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Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Soulstone, Dec 30, 2015.

  1. Soulstone

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    It's me again. I am trying to figure out who I am and what I need to survive and be happy in this life. The only thing I know for sure now is I like women. But I also like men, in a different way, but I do. However if I have to compare, I guess I prefer my own gender. But I am not sure about this preference in the long run.. I am just wondering, if I consider myself bi shouldn't I like both genders equally? I am confused..And do bi people always secretly want to have the gender they are not currently with?
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Hello,

    Some people like them both equally, some are homo sided and some are hetero sided. But being more sided to one of them doesn't mean that the person has to want the other when they're not with them.
     
    #2 Secrets5, Dec 30, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2015
  3. Shadowsylke

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    No, bi does not necessarily mean that you like both genders exactly equally. You can like one more than the other and still "qualify" as bi. It also doesn't mean that you have to have both genders all the time. It just means that you are attracted to both and have the ability to be with either. It in no way means that you can't be monogamous, if that is something you want.

    It's not as cut and dried as gay on one side, straight on the other, and bi directly in the middle. There's a whole spectrum, and you can fall anywhere within it. There are terms like homoromantic bisexual, heteroromantic bisexual, homoflexible, heteroflexible, etc. There's also demisexual, asexual, pansexual...the list goes on and on.
     
  4. Chloe

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Absolutely not. Totally a myth. It's probably more common to have a preference, but I don't remember the studies. (I'm lumping all types of not-straight and not-gay together here, including classic "bisexual".)

    Definitely not "always", but perhaps sometimes. That's a bit less clear. Being monogamous and bi doesn't have to be any more rare or difficult than gay/straight and monogamous, but the thoughts and desires might still be lurking. There is more asking yourself a lot of "what ifs". It's a bit different from a straight person wondering if they made the right choice.

    Many bisexuals, including myself, think of it as a potential to love more than one gender. I've had a male partner for 15 years, after many years of thinking I'd be with women only. If he dies, it's likely I'll date women again, but I don't sit around wishing I had one.
     
    #4 Chloe, Dec 30, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2015
  5. CapColors

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    You absolutely don't have to like both equally. Look around on the Orientation forum; there are TONS of posts on this sort of thing.
     
  6. JackIsANerd

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Not at all! Everyone has a different level of preferences. I myself lean more to guys rather than girls most of the time. :grin:
     
  7. cakepiecookie

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Have you heard of the Kinsey Scale? It's a bit simplistic, but the overall idea is that sexuality exists on a spectrum - you can be completely gay or straight, or anywhere in-between.

    As for liking men, but less...I think it's kind of a complicated question, and one I've struggled with myself. Is it that you're attracted to men less frequently but just as intensely when you do? In that case, I'd say you're bisexual. Or are you just less attracted to men and can't picture yourself being with one longterm? In that case, you might be more or less gay, or "homoflexible".
     
  8. BimarriedMike

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    I find my tastes vary over time. Sometimes I prefer women more, sometimes men. Once I realized how fluid and fickle human sexuality, I don't feel any confusion about it anymore.
     
  9. YeahpIdk

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    I agree with what others, and a lot of what @Chloe said here.

    As someone who is identifying as bisexual/questioning lesbian, I'll say that for me, I know that I have the ability to be intimate and attracted to either gender. That's how I identify my bisexuality. I am, however, leaning more towards women. I find that I have a much stronger emotional connection with them as well as physical. With men, I find that my interests in them are more physical, which isn't as fulfilling -- doesn't mean I'll never find one I do connect on all levels with. So some would label me as bisexual/homoromantic.

    I also find that I am into more 'masculine' traits. If it helps, someone once said to me that I might just find masculinity attractive, despite gender. This blew my mind a little. I find that most of the time, I'm into the same characteristic in both genders: smart, funny, laid back, and pretty. I've always been into preppy, pretty boys -- I go extra nuts over preppy, androgynous femme girls. I think John Krasinski is adorable and sexy. I think Ruby Rose is adorabler and sexier.

    I'll second Chloe about the monogamy part. Bisexuality doesn't mean that you want BOTH genders, and perhaps at different times. It just means that you have the want and ability to have sex with either if you happen to be attracted to that particular person. If I was with a woman that I was attracted to and connected with, I wouldn't want to be with a man, or be craving a man. If I was with a male, and had all the aforementioned, I wouldn't be craving a female. I would just be with my person and happy about it. Monogamy depends on an individual, even emotional monogamy.

    Hope that all made sense, lol.
     
    #9 YeahpIdk, Dec 30, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2015
  10. biAnnika

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Major misconception about bisexuals.

    Most bisexuals seem to have a significant preference one way or another.
     
  11. Soulstone

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Thank you all for your answers! The problem is, at this point I don't know how to identify myself. All my life I was sure of my sexuality, I never questioned it until recently. I always dated men, married one, but then had an amazing expierience with a woman..and not just one..Now I don't know what to think anymore. I still love my husband, I notice other men, but it is more on emotional level. I fall in love with a man, I even feel sexual desire,but actual sex part is always..well, not entirely satisfying..unless the guy includes some "lesbian" techniques, I'm sure you know what I mean. Sexually I respond more to women, however emotionally I prefer men
    Confusing.
     
    #11 Soulstone, Dec 31, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2015
  12. bigeagle

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Hi soulstone....

    I just tried to send to you message but it wouldn't let me? In another post of yours, I noticed you used the term NOT STRAIGHT instead of bi? Since I came out to various people I have always used the term not straight - and feel annoyed when people presume I'm gay?! (although I might be, I don't identify with that so it doesn't sit well with me). I have attractions to both men and women so bi would make sense... but I also have other thoughts and feelings with complicate my situation further. Arrrrghhhhhhhh..... One day this muddle will untangle x
     
  13. DougTheBicycle

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Hello!

    Being bi absolutely does not have to mean that you are equally attracted to both/all genders. As many bisexual people will tell you, there's a cycle that comes in to play, which can really muss things up. Like, there are days when I can look at a GORGEOUS guy and go 'eh.' and others where it's all I can do not to drool openly.

    The cycle sucks. Hard. But, it is what it is.
     
  14. Soulstone

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    bigeagle

    I will check my profile settings..I am not very familiar with the site yet, perhaps as a newbie I can't receive private messages? Hopefully that is not the case :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2015 at 02:57 PM ----------

    DoughTheBicycle

    I guess once you realize you are not entirely straight or completely gay, it becomes a little bit tricky. Especially if one has lived in denial for as long as I did..At this point I find women far more attractive and I feel that I haven't explored this territory enough..However I am married and if I don't want to be unfaithful to my husband, there are not much options left..At first I tried to convince myself it's not cheating if another male is not involved, I called it experimenting, lol..until realized how stupid I am :slight_smile:
     
  15. Feelunique

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    I've had relationships with both and the person has been my attraction point. The sexual part wonderful either way. Honestly in a committed relationship if someone of the opposite sex is attractive then they are. No different than finding someone of the opposite sex in a heterosexual relationship cute.
     
  16. CapColors

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Well, you know that clitoral stimulation is the way most women orgasm, right? So sex with men is often unsatisfying if they aren't stimulating the clitoris. And for whatever reason, not all men know how to do this or care to do it during sex. "Lesbian" techniques should be staple in most hetero sex encounters, if what you're referring to is direct and concerted clitoral stimulation.
     
  17. eburian

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    I think of the term "bisexuality" a lot and how myself and others define it because I also still define my sexual orientation as just that even though I'm more drawn to women sexually and emotionally and what I can tell you is that from other bi women I briefly dated, I haven't met too many who are in the middle but rather prefer one gender over another. I think sexual orientation much of it is dependent on how the person wants to define it and how they know inside what fits them best :slight_smile: I think follow your heart and trust in your instincts and I'm sure you're going to find an amazing person woman or man :slight_smile:
     
  18. WanderingMind

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    The reality of being bi, I kept a secret from myself even, for a very long time. I like men, for sure. And, as I'm learning, I reallllllly like women, too. I don't have a CLUE how to quantify my attraction to each gender... 100% attracted to both, given the right circumstances. That doesn't easily fit on a likert scale.
     
  19. JessieLately

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    I'm a bisexual chick who loves women 80% & men 20%. I don't dislike men what so ever but I'm far more drawn to women emotionally,intimately & relationship wise.
     
  20. SHACH

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    Re: Another question - do bi people secretly( or openly) prefer one gender to another

    Yeah, I think its pretty normal to prefer one. The great thing about the bi label is that it's super flexible so i can been leaning either way at any time. But I'm leaning towards girls generally. I find both very sexually attractive but I just obsess over girls and I feel my attraction to them is less superficial. I am totally open to this changing though which is why I wouldn't call myself a "homoromantic bisexual" or something. I have had crushes on guys long ago and I expect they'll come again eventually.