This topic is inspired partially by my mother, who has an old friend of hers going through the last leg of their life. My mom's friend has cancer and is probably going to die in the next 2-3 days, and it is interesting how my mother is taking it. How do you handle/cope with death?
Surprisingly, I handle it well. Death happens to us all, no one is exempt. I manage to stay busy to help honor their memory more than anything else. When my dad passed away 5 years ago, I asked myself: "What would dad want me to do today?". I looked at the yard and noticed it needed landscaped and grass cut. The wake was going to be at our farm, so I stayed incredibly busy with the yard and housework bc my bro/sis/ma were a mess and doing their own thing.
I've never had someone close to me die. I've never known my grandparent very well, they love in India, and care for only a few people to be devastated over their deaths. Three of my grandparents are dead, and though it may sound awful, I remember complaining that I was bored at the first one (I was six) I don't know if I could handle people's death. My girlfriend is the one I'm most emotionally connected to. We know every deepest thing about each other. I'm the only one who has seen her crying...we just have a really strong bond. Thinking about this, really, makes me sick to my stomach. Moving on. My parents, I would be very upset as well. Though we have our disagreements, I've noticed can they've changed over the past two years and they treat me like a mature person, and I do love them. I would go through a lot of pain if they died... Sister and friends, I would be really upset too, probably cry for a few days but to a lesser extent than the above two mentioned,
The only one close to me that died was my grandma, but I was only 8. I remember being very sad at the day of her death but after that I quickly recovered. Then again I was only a child. So if someone close to me dies soon I don't really know how I'd handle it. I guess I would be sad that they're gone and even cry at the following days for missing them but I don't think I would have a breakdown.
I'm usually ok with handling death. I had my Pappy Doc or grandpa die this past December, and all I felt was this pit of emptiness, like I wasn't in my body, like I was experiencing things from someone else's point of view. We were fairly close, yet I didn't cry much at the funeral. At the funeral, at least, I had accepted already that he was dead and was in a better place. He'd been slowly getting worse over the past few months, and I cried the most when he was in the ICU barely alive, because I knew it would be my last time seeing him alive. It was devastating to see him in so much pain, and I was glad in a way when his heart failed. I guess this makes me a stronger person, as most people seem to not be able to accept a loved one's passing as easily.
Well, the last time I died, I stayed quite calm. I knew it was coming, and I figured there was no real point to freaking out. I did my best to let loved ones know (although most didn't believe me...I looked fine and it was the 1950's; nobody listened to women then). Anyway, I made the farewells I could, had some *exquisite* last meals and drinks...spent a small amount of time acknowledging regret that I'd never been with a woman and resolving to do it better next time around...then got caught in the crossfire at the race riot. The pain was minimal...and then was no longer relevant.
Very well, I usually get upset over HOW the person does vs the death as in, I was angry when I close friend killed himself, because he killed himself and left a horrible mess behind. My grandparents, unaffected, Ill friends, unaffected. Things die. Tho, I was absolutely devestated when my goat died and two of my closest dogs. It's been nearly 2 years since my last dog passed and I still can't look arty pictures of him.
I handle it well, I've lost many family members over the years and a friend last week in a helicopter crash. Of course I'm very saddened at first but I don't fall apart and keep on living. Death is part of life.
If I'm there to witness it, I find it a lot harder. If not I don't quite feel it right away, but then doing things that remind me/we used to do together/not seeing them make it sink in a while later.
I haven't had anyone close to me die before, except my grandfather, but I was really young. Hmm, I suppose the recent (or not so recent?) passing of LKY-a political figure in SG who well...made the country rise from nothingness-can be counted? It was a nation-wide sweep of grief. I didn't grieve, so to speak. As in, I felt no connection to the passing of LKY. I didn't really care about it, though I was expected to. Overall, I suppose, I'll cope with death pretty well. I'm kinda emotionally numb (or cold hearted, take your pick), so if I don't see a direction relation between the dying person and myself, I doubt I'll care much.
I've lost quite a few people to death. For the most part, it's always a relief, that they aren't suffering anymore and that they lived a life that, while not always "full", was satisfying and that they could be at peace with. For me, despite believing in Heaven, when someone dies, they are gone. So I might think about it as the end of memories, but I still have everything that they taught me and all the experiences with them and that's enough... Usually. I'm still dealing with my mom's death and I know I always will. That is one that will shadow every moment of my life and it's just something I'll have to live with. When she died, I did have the relief but there was also gouging pain, followed by a depression that my entire house lived in for years (I'd say it was about 3-4 years before we started getting 'back to normal').
I'm so sorry to hear your friend just died Justin88. I have lost friends and family, and it's very sad. It's so final. You realize you won't see them ever again on this earth. I miss them often. If it gets too painful to think of someone being gone, I switch my thoughts over to more pleasant topics or imagine meeting the person in heaven some day. It's important to let other people help us grieve. That's why it's good to have a funeral in my opinion. What really helped me is that I had good relationships with the deceased, so I had no guilt or regrets really. The deaths also helped remind me to be ready to go any day because you never know which day will be your last.
I was at countless funerals as a child, and saw a lot of family members and friends pass away, so I came to grips with death pretty quickly... I guess I'm a little cold, but death is just a beginning, so I'm sad, but I think there are only a couple of people that I would be truly distraught over...
I...have no idea. I didn't feel a thing about my own grandmother's death. Is that handling it well, or I am just a cold hearted person? Maybe because I have been dealing with images and thought of my own death so often as I struggle with depression for so long I have lost sensitivity toward death? Or am I just making excuse for my sociopathic tendency?
If it's someone I hated, I feel happy. Otherwise if the person is a loved one and their death is foreseeable, I try to distance myself emotionally from them as much as possible because I don't want to feel all those emotions. And if it's the sudden death of a loved one... Well than I'm fucked because I don't have time for the distancing process.
