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Would you be offended if someone told you that they're not attracted to you...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Fullofsurprises, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. And the reason why?

    For instance, let's say you're a significantly older man with a girlfriend and you're hitting on a young single woman. Would you get mad at the single woman that turns you down and says, "no thanks. You're a lot older than me and you have a girlfriend. I prefer guys my age."

    Is that rude? The problem is that I have told people that I just want to be friends or that I'm not interested. I have also tried to ignore people. Some people still keep pushing it and trying. I'm just curious to see how people would feel if they were told the truth.
     
    #1 Fullofsurprises, Mar 21, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2016
  2. guitar

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    It's not rude to politely decline someone's advances. There's a rude way to do it ("you're ugly and a horrible person, leave me alone!") and a way that's more compassionate ("Sorry, I'm sure you're a great person, but I'm simply not interested. I have my eyes on someone else. Thank you for the interest and your compliment.")
     
  3. Linus

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    No, it's not rude at all. It would be far worse if they weren't up straight about it, because then they would be leading you on.
     
  4. BelleLey

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    I don't think it's rude if you say the right way.
     
  5. LHecW

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    As long as you're not rude about it it shouldn't be seen as rude - doesn't mean it won't be, and that the bloke won't get angry or offended anyway (maybe don't bring up the age gap - just saying no and/or that you're not interested should, in a perfect scenario, be more than adequate).

    Sometimes it doesn't matter how nice you are in saying no, the person will take offence anyway - as if there wasn't a possibility of you saying no :wink:
     
  6. Oh, I would definitely not say that one is ugly and horrible. That's so cruel!

    I have done the version of your last sentence. I have had some people say, "I don't care if you're dating someone. They don't have to know."

    ---------- Post added 21st Mar 2016 at 07:54 AM ----------

    Thank you, but the bloke in this situation then called me sexually repressed and asked if I was a virgin-when I turned down his advances.

    I do understand that some people are sensitive about age, but it's something that I have to clarify if multiple older men are making repetitive advances.
     
  7. Asterac22

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    If someone was to say it in the right manner i wouldn't have a problem with it, you're not going to fancy every single person you meet.
     
  8. Euler

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    Absolutely not. If you are asked a direct question it warrants and deserves a direct answer. You don't have to give reasons to the person unless they ask. That guy who called you sexually repressed and didn't take a no when you said it first time is being rude himself and I wouldn't judge you even if you gave him back an equally nasty comeback.
     
  9. Matto_Corvo

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    I wouldn't be offended if it were said politely. Every one has their preferences and while I might be someone's cup of tea I'm not to another.

    But if it were said in a rude or degrading way then I might not only be offended but hurt
     
  10. I wouldn't be offended if they weren't rude about it. Don't get me wrong, it would break my heart a little bit eitherway.
     
    #10 LonesomeSmile, Mar 21, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2016
  11. PatrickUK

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    It depends how it's said. Like so many things in life... it's not what you say, but how you say it.
     
  12. Jellal

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    Depending on the situation, it could be a huge relief.
     
  13. KarenLyn

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    I think we're all a little insecure in some way and any rejection is going to have an impact whether you're a walking Adonis or some cute mousy haired girl down the street. We all have different likes and dislikes... some girls that friends say are gorgeous I really don't find attractive and visa versa. Not sure if that answers anything
     
  14. justin88

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    I second this, well said Patrick!
     
  15. cakepiecookie

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    I someone keeps pushing you then they're the rude one. People who do that are relying on you being too polite to tell them the truth. It's obnoxious.

    I don't think it's rude to tell someone you're not attracted to them if they're the ones who keep pushing. I also don't think you owe anyone a reason for not being interested in them. As I've gotten older, I've tried to be better about saying "What part of 'I'm not interested' do you not understand?" as opposed to trying to make polite excuses to someone who clearly has no respect for normal boundaries.

    Edit: If someone told me that on my first attempt at hitting on them, I'd be a little bummed out but not offended. Attraction is subjective, and one person not being attracted to me doesn't mean that I'm butt ugly or anything, it just means that I'm not their type.
     
    #15 cakepiecookie, Mar 21, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2016
  16. Psaurus918

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    Yeah kinda but I take everything to heart. But I rather someone tell me rather than lead me on or lie
     
  17. Aerin

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    I mean I think we're all afraid of rejection, and it hurts when the person you like doesn't see you in the same way. But after the initial sting, you have to realize that you can't take it personally. People can't control their preferences, and just because they don't like you, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you at all. There are lots of people who will find you attractive.

    But as others have said, there's a nice way of letting someone down and a rude way. There's no need to personally insult someone.
     
  18. Cedar

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    As the others have said it, it really depends on what they say. If they put me down gently, I might just respect their opinion and move on, but if they were rude about it, I might just think they're an arse.
     
  19. Browncoat

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    No, never offended.


    Hurt or disappointed, maybe, if I had been crushing on them. Otherwise I don't give a rat's a**.
     
    #19 Browncoat, Mar 21, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2016
  20. Interesting replies. Thank you, everyone.

    I take rejection very personally-so that's why I was weary of rejecting others! The problem is that "being too nice" may give false hopes.