Embracing your Bisexuality

I have a friend/coworker who is a very comfortable, out bi woman. Sometimes people assume she is straight bcause she's been dating a man for a couple of years. I think it helps her that her partner knows that she is bi and is super cool with it. Sometimes they wil play a game about guessing which ladies the other would be attracted to. She just doesn't filter or hide except with her clients (who are psychotic children, so, justified). Like, if people talk about scifi, she will talk about being in love with Seven of Nine when she was ten. She is comfortable talking about who she thinks is attractive, beautiful, etc. With close friends, she might mention that she wouldl totally f*** Rhiannon.

I guess, she doesn't flaunt it exactly, but she just doesn't filter it out, and she brings it up whenever she feels like it connects to the conversation, and she makes it clear that people can bring up similar things to her. Her style may be different from yours, and that's fine. But, she's one person who is doing the out bi thing pretty well.

When I came out to her, she was kind of excited. The rest of our office is gay guys and straight women, so she wanted to be able to occasionally show pictures of girls with good boobs to someone. Yeah. Our office is weird. But awesome.

 

I want to get to how you describe your friend Katchoo, she sounds cool! Think I'm about half way there... My (male) partner has always known I'm bi and often asks if I find a girl attractive, so that definetly helps. We have quite a lot of conversations about ladies we like (mostly celebrities etc rather than people irl, but sometimes irl too!).

I am out to some friends and not others so want to work on telling the ones that don't know so I can be more open about it. I also want to come out at work as it is very LGBT friendly. I have become a lot more vocal about supporting LGBT rights and gender equality, but most of my friends are feminists anyway so that's quite accepted as normal. But perhaps a good way to drop hints initially.

I think as I've become more accepting of my sexuality I so often almost say things without realising and i feel like I must be constantly hinting, I actually don't think anyone is going to be all that surprised.

Really want to push myself to tell more people now, think I have an idea of how I will say it and don't feel as nervous about it as I once did (must be a good sign, I think?!).

Your office sounds awesome, can't wait to look at good boobs with gay friends at work ;-)

 

Yeah. I can't tell how much my friend is kidding sometimes. She came out really early, so it was always kind of a fact. She sorta wants me to come out to the whole office so she can make me a cake that says, "I Love The Ladies." She's not pushy about it.... But she would really get me a Publix cake.

Maybe at a staff meeting.... "Hey, we brought this cake, but straight people can't eat it. *We shoves cake in our faces* Ok, I'm not straight, so I ate the cake. Y'all can have some cake too now. It's hard to not be gay. I can at least let yall have this cake that may or may not be decorated with a vagina made of icing." ... ... ... People would be happy for cake.

 

hahahaha...the cake sounds awesome! That wouldn't be too far fetched at my work either.

There should be like a 'coming out' cake for everyone

 

I sure wish there was a "Like" button for threads and posts like these!

My goal is similar, to be out officially. I'm building courage and preparing. I'm sure after the fact it won't be as scary, but it's a bit intimidating when thinking about some of the people in my life. I'm planning to start with my bandmates. Good bass players are hard to find, so hopefully they won't fire me, LOL. I don't think they'll care that much, although there are a couple of Republicans among them. Yeah, I know... Republican musicians, who knew? My hope is to be out by Bi Visibility Day. Hopefully....

 

I can see how it might be harder for a bisexual man...think maybe bisexual women are more accepted? (Although maybe just my perception/experience?).

Sounds like your sister and partner will be very accepting. I guess it's maybe hard to say it in a serious way when it's something you have always joked about.

You could become more involved in the LGBT community...go to meet ups maybe for specific interests or something like that? I think even though you are in a hetero marriage (same as me) it's still totally valid to do that. Maybe getting to know some bi/gay guy friends?

I guess what Katchoo mentioned is where I hope to get too as a way of expressing my bisexuality...not having to filter anything out and bringing up anything that's relevant to conversation...whether it's talking about a previous same sex relationship/hook up or simply saying 'she's hot'.

 

Nick, I've never met an out bisexual man, either. That is actually one of the reasons that I want to be out publicly, to take that step, to be known.

Dirtyshirt, that is a good point about bisexual men perhaps having a harder time, although I don't know for sure and I do know that it's not easy for bi women, either. I play a lot of club gigs and see a lot of same-sex flirting, dancing, etc., among women, but never men. I don't know what orientation any of the women are, they may most be straight and just having fun, but the PDA is well accepted and not uncommon. In other places, that may happen among the guys, too, but not here in central Illinois, FWIW. But again, that is just one example and may not directly correlate to any of their actual orientations.

I like the idea of getting more involved in the LGBT community. My wife and I are planning to go to the pride march next month, that should be a good experience, I hope.

 

Hi Adray. I have never met an 'out' bisexual man either but plenty out bisexual women (but perhaps just my experience). I think it definetly seems more acceptable for women to 'experiment'. Although interesting I recently found out one of our male politicians is out as bisexual. But there definetly seems a lack bisexual male role models/public figures, where as I can think of quite a few bisexual female celebrities.

You sound like you have found a way to express your bisexuality within a hetero marriage that really works for you, I hope I can get to that too. I too want to get more involved in the LGBT community too, definetly a long term goal.

 

To me, being outwardly bisexual means that I never couch my language so people are less likely to figure out that my partner is female. I use female pronouns to refer to her, and when people are talking about their spouses or other S.O.'s, I will freely inject comments about her. We go to work-related parties and retreats together. I have a photo of her on my desk at work.

To me, being outwardly bisexual means that when I hear someone refer to me as a lesbian, I ask them why they would think that. When they (inevitably) say they thought my partner was a woman, I tell them she is; but why would you assume we're lesbians? I point out that they really don't have enough information to draw that conclusion. If they are so crass as to ask, I will certainly tell them I am bisexual. But mostly, I prefer to put them through the thought exercise.

If I ever am with a guy, I would be equally direct about the sex of my partner, and the fact that people cannot draw a conclusion that I am straight.

For you, it could be much the same.

There are so many mono-sexual-normative statements in this society...learn to spot them, and being outwardly bisexual becomes no more than simply not playing the normative game that society wants us to play.

 

Great response biAnnika. When I was previously in a relationship with a woman everyone also just assumed we were lesbians. I even had one guy come up to me years later when I was with my boyfriend and say 'I thought you were a lesbian'. I like the idea of putting people through the thought process and challenging their assumptions.

I feel that I see mono-sexual-normative statements in society constantly so it really resonates with me that part of being outwardly bisexual is simply challenging them.

 

Oh I want to hang with you guys. Accept the sad kids kinda I think would make me sad... I'm totally like this in my relationship and we play that game. But I have a ton of conservative associations and it makes it hard to balance what to say to who. Especially because I'm clearly a 14 year old boy and talk about boobs more than is socially acceptable in like... Most situations. So comments like oh did you see that movie last night... They ask what movie and the only thing I can think is oh the one with the hot blond chick from ___ is not the answer everyone in my community likes from me. So I've learned to watch what I say. ... People are... Pretty... Hehe... But yea being bisexual in a Hetero relationship is a tough point in the lgbtq and so on community. Commen reactions are but you married a man so you got over it, you weren't ever 'gay' and so on. Reactions that are nice are yea... Some people are artistic, but they don't paint! Or yes but I really wanna scr3w __ so maybe just a little 'gay' still then? Should I marry another man.... Will that help?! Sigh... If you want community acceptance just be honest and open and don't let anything like this get to you too much. Some people are just complicated we all are I think...

 

I'm getting better and better about not hiding my opinions in public. One issue is that people don't ever name a mf marriage as straight, so I don't find a lot of openings to correct misconceptions. I did once have someone notice my rainbow bracelet and ask where my partner was. I introduced my husband. She kind of gave me a look.:lol:

 

I wear a bracelet! (I think I mentioned this in another thread.) I am very open with my husband and now my friends. At work I don't bring it up directly but I have flirted with a woman once (she made the first move, almost by accident and I yes homo 'd her back) and I will wear both a rainbow bracelet and my bu bracelet during pride week.

I also mentioned I had a crush on the women's soccer team at work.

I would be totally out at work except that my husband also works there and my colleagues are all 10 years my junior so I don't want to seem like creepy old lady. That being said, I won't hide it or deny it if the moment arises.

 

My sexual world oscillates between trying to 'prove' or 'disprove' I am exclusively hetero, trying to 'prove' or 'disprove' I am exclusively gay, and just admitting defeat and accepting that I have always been, and always will have, bisexual orientation, and can feel attracted to either sex or gender, and that there's nothing I can do about it, AND THAT'S OK. I wish it were easier to just stay with that last perception. (On really positive days, I actually feel it's the most natural thing to be able to feel that, that I would feel 'restricted' if I could only feel that way towards one gender or the other, and that not only is it 'ok' to be bi, but it is a privilege, a glorious state - how free to be able to feel that! - but most days, I feel conflicted about it.)