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Is This What Being Straight Is Supposed To Feel Like?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by HissingSheep, Jul 5, 2016.

  1. HissingSheep

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    I've always considered myself straight but what confuses me is the fact that when I look at pictures of handsome guys and try to imagine myself making out with them or having sex with them, I feel a strong and overwhelming sense of anxiety. It's a very unpleaseant feeling, almost like a mini panic attack that knocks the breath out of me and it can even leave me anxious and nervous even after I close out of the gay stuff and do something completely neutral and unrelated.

    Some context on my sexuality:
    I first discovered masturbation when i was 12 and at that time my fantasies were pretty bisexual; I fantasized sexually about all the guys and girls in my class. The gay fantasies were always the hottest, but around age 14 I decided I "didn't wanna be gay" so I forced myself to only fantasize about girls. Later on when I discovered porn I only watched straight porn. Straight porn is very arousing and satisfies me very much, so the thought of watching gay porn never even crossed my mind. Recently I tried to watch gay porn and realized that it made me feel either very uneasy or very scared and panicky with almost no arousal. Alot of the time I see things that I know would turn me on, but don't, like somethings mentally blocking me from feeling that way for some reason.

    The weirdest part about it is if I fantasize more abstractly(imagine myself having sex with a faceless, headless guy where I only imagine the neck down) I get aroused and get that "perfect fit" sort of feel. But if I try to fantasize about grown men in my life the anxiety takes over and knocks out any sexual feeling out of me leaving me with just a very strong, unpleaseant anxiety.

    What I'm asking is, is this how being straight is supposed to feel like? Like if straight guys try to imagine sex with other guys, do they feel like this too? I guess I just always thought that if u were straight then gay sex wouldn't really do anything for you, like you would just be like "meh, whatever doesn't do it for me", not get super anxious every time.
     
  2. Gleeko0

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    We can imagine this the other way around for example. Lets say, im a gay guy. So, how do I feel about girls ? Well, I feel nothing about girls, in the sexual sense lol
    Making out with a girl doesn't get me up. Imagining sex with a girl neither.

    Now, from your descriptions, you do get aroused at the thought of gay sex. Perhaps your anxiety is linked to some sort of denial ?

    Since you also feel attracted towards girls, you are probably bi or somewhere in there. Labels are not everything too you know. If you want, just leave the labels aside and discover what you like, without labelling. That might help you with your anxiety attacks. The anxiety thing is a bit scary too, to be honest. If those feelings are affecting you in a physical sense, you should consider seeing a psychologist or therapist.
     
    #2 Gleeko0, Jul 6, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2016
  3. AlmostBlue

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    I don't think that is how straight people feel, and your anxiety is most likely related to you having learned to suppress your homosexuality all these years. The anxiety you describe sound intense, and I agree with Gleeko0 that maybe you could seek out a therapist or a psychologist for this.
     
  4. HissingSheep

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    Hey Thanks for the response :slight_smile:
    Yeah I guess that kinda makes sense, the denial part anyways. I should also mention that for a very long time just looking at super effeminate gay men made me very angry and nervous for some reason. Like a fight or flight response is activated just by looking at them, or sometimes just hatred. And it really sucks because I don't want to be hateful at all but i just feel so much resentment build up for no reason.

    The anxiety is scary but im no stranger to it; I've had many anxiety disorders in the past and this sort of anxiety is very familiar to me, its just weird for me how gay sex is triggering it.

    Well, Anyways, thanks for taking the time to help me out :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2016 at 11:03 PM ----------

    Yea I can see that, but I always got the impression straights guy get very angry and aggressive when someone mentions offers gay sex to them making me think anxiety/anger is a normal ish response maybe? from straight men
     
  5. Gleeko0

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    #5 Gleeko0, Jul 8, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2016
  6. Reggie

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    I've never fantasized about having sex with another guy. I have no clue if that's typical straight or I'm an aberration.

    I can appreciate some guys are better looking. But there's never been an attraction for me.

    I feel nothing when I see naked men.

    Hope this helps.
     
  7. AlmostBlue

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    Yes, an aggressive response is usually internalized homophobia, and studies have shown in the past that the most homophobic men tend to be gay themselves. Your intense reaction when seeing effeminate men is quite characteristic of internalized homophobia. I think the years of repressing your homosexual side may have contributed to this. I'm sure you can slowly undo this and start embracing your bisexuality if that's what you'd like. Going to a therapist could help as well.