories made me realize I am not just a interested in sex, but love. And that became a little harder to accept. I thought when people said 'I am born gay" they meant they just wanted to have sex with their own gender, when I read stories here and started to realize the intimacy that has been missing from my life. Even just imagining it is so much more intimate than anything I experienced when i was living in denial.