Frustrated

All I can offer is that I feel the same way a lot of the time these days. I swear there needs to be a "bi camp" that we can be sent to once in awhile. Stop all the clocks, freeze our lives for a couple days, do our gay thing, then go back to our straight lives! :bang:

But, let me ask this. Would you rather be straight?

 

I've been in a lot of self reflection today while weeding the garden. Hate that!

I went from giddiness about moving ahead as a bisexual to wishing I was not bi. What I finally settled on was that I have loved my life. Part of the reason I ended up in this life was because I was bi. I was so conflicted as a young man about my sexuality that I broke up with my family "approved" girlfriend, gave up my religion, and moved far from home. Then I met my wife. All because I was bi. These were all good things for me.

What if I would have been gay? My puppy love got AIDs after he went off to college. That was not a good time to be gay.

So, in the end, I am thrilled I am bi! But, it can be a pain!

 

New here but I feel the frustration. I wish I could wave a wand and my wife be acceptable to me being femme and dating/relationship with men and still be married to her...I guess that's the cake and eat it to..just coming here and posting has immensely helped my loneliness though. Bi2me I can't offer much advice only to say you are who you are embrace it, love yourself.
Now I need to follow my own advice

 

I will respond more in depth when I get a chance but I totally hear this so, so much!

 

Oh yes I wish there was a more visible Bi community. I'd love to go to camp half blood! I think the reason I didn't come out in high school is that the group of lesbian girls I knew said things like "If she'd just get with a girl she'd realize she's not really bi." It's amazing to me that some people think if you just get laid all your frustrations will be gone and everything will be fixed. Back in high school I used to wish I was either gay or straight, it didn't matter which I just didn't want to be bi. It didn't seem like there was a place for me as bi in the world. I've accepted that I'm not in the LGBT world, but a part of it. I hope that makes sense, I'm not sure how else to explain it.

Have you asked your husband if he would like to do bi things together? It isn't something for everyone, but I've been to a strip club with my husband. I used to draw him erotic girl love drawings. Some fantasys can be fulled if your partner is into it.

 

(((((((( bi2me ))))))))

I'm sorry I've been *so very* out of touch lately. I have been...distracted (worth an e-mail). But yeah, I get it. I'm in a not completely dissimilar place myself.

You say you like yourself better...that is *wonderful*...does your *husband* like you better in this "newly queer-identified" way? I don't mean does he embrace you calling yourself bisexual...but has he noticed any of the subtler changes? Does he see you as different? If so, then he should be willing to support you embracing that identity that has given you these new qualities. If not (particularly if he *dislikes* any changes)...then he at least needs to realize that the changes he's seeing are part of *who you are*, the *real* you...and that he may be asking you to be something other than you are. And that that's not fair to either of you.

 

My straight side can be so juvenile...my wife with another woman so turns me on it's embarrassing. Not that I know much about normal straight guys...but, I would consider asking your husband the question. If that would help.

If the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak, a threesome with another guy and my wife is not the experience I want. It would be for my wife and that's OK. It may be the same for you. I do fantasize, however, about doing a guy and bringing the details back to bed with my wife. Actually, that is my ultimate fantasy. Share the details of my same sex tryst with my wife. When I do have this fantasy, it always starts at the "honey we did this" part. The guy is never in the picture.

I so want my wife to be part of my "bi". How do we get our spouses engaged in our bisexual lives?

 

I have had a similar experience, but obviously from the bi guy perspective. Like Bunny says though, it's not for everyone. And it helps if you approach it in the right way. My wife has known I'm bi for a long time, and she is supportive. For me, the fantasy she helps fulfill involves a strapon toy, and she *is* into it. Sorry if that's a little Rated R, LOL. It does make me happy, though. I don't desire anything outside of that, it works for us.

The other thing that I am hoping is going to be fulfilling is being more "out" and also participating in community LGBT events. I have signed up to help out at Pride Fest next weekend, that alone might go a long way to killing both of those birds with one stone.

It's not easy being bi, I definitely hear you there. Good luck, I wish you much happiness.(*hug*)

 

I totally relate to this...not sure I can offer any solutions though unfortunately. I feel like I'm more honest and open with the people I'm out to too, and also more interesting, possibly because I'm more relaxed and more 'myself' if that makes sense. I'm not filtering anything or watching what I say.

I also feel a lot of the time that it would be easier to be either straight or gay rather than something in between. Its not easy sometimes. I feel like a lot of people just don't get it and I used to feel like why should I have to educate them on what bisexual means...but maybe I should and then bisexuals will become more visible and more accepted.

I can't imagine never being with a woman again but I also don't want to split up my family and my marriage - and my marriage is going better just now - just trying to figure out the best way to incorporate my same sex desires into it.

 

A week from now, if my marriage survives the initial shock, I will be renegotiating those promises. I have no idea where it will go. My wife can be surprisingly open and very generous.

Bi2me. You have it bad. And, you have a great husband. I hope he compares notes with some of his buddies on the quality of your intimate times. Maybe he has and is afraid your sexual desires will be diverted away from him if you get girl laid. That would be my fear. But, the plus side is that it may not change those times with him. We are all different. I can't imagine I would be less intimate with my wife if I were getting man laid. This would require a serious level of confidence for him in your relationship.

Is it possible you could enter a mid-marriage renegotiation? You might have to have a lot of sex though lol.

---------- Post added 15th May 2016 at 04:52 AM ----------

This thread comes at a perfect time for me. I need to remind myself I need to move forward not leave things the way they are. I doesn't change for us does it? We will not suddenly say " oh well don't want that anymore".

 

I totally, totally feel this. Pretty much everything you've said here, I'm just nodding my head. From the risk aversion to the difficulty relating y issues to both gay and straight people, especially my friends.

My husband has ALSO been wonderful; stepping it up in the bedroom, and not rejecting me for my queerness, etc. frankly if he hadn't upped his game, our marriage would be over. I've just gotten to the point where desiring and being desired is something I need and won't negotiate on.

For me, I had to stop telling my friends about my situation. It just got too complicated, feeling like I had make progress toward divorce or "just forget about it". Neither solution is what I want, and I'm furious as fuck that they are essentially the only socially sanctioned options.

That being said, maybe consider putting in place some short term goals? I personally cannot wait 10 years or even five. I've set the short term goal of sleeping with a woman in the next two years, either an escort or a threesome with my husband's permission.

The thought of waiting until I'm old is too depressing.

 

OMG, I'm so thankful for this thread.

34 yo married female here, just recently identified as bi (last week), but have never been with a woman. Married for over 10 years to a man who isn't cool with it. The most he's going to "allow", is for me to watch girl-on-girl porn, once a month. He doesn't want to let me experiment. I feel so stuck in limbo.

I spent last year in love with a woman. My close female friendships have always been very intense, lacked boundaries, and looked more like a relationship w/o the physicality of it...however, I've only been attracted to three women in my life. Once I feel emotionally connected to a woman, I'm a goner. I'm head over heels and men just can't compare to that.

My husband isn't okay with this. He's very insecure and in the sex department, he's lacking. He's been lacking for a while. I keep asking him for more sex and he says he's "too afraid to give it to me because I might leave him anyways." I just don't know what to do. I feel so frustrated. I need the extra sex to ground me in my marriage, but he has ED problems and is feeling very resentful because of my attraction to this woman. Ugh.
He doesn't wanna let me sleep w/a woman to try it out or even kiss one. I feel like I am stuck in this torturous limbo.

I don't know if our marriage is going to survive this, as we had other issues to contend with.

With men, I want rough and quick sex. With this woman, with the women in general, I want soft, tender and passionate. I want to make erotic love to them. I do not become attracted to women the same way I do with a man. With a man, I can look at one and be attracted but it not mean a dang thing. With a woman, I can't. I have to get to know them, but if there is an emotional connection, it's intense and I can't control it despite what I do.

I feel as if I'm acting irrationally. I want to be with a woman who I care about and have a sexual experience, to confirm I'm bi and this will be something I enjoy...but I can't rush into it, because this isn't how it works for me. Then there is the fact that my husband has said if I do experiment w/a woman, he wants a divorce.

I'm utterly stuck.

I feel like this is never going to happen. I'm not even attracted to anyone else besides this one particular woman.

I read a craigslist ad written by the husband of a woman who had went clothes shopping and the sales woman grazed her nipple a few times during the course of their interaction. This woman, in her 30's, had never had a same-sex crush before, but once feeling a woman graze her in that area, she immediately went home and masturbated to the idea of it. The husband of the woman was now on a search for a girlfriend for his wife. He wasn't going to be involved, but he was going to watch and approve of the woman. I wish my husband was that awesome.

I'm so sexually frustrated. I thought that by admitting that I'm bisexual, that the urge would lighten up, but it hasn't.

 

Omg I'm so sorry for thread jacking!!!!!! My apologies.

 

Bi2me,

Are you attracted the same way to women that you are to a man? I'm just curious, because my attractions to men and women are far different. I can't just see a woman and think, "Wow, I'd want to bang her." I would actually have to get to know her, then once there is that spark of something else, I want them. Not the same with a man.

 

I am exactly in your boat, bi2me. Can't think of another guy; totally satisfied. Never really lusted after guys, although I had many crushes of a romantic nature. Constantly lusting after women though! It's maddening.

It HAS gotten a little better over time, meaning it's faded a bit as I ramped up sex with my hubby and found a few women to flirt with on Twitter (nothing serious, just harmless teasing). But it's still there.