Hey guys. We LGBs live in a heteronormative society and are brought up in one. Growing up, we learn that opposite sex pairs form a couple, boys chase after girls & vice versa. Opposite sex pairs are romanticized. So boys feel romantic towards girls and vice versa. Of course this has influenced me. Even though I discovered I like guys sexually and want to be romantic with them, sometimes I feel romantic towards girls. Why wouldn't I ? I learnt it from culture. Sometimes when straight guys talk about hot girls, I too get somewhat excited sometimes. Even though it's a cultural influence, my mind does react this way. It sometimes gets to the point that I wouldn't mind marrying a girl, but I know that can be problematic later on. Do you guys have the same thing going ? What do you think about all this ?
I'm in the exact same situation. I'm a bit of a romantic, so it's always been a secret desire of mine to be romantic to a girl, haha! Do everything without the sex. It just seems... incorrect doing it with a guy? I dunno.
No...can't say I have. I don't want to be romantic with a girl, kiss one romantically or marry one. All my crushes have been on guys... .p.
I want to understand your situation. I can see you're Kinsey 6, but haven't you ever felt such heterosexual thoughts at all ? I mean, it would be expected of the human mind to react to the predominant heterosexual culture, right ? Like everything else we learn in life, our mind would learn those things too, although it doesn't align with our orientation, right ?
Well, the most I could say is that I always thought I should have been attracted to women because I'm a guy. That's what kind of threw me off when I realised I was different than the other guys; I was gay. Just to add, when I was younger (sometimes still now, but not as much though), my mum would ask me jokingly "Do you think you'll ever get married?" Back then, marriage to me was just a man and a woman, I'd never really been exposed to homosexual couples. So, for whatever reason, the idea just didn't appeal to me. I know of course now why it did appeal back then, though. Now when I think of getting married or living with someone, I think of another guy, and my heart kind of melts (soppy, I know). Personally, I've never had any desire to be with woman though. men's abs r gr8
Forcing me to repetitively question whether I'm bi, Making me wonder if my feelings are legitimate, learning nothing useful in Health class, being laughed at for fantasizing about being a cute couple, Barely any relatable characters in films, etc...
LITERALLY SAME. I internally invalidate my own feelings, I think because I was taught - as many were, ever since I was old enough to understand love and couples, that heterosexual (and cisgender) was the norm and that anything outside of this was "other". So I'm always like "am I really bi?" because I was never taught what bisexuality was. I figured myself out alone, but it's definitely affected me as I sometimes feel that I don't really understand what bisexuality is, despite feeling an attraction towards men and women.
Yeah, same. Maybe I would consider having sex with a girl to see what it was like but there'd be no feelings involved. And of course I would have to be honest with them and they would have to be happy with that. Then again, that curiosity is probably down to the fact that my sex drive is quite high. No desire to be romantic to girls/women to be honest.
This. All of this. It's probably harder for guys, because we're not as sexualized as bisexual females are. But we all go through the same things, and it stinks. Bi hugs!(&&&)
*All of the bi hugs* Yeah, women are more sexualised, but I think that's another problem (other than the obvious one about sexualisation) in that bisexuality, for men as well as women, is often seen as nothing more than "experimenting". Personally, I absolutely hate it when two straight girls kiss for attention. If you're doing it to show support or some other reason then that's different, but girls who kiss each other just to give over-sexed straight guys something to look at piss me off. (Or straight guys who do it for girls but I've never actually heard of that happening). Like we don't have it hard enough without people like that pushing the idea that we only do it for attention.
Personally I LOVE bi women, I think it's sexy as hell. But not for the reasons straight guys do. It's because we have a core thing in common, that's what's sexy to me! I hate when women(or men) do that crap too. STOP. You hurt me and other people WHO ARE ACTUALLY BISEXUAL, by feeding into that "attention whore" stereotype. We have enough issues without that. Straight and gay people already have enough "reasons" to not accept us let's not give them one more!(Not saying monosexuals as a whole, but I shouldn't need to explain what goes on, not here.) *More bi hugs.*(&&&)
I too have thought this. It's somewhat due to sexualization of women that I am capable of being aroused by women, even though I'm primarily gay. I think other (gay) guys/girls share the same thing ?.. I think that's the reason one can easily tell if a woman is hot .
I don't know where you're getting this idea from that women are more sexualised than guys...I mean, I'd say it's equal the amount men and women are sexualised. Not that either are a bad thing, though. except I like it more when men are sexualised
I'm doing so right now, in fact I do so a lot even though I know that I'm probably gay. :bang: Sometimes I wonder if I'd just be better giving up on labels completely. It's not like anyone would date me. :lol: ... *cries internally* :tears: JK, but seriously though. :icon_sad:
Come oon.. You don't think women are more sexualised ? Look around and you will more likely see women (in posters or ads or real life) appearing sexual than the men. I can see why you think it's not a bad thing, but it can misguide some people's minds when exploring their true sexual orientation.
Please, women are sexualised to the extreme. Take a look at practically any car advert or magazine cover. For a better and more obvious example, look up any fantasy game, then compare the man's armour to the woman's. Why the hell would we have half of our chest out, for god's sake, it's completely impractical. I don't know, I think that too much sexualisaion can definitely be a bad thing, because people start seeing you as an object rather than a person. I don't want to turn this into a feminist rant, however, so - back to the original point. I agree, the oversexualisation of anyone can be annoying, because it teaches boys to find half-naked women draped across the hood of a car attractive, and teaches girls to find sweat-drenched men with ten million abs attractive, which honestly just ends up confusing everyone. Particularly as any expectations given are usually totally unrealistic. ---------- Post added 10th May 2016 at 04:29 PM ---------- Yeah, probably... It just puts a confusing spin on it, because heteronormativity just tells you what you should find attractive. Therefore, some people end up thinking that they SHOULD find things attractive that they maybe don't? ---------- Post added 10th May 2016 at 04:36 PM ---------- *So many bi hugs* Exactly! Bisexuals are sometimes excluded from the LGBTQ+ community because we are capable of being in straight relationships, however, these people do not seem to realise that being in a straight relationship doesn't make us straight. The other week, I had a gay guy on this very website trying to tell me that bisexuality was a social construct - if anything, the opposite is true - and likely not a legitimate sexuality, but yeah, we're soooo accepted. Ah well, people will be people. Some people are just factually incorrect, haha.
EmeraldEyes, Exactly ! The society/culture influences us to feel sexual to whatever it sexualises even though it's not necessarily sexual. Sexualisation of a hospital nurse will lead you to feel sexual when you see them, although you didn't necessarily feel it before their sexualisation. It makes me wonder whether straight guys fall more for the sexualisation than their real interest in women. I think that's partly true.
Precisely! And yeah, maybe, I'd have to ask a straight guy. I do think that it can explain why some people might feel attractions towards certain types of people but not want to date them. I'm not talking about aromantic people because that is of course a different thing, but yeah, hetetonormativity definitely dictates what we should and shouldn't find attractive in my opinion. Then again, I don't think that is something exclusive to heterosexuals, so I apologise for going somewhat off-topic!