In May/June this year I came out to my immediate family and closest friends as bi. It was a big step for me, because for my entire life I basically ignored the feelings I had for women and tried to convince myself I was straight. I've always had incredibly intense feelings for women - I'm attracted to them emotionally, romantically and sexually etc. In my teen years I had a few crushes on guys but I've only ever felt romantic attraction/admiration towards them. I've dated a few guys in the past, but nothing serious ever happened. Probably because deep down I knew I didn't like the guy enough. My dilemma is that I came out as bi and I was pretty convinced I was in fact bi. Everyone was very supportive around me which I'm so grateful for. Yet over the past few months, all I've felt anything for is women. I only look at women, I only think/fantasize about women etc. The crushes I get on women are so intense sometimes that I can barely deal with them. They consume me! I can recognise when a man is very handsome, and I might feel a bit intimidated by him, but that's about it. I know labels are just labels, but to me I feel more confident and at ease of I can identify with a label. I know I'm a lesbian. I guess I was too scared to say it or admit it to myself when I told everyone I was bi. How do I tell people I'm a lesbian? Will they take me seriously? Has anyone been in this position before?
I haven't been in your position before but since people know you are bi, it shouldn't come as a surprise that you like women. Can you not just go with your current attractions and if there comes a point where actually declaring you are lesbian vs bi, worry about it then? I'm not sure I can imagine when that might be but surely it only matters to you and whoever you become seriously intimate with?
Hi :3 My friend was in the exact position. At first they came out as lesbian, then bi, then pan. The good thing was because their parents were supportive, they didn't mind the change. Anyway, it doesn't really concern them because it ain't their relationship anyway. All the best :3
You could say "you know, maybe I'm not as interested in guys as I previously thought. I realized that being with a girl feels more right to me." Or just "yeah, I've realized that 'lesbian' feels like a more appropriate identity for me." I know that a lot of people come out as bisexual before gay so it's common. Since we are assumed "straight by default," when I realized I had a crush on a girl I was like "oh, so I must be bisexual" because I assumed I must still have to like guys. I didn't consider that I could in fact be pretty much gay.
You could just flat out say "I think I'm an lesbian." I don't think your sexual identity should be a set in stone. Because sexuality is a fluid thing, its sometimes confusing, so if you find a label that suits you better use it instead.
I did the same thing. It's a pretty easy correction if you don't think too much about it. It's best not to plan. I tend to just blurt things out if they're stressful and I'm worried about the reaction I might get. Just say something like "Hey, ya know that thing I said about being bi? Yeah, well, it turns out that I'm gay." Conversation over (hopefully).
For what it's worth, when I first came out as bisexual, there followed a period of time when I was pretty much only attracted to the same sex. I actually thought I was a lesbian for a time, but later on the attraction to both sexes came back. (And then I was only attracted to opposite sex and was convinced I was straight. Good times.) However, what you are describing doesn't sound like what I experienced. My period of exclusive same sex attraction lasted for a couple of weeks and then became normal. And even during that time, I never "knew" I was a lesbian, I thought I might be a lesbian, but then I could remember definite attraction to the guys in the past. I wouldn't be rash, but you will probably know what you are. My only advice is to be open to any changes and to be true to yourself. Good luck. (And don't feel bad about coming out again as a lesbian. You are what you are . )
I was in the same situation. I basically said "once I stopped fighting my interest in guys, came out as bi, and gave myself permission to think about guys, it's pretty much all I've wanted to do and at this point don't really have much interest in girls."
I did this to a few people when I was sort of inadvertently outed when I was still coming to terms with my sexuality. I just told them later on when I corrected my sexuality label with them that I was still confused and trying to figure out my attractions. Once you explain it like that, people are generally fine.
Hi! The situation you're in isn't uncommon at all! But if everyone was accepting about you being bi I'm sure it'll be the same when you come out for a second time as lesbian.
When you are ready you will know. It is all up to you and those who are around you will help. Love and peace
That's true. I hope so! Thank you so much ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2016 at 07:57 AM ---------- That's a good way of putting it! Thanks heaps ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2016 at 07:58 AM ---------- Thank you for your answer I think I might say something like that. I just need a bit more time, I think, to find the courage to say it. ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2016 at 08:00 AM ---------- Thank you for this Your answer was actually really interesting to read. Sounds like you've experienced a pretty similar thing. Yeah, I just haven't felt anything for a guy in such a long time, and even when I did have 'feelings' for guys in the past, they were never as strong as the feelings I've had for women. I guess I am a lesbian, lol. I don't know why it's so hard for me to admit that to myself and accept it. Thanks again