I got too attached to a guy who doesn't care.

Hello. My name is Scott and I'm 18 years old... I'm bisexual (More into guys if that matters).

I've never been in a relationship with a guy, However, I've lost my virginity to one. I'll start from the beginning.

Last year I met a guy (Let's call him jack) and originally we met for 'NSA' fun. I'd just come to terms with my sexuality not being straight and wanted to explore. Anyway, Jack comes to mine while my parents are out of town and we have sex. We've done this a few times and not thought anything about it - I wasn't attached.

Recently (About a month ago) We meet up just for a chat...? I wasn't expecting to anything to happen but we start getting into really deep conversation and one thing leads to another and we start kissing... really passionately and it just felt different to 'NSA'. We met up a lot more often after this event and kiss/cuddle and watch films. I really started to develop feelings for him and I thought the feeling was likewise... considering he told me that he had liked me.

The last time I saw him was Monday 13th and the last thing he said was "Goodbye gorgeous" and kissed me. He laters messaged me telling me that he missed my 'cute' smile.

This is the point that things start to go bad. I message him the day after just saying Hi and he didn't open the message... Still hasn't. So I begin to get worried, concerned that I had done something wrong and send him a text and a Facebook message.. Surprise surprise he doesn't open them/reply. On the 19th I rang him as I wanted to know what was going on/what I did wrong and I finally get a text from him saying that he's just been really busy (despite posting on Facebook and instagram... meeting up with his friends all week long). I asked him if he still wanted to keep talking and that he could be honest with me as I'd rather know to stop me from wasting my time... He said he wanted to keep talking and put a kiss at the end.

I haven't heard from him to this point. If he was busy why didn't he just message me saying that instead of ignoring me? Why would he say that he still wants to talk if he doesn't even wanna speak to me? I feel like i'm being messed around... one week he seems really interested in me and even says he likes me and the next I can't get a response from him.. It's been 2 weeks since We've had a conversation.

I developed feelings for this guy and now I feel absolutely terrible because I don't know what's going on...? If he is even ever gonna speak to me again and it's not like I can ask him because he keeps ignoring my messages.

He's also 18 and openly gay.

What should I do? I feel extremely down at the moment and somewhat depressed as he was the only guy that knew about me being BI and he was one of my only friends. I have no one to talk to about this and the guy I was falling for is ignoring me. I don't know what I've done wrong.

Any advice would be greatly accepted.

 

Hello and welcome here!

Unfortunately there is little you can do for now. It is a sad part of life to discover that sometimes, we are more attached to certain people than they are attached to us. Sucks, but what can we help...

However, as soon as you get the chance to have a real conversation with him again, I think you should directly bring the matter on the table, and tell him how you felt being ignored like that for days. Some people seem to think that playing "distant" is the right way to get someone even more attached to you; it can in fact be hurtful, and if so, I do encourage you to tell him right away that waiting like that is not a turn on, but could very well break this relationship you've got.

18 is often an age when people experiment and are not serious in their relationships. If that's his case, then he should tell you so. Have you two discussed what you wanted, romantically, for your foreseeable futures?
Also, keep in mind that for some people, developing crushes can be a bit overwhelming, which gives him a little benefit of the doubt. (Tiny one. IMO he owes you better explanations, or at least to be honest with his intentions now that you're clearly passed the NSA relationship.)

Best of luck, and please keep us updated! (*hug*)

 

You asked him to be honest with you, and it appears that he has not accepted your invitation.

I grew up in the United States, in Seattle, Washington and I can tell you that, there, the phrase quoted above or the phrase, "We should get together sometime" is roughly translated into English thus: "We'll get together, on the twelfth of fucking never..."

Perhaps you live in a similar place. I had these same problems, until I discovered there were other places less passive-aggressive. I'm sure that, if you were in New York or on the northeast coast of the United States south of Maine, your question would have a higher likelihood of being answered honestly.

My advice to you is--make a resolution to get out there and meet more people. That guy is a jerk of the highest order, and should be left to figure out his own problems.

 

Definitely agree with this ^. You have to communicate with eachother. If you see that you're having a hard time getting to him by text, try to set something up where you guys can talk. Like mirkku said, put the matter on the table and tell him how you felt being ignored the past few weeks. Ask him what's been going on, and compare what you both want out of the relationship. From there you should be able to see if it'll work, or not. Hope that helps, keep us updated ^^^^^

 

I'm just going to be blunt with you man, you messed up. To my understanding, the two of you weren't supposed to be anything other than f**k buddies. FB's don't Netflix & Chill and they definitely don't have deep meaningful conversations. The only conversation the two of you should have, is when you're telling him where his clothes are and to lock the door on his way out. What's done is done, all you can do is learn from it. But first decide on what you want..a relationship or a "sex-ship"? There's no shame in the latter. Just don't open your heart to him/her and make your expectations clear from the jump; that way there's no guess work for you later on should things go south and he/she knows what to expect.

As far as him not answering or replying back to you, I say cut him off. Ain't nobody that damned busy to where they can't get back in touch with you after two weeks! This isn't the 90's where people had beepers and pay phones, we are in an era where Wi-Fi and cell phones are practically at the end of our fingertips! Granted, I can't say for sure if he's playing you, but I can say that continuous messaging on your part will more likely chase him away anyways b/c men don't like to feel trapped or be suffocated.

And this is me putting it mildly and disregarding the possibility of him just being a complete liar. No offense.

 

@knucklesnation

Things changed between us. He was the one who initiated the kissing and he was also the first one to tell me that he liked me. I dony usually get attached until I know that I'm not wasting my time and is the reason why I decided to let myself develop feelings for this guy because he said he liked me and acted like he wanted to be with me. He has lead me on.

I will take your advice though, if I haven't heard from him within the next week or so I'm getting rid of his number, Facebook and snapchat etc.. Seeing his name is a constant reminder and is making me feel worse. I clearly don't mean much to him.

 

Hi Scott

Really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low, but I do think you allowed yourself to become too attached, too soon, even though it wasn't your intention.

You both entered into a NSA arrangement and even though it was your first time, it's possible, if not probable that 'Jack' had other such arrangements - arrangements that he might have been fulfilling over the last few weeks. In his mind, the no strings arrangement hadn't changed, even though there had been a shift in your intentions.

It is shallow of him to ignore you, even if it is/was no strings, so you will have to decide if you are willing to maintain any sort of contact with someone him now. Personally, I wouldn't, because he has been rude and disrespectful.

We live and learn from our mistakes and I'm sure you have taken this experience as a valuable lesson.

 

*UPDATE*

Hello all. Last night (probably not the best time to send messages) I sent the guy a snapchat, just saying 'Hello?'. He hasn't opened it as of yet, and I'll be surprised if he does.

I've written a message (That I haven't sent yet, because I'm scared of the response). That goes along the lines of "I'm not going to be messed around anymore, you seemed really interested and now you won't even reply." - it's basically just me ending things on my end, my final message to him that will allow me to move on (or atleast in my head make it certain that things are over).

Part of me thinks that he is gonna start replying again and that's why I'm hesitant to send the message but I know deep down that he isn't going to.... and this is the kind of closure that I need to be able to move on.

 

Hi Scott! You have to be firm, if that's your decision. It's a valid decision, so even if he messages you again, know that there is a "block" option for numbers and social media accounts, if you don't want to receive any message from him again. Radio silence would definitely be an end. I am sorry it might end that way. (*hug*) But eh, you're 18! Many (and better) humans await you!

 

*UPDATE* #2

So I've taken a few days to try and figure out what to do. My snapchat remains un-opened. I sent him another text saying 'Hey x'.

I'm so attatched to this guy I just can't move on. It's been weeks and I'm thinking about him every day. I'm really stuck.

I'm gonna give him one last day to reply before I send the message (that I explained in my first update) to him to tell him I'm done with him messing me around.

He's made me feel so shitty about myself!! I've tried to talk to other people... not for relationship/romantic/sexual reasons.. simply friendly to try and take my mind off of him but he still crops up everywhere... I see his make of car or a certain song plays then I'm back to feeling rejected again.

Help..

 

Oh, dear.. :/

Given how attached you are, at this point, delaying you sending him the message will only cause more harm. Break ups are hard, even more so emotional break-up, but it seems necessary at this point. If someone makes you feel shitty and/or rejected this is never a relationship to keep up.

I know it's hard, but please cut all ties asap. Why wait tomorrow? You need to take care about yourself, man. It'll hurt for a while but it will give you the actual space you'll need to heal and get over this guy. You deserve much better than someone who thinks he can have you whenever he wants, all while choosing to ignore you whenever he wants, too. That's not okay, hun.

Have courage! It'll get better. (*hug*)

 

*Final update*

Hello again, this is my last update on this matter.

Recently I'd began to feel better.. I stopped thinking about this guy as much and am doing my best to forget about him. I finally decided to send the message that I had been talking about in my previous updates... I've literally just sent the message.

It took me a lot of courage and talking myself into it... but I sent it. And I felt relieved as soon as the message said 'Delivered'. He probably won't reply, and that's because he's a coward. He lead me on and just left without giving me any reason. This all happened very quickly and i'm happy it didn't waste any more of my time then it all ready has.

I feel like I can finally move on and find someone who cares about me as equally as I care about them.

Thanks for all your advice and I hope this thread is helpful for anyone else in my situation

 

Son, I am super-proud of you and am currently sending you tons of "GOOD JOB" and "Now onward to your next journey, best of luck and courage for that!" kinda vibes. (*hug*)