Hey all, I've been lurking for a while, so I figured I should register and participate a bit. This forum has been great to me so far. I'd been "out" only to my ex-wife since well before we separated (not due to my sexuality). She is accepting but I never really felt comfortable talking to her about it, or felt like I could talk to anyone else. A few months ago, I met some new friends who just happened to be gay. Very recently, one of them mentioned "internal homophobia" in relation to a guy he'd been seeing. I'd never heard that expression before, but it resonated so strongly with me that I immediately outed myself to them. In the days following I had exponential growth in self-acceptance, and began to understand much more about the discomfort I felt discussing my orientation, attractions, etc with other people. While looking for some local in-person support groups online, I also stumbled across EC, and have been lurking ever since. So here I am! :eusa_danc
I love the thread title of "Thought I should hit the 'unlurk' button". It reminds me of Etis and his escapades with the "ready" button.
Welcome! We *all* have internalized homophobia, unfortunately, because we get millions of tiny messages throughout our lives from media, culture, and especially religion. It's death by 1000 paper cuts. But outing yourself, talking about who you are is what helps to take the shame away. One of Brené Brown's quotes is useful here: "We walk inside our story and own it, or we can stay outside and hustle for our worthiness. If we walk inside our story, we get to write the ending." I also suggest getting a copy of Joe Kort's wonderful book "Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love" (Not to be confused with another "Ten Smart Things" book he wrote with a similar titie.) The book has little to do with finding real love, but everything to do with understanding and loving yourself, and is a great book for someone newly coming out. I'm glad you're here and posting, and I hope you'll stick around.