After he broke up with me - I initiated it, kinda told him "Can't do this anymore, I'm tired of you disappearing all the time and never have time for me, so I'm giving you a chance to break up with me" - we agreed that we will try to stay a part of each other's lives, since we still cared about each other. We didn't talk for a few days, then he suggested we stayed friends. I said I wasn't sure if "friends" was what I wanted since I was still madly in love with him, but said we'd give this a chance. A few days later I asked him to reconsider and we get back together. Said he would give the relationship another chance, but wasn't ready right now, as he wants to focus on work and study. I said "OK, if that's what you want, I can't really do anything, but rescpect that". We didn't really speak after that for a few days. But, like, two weeks ago we had a little chat. It was going well... well, kinda, we were trying to be friendly, it was rather awkward. I made some snarky remarks in regards of him saying something that sounded stupid. And ever since nothing. Not a word from him. Two weeks already, I think... Decided to check out his fbpage (for some reason we never added each other on our friendlists), so I see on his wall this quote "sometimes you need to burn some bridges, so you don't cross them again" or something like that. And it got me thinking - this might be it, not even "friends" anymore. And that would be fine with me probably... if I didn't think about him all the freaking time, if I wasn't still in love. So, I don't really have a question for you, guys, I guess I'm just looking for a confirmation that I can't really do anything and maybe it's time for me to move on and not fight for this, since it really can't seem to work out for us. So what do you think? Do I text him and ask him how he's doing or just never call/message him again?
I think, in a sense, you know the answer already. Friends isn't working out, because you want different things, and the limbo status you guys are in isn't making it any easier for you to move forward with your feelings. I think it might be time to acknowledge that you two need some time apart, for more than a few days - maybe indefinitely, or until you have some other reason than your prior relationship to be in contact. Sometimes it can feel more mature to stay in contact after a relationship, but in reality it often just makes it harder on both parties. Take the time to yourself, get back on solid emotional ground with yourself again, and then proceed from there. I know it's not the easiest thing to hear, but the truth is, until you two finish breaking up, there won't be any friendship or any other relationship developing, and that's not something that either of you deserve.
I agree with Gravity's response. I believe its time for you to accept the fact that to move on and let go because it sounds as if he has. Therefore, I think you should do the same. I just believe that what makes it easier to move from this type of relationship for me is the fact of knowing that the other party has done so and not moving on with his life. Therefore, instead of mopping and feeling horrible...why should I give him that benefit when he has not done the same for me???
Well, I really am trying to move on, but it feels like I'm stuck. He's just in every thought. I'll try not to contact him, so we'll see where this goes. :icon_sad:
Here is the thing with couples who break up and get back together again. It only ever works out if the initial problems are addressed. "Some time apart" simply isn't enough unless you really fix the root cause of the problem. In this situation, what made you ask "Can't do this anymore, I'm tired of you disappearing all the time and never have time for me, so I'm giving you a chance to break up with me"? Obviously you weren't happy since you gave him an ultimatum, and even if you are expecting him to pick you, you need to understand that the opposite is entirely possible when you challenge people like this. Nevertheless, he clearly stated that he wants to focus on work and himself, so even if you were to get back together, your problems won't be addressed. In fact, they may be worse. I know you love him, but don't be so quick to rush yourself back into a relationship where you felt the dire need to force decisions about your future. Breaking up is hard. It is really really hard and may be for months. That is okay and there are people here and in your life to support you. I think you owe it to yourself to give it time if you were truly unhappy with the amount of time he was dedicating to you. Everyone's advice to move on is good, but I don't think its good for the reason of "well he has moved on you should too" (even though its not bad). I think you should move on for the reason "your relationship wasn't working and you were unhappy, and nothing has changed that". My two cents anyway...
