Sometimes, I wonder if whether or not my same-sex attraction is a result of my attachment trauma (I'm usually dismissive/avoidant, but can also take on pre-occupied anxious style). I found this quote on a same-sex attraction site: WTH?! Is this attraction based solely on my attachment trauma? Had my mom been more available when I was a kid, would I be questioning my sexuality right now?! I'm at a complete loss. Is this real or in my head???
Eh, I heard this kind of thing from the ex-gay groups. Its kind of old school stuff, from the people who came right after freud. Some of their stuff was helpful, and some was rediculous.. I would take it with a grain of salt. Might have some element of truth for a handful of people, but it's part of that system that is saying that homosexuality is pathological. It isnt. Being gay is not a sign of being broken or sick.
Unfortunately you will never know that. Also I firmly believe tons of bisexual people think that they are completely straight because it is the 'natural and normal' way of life, especially if they have always been dating the opposite gender. So not questioning does not mean you are definitely straight. As for the lack of a mother or father figure, I can only give you anecdotal evidence. I did not grow up with my parents and there is little affection between me and them. I know quite a few people who also grew up with abusive or absent parent(s). Yet I am the only one identifying as non-straight. One of my friends always tells me how much she wishes she was into girls because straight relationships gross her out (she came from a very broken family). But at the same time she can't stop fantasizing about men and she is currently very much in love with her boyfriend.
Thank you!! After reading it, I felt sick to my stomach. Thought I was going to vomit. I dunno where that came from ---------- Post added 14th Jul 2016 at 08:36 PM ---------- Thank you for your examples. Reading what I quoted abov just left me so damn confused and upset.
Does it matter what caused a person to become gay, or just that the person is, and that they should live their life out as a happy gay person?
Hey caliwomen how have you been? You thread start you! I guess I'd like to see if the sight you found this at is credible. There is a lot of "JUNK" (misinformation) on the web. Try to see if you can find reference to this on www.psychologytoday.com Just off the bat, the claim sounds hokey. Later
It's part of the process for me. Is the goal to be happy? Of course, but there's something ingrained in me that's fighting this. ---------- Post added 14th Jul 2016 at 09:39 PM ---------- Brain, I'll search that site. The one I quoted is from a same sex attraction site.
I have pretty good anecdotal evidence against this. I grew up in a family that almost lacks men entirely, the only exception being my grandfather who is the opposite of a good "father figure" (he's very verbally abusive) while all the women are very nurturing and caring. If lack of attention from parents/role models of one sex were behind attraction I should be super straight and my brother should be super gay. That is not how it worked out, but hey at least my sister is straight so they got that one right. :lol:
Cali, I used my google skills to find the page you were looking at. Though it has an academic vibe, that page is put out by a mormon ex-gay group that buys into Nicolosi's repairative therapy bullshit. Ignore.
Attachment failure does happen, and it does cause problems... but same-sex attraction is not one of the issues that arises from attachment failure, as much as the ex-gay "reparative therapy" quacks would like for it to be. If attachment failures actually caused same-sex attraction, then the incidence of gay people would be more like 40 or 50% of the US population. If you want to read about how early childhood bonding can affect the risk of various issues, I suggest Gabor Maté MD's wonderful book "The Body Says No".