I am normally always unhappy, there isn't a single reason that I am, it's just a general disappointment with my life, my job, everything really. It's not something I do consciously, and I don't really know how to stop. I've just accepted that who I am is not a happy person. I can't explain why, I am fortunate to even have a job, I have a great family an I'm very close with them, and there's really not anything majorly bad going on right now. It's just my personality I guess. Usually although I was/am always unhappy there were things that I could enjoy and that made life bearable. Recently I have noticed I am not able to enjoy any of those things as much as I used to. Mainly my favorite pastime has been playing videogames for years now. Sometimes being able to come home and play videogames after work was the only thing I look forward to. I also used to enjoy watching youtube videos, using reddit, listening to music, and watching movies/shows at times. When I do an activity I used to enjoy, I become usually become very bored and I do not find it fun. Sometimes I may enjoy it for a few minutes, but generally I just do not derive any fun from it and so I move on to try another activity, which also isn't enjoyable. I don't know why this is happening, but is really bothering me. Not being able to enjoy the few things that made me happy is horrible, and I end up aimlessly browsing the internet wasting time reading/watching stupid pointless stuff. I guess this is something I don't think a lot of people could offer advice on, and I don't even really know what questions to ask for advice. If you have any comments or questions and you think you may be able to help, please feel free. I would also appreciate some support
I know how you feel. You're a vampire. You're existing, instead of living. Everything is empty, but you keep going on, due to some biological urge. There's a flicker of energy that animates you, moving you through the motions of a person. A spirit echoes the desire to get better, but you never quite feel that desire as a normal person would. You drift in a space of beautiful melancholy which stretches in all directions for aeons. A star or two twinkles... but rarely. ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2015 at 04:58 AM ---------- Talk to someone who can prescribe you anti-depressants. You have a brain chemical imbalance, EpicConfusion. Nobody can say anything to bring you back to the world of the living, only express that they understand where you are.
If you can seek help from a professional, you may want to consider it. Depression often comes in a general malcontent with life and loss of interest in things you used to enjoy. It may not just be part of your personality.
I agree with Aspen. What you're describing is pretty consistent with someone who is depressed, and is probably not simply a part of your personality.
Back when I was severely depressed, everything that I found enjoyable and interesting suddenly became boring, and lacked the element of fun that it was associated with. Took me a while to get out of that murky spot, but here I am happier than I was before. Would be wise to speak to a specialist about this, it's always good talking about it, and brining it up here is a great start.
This so much, I actually went through this last year myself. I got myself help and as cliché as it sounds, it did me wonders.
Thank you everyone for the replies, especially Smoony. I really enjoyed that poetic description, and it's very accurate. I am depressed, and I can't remember the last time I was ever actually happy for an extensive period of time. I usually chalk it up to the things I mentioned in OP; hating my job, feeling trapped in this town etc. I'm hoping that all those things will change in a few months because I am going away to school for one year, and after that I'm hoping I can leave here permanently as soon as is possible for me and get a really good paying job. Maybe those things going away will help, but maybe not. I've always been a very negative person. I tend to look at the glass as half empty. I don't really feel like this is something that medicine would help. I don't really want to just hop myself up on a bunch of weird pills that will mess with me. Those things always have a lot of side-effects and I don't want to unnecessarily take a bunch of chemicals and stuff if it turns out that it isn't anything like a mental imbalance or something of that nature.
When I was a teenager I told my mother the exact same thing. "If my depression is situational, I don't need meds, I need my life to change for the better." She said that might take too long and meds can still pull me through. They helped, but they weren't a magical cure. At all. I'm taking anti-depressants these days too, but crap in my life can still make me depressed. But how much worse would I be without a stabilizer? Dear goddess... I would be in the obituaries by now. You need all the help we can get, EpicConfusion.
I did talk to my family about it and mentioned I was thinking I may need medication, but they didn't really take it super seriously and just gave me the whole "You just need to make positive changes in your life, you just need to want to be happy, if you smile it's a proven fact that you'll feel better", etc.
Tell someone you're suicidal. Whether you are or not, persistently tell your family or counselor or whoever that you want to kill yourself until they cave and take you to a doctor who will prescribe you medication.
That seems a little overboard. If I said I was suicidal, all hell would break loose. I'd be under constant supervision 24/7.