Guys I'm feeling all of these mixed up emotions, doubts, fears. Just yesterday I wrote a thread about my needs as a gay woman. Today I find myself saying, how do I know any of that? How do I know who I really am? How do I know anything about me, given that 90% of my life I've been walking around blindly just fumbling around and apparently making bad decisions, based on not understanding myself well enough? I know what this is, this is me feeling doubts because I'm facing huge decisions, things are getting real, and I don't want to f* up terribly, especially when so much is at stake. But knowing that doesn't take the nagging doubts away. How do I get my head back on right? How do I get myself to see things more clearly again? I need to be able to see the core truths that help me feel I'm doing the right things. ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2016 at 11:42 PM ---------- This is nuts, I know I'm gay, why am I doubting this? I've always known. I just never acknowledged it. Why do these doubts keep cropping up?
I think it's perfectly normal to feel doubts about any significant decision, particularly when it's life changing and impacts others that you care about. (*hug*)
Thanks NotMyName. It's all just feeling so overwhelming. I keep thinking how did I end up here in this place in my life?
I feel the same way just about questioning. What you're going through at the moment must be very overwhelming. Think of the long term, though. Fulfilling all your needs from your other thread.
I felt the same way barista, and I was single with no commitments at the time. I thought if I could lie to myself for this long, what makes me so sure I am not lying to myself now? I can only imagine how much more difficult going through that stage must be when you are married and have kids!! Even worse, all this happened so very quickly for you... But you will get through this! (*hug*) I wish I could somehow help you or tell you how to make it stop, but the doubts really just slowly faded with time for me as I dealt with them, one by one.
you're stronger than you know Jedi. (*hug*) you know your answers. find a quiet spot and just let your mind settle, now look at your sexuality as a separate entity, now bring it into you as a part of your whole. does it fit, I bet it does, now your answer is both before you and part of you. this is one of the exercises that I do as part of my meditation and I find it helpful in discovering who I am. don't worry if it doesn't work the first few times, just let it flow. it can be difficult to settle a chattering mind but relaxing the mind is quite possible. one way to settle your mind is to give it a job, focusing on deep steady breathing, quieting a racing heart beat, etc.
Barista, there's alway going to be those up and down feeling some days are rough. Not long ago when I was struggling with emotions and not sure why, one of my lesbian friends told me that when we live hetero normative, we become numb. And when we come out and open up all these emotions hit us and feel like too much to handle some days. I think she's exactly right and I've felt a ton better since hearing her say it. Maybe that thought will help you some, too.
I guess the longer you've been in denial the longer it takes for you to have acceptance. At least that's my feeling. I'm still trying to deal with acceptance and using meditation to help with that and my depression.
Thanks so much guys (&&&) I'll write more soon, but just wanted to check in really fast. I just came back from having drinks with someone who's been through all of this. It was so encouraging.
