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How did you know you were truly trans?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Eli Revol, Sep 22, 2015.

  1. Eli Revol

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    I'm talking about how you knew, in your heart and soul that you were a different person on the inside? What about your actual gender you identify as now made you happy in comparison to your birth gender? What emotions did you feel? How did you know this was a real thing?
     
  2. InfinityonHigh

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    Honestly the first time I went to a "Am I transgender?" quiz I immediately felt like someone read my mind. A lot of things in my early childhood come up when I think about it that hint to me being trans.
     
  3. GarbageKnight

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    I figured it out when someone said to me that cis people don't generally spend this much time agonizing over whether they're trans...
     
  4. InfinityonHigh

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    i agree, when i doubted myself, I told myself that a cis girl would not spend months mourning over how puberty "ruined my life".
     
  5. Null

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    Funny enough, I didn't consider myself transgender even though I was informed of non-binary identities and such, because I honestly thought I had some sort of weird fetish of liking to be seen as a guy and wishing I weren't a girl.
    Then, I started to read people's stories and I related to pretty much everything they went through. The rest is history.
     
  6. darkcomesoon

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    I have pretty significant top dysphoria, I want male secondary sex characteristics at least some of the time, and I can't stand people seeing me as female because it feels so incredibly wrong and inaccurate. I spend a lot of time doubting whether I'm nonbinary or if I'm just a trans guy, and then I spend a lot of time doubting whether I'm a trans guy or if I'm actually just nonbinary, but there is no doubt in my mind that I am not female. My body feels wrong, my birth name feels wrong, and she/her pronouns feel wrong. That's not how girls feel.
     
  7. I AM MEOW

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    This post actually had me looking through old photos, because when I was nine I had myself entirely convinced I was overweight because my thighs and hips started growing, even though I didn't start to gain weight until I was twelve, and when I was nine I was actually still pretty skinny. And when I was eleven or twelve and my mom was like "it's about time we get her a bra..." I was like "wait, these things aren't going to go away!?!?!??" If had a concept of gender and that transgender was even a thing (my family used to be super religious plus we were homeschooled) I would have been like "yup, I'm a boy." But instead I was stuck with the awful feeling of "these lumps on my chest aren't part of me, why the hell are they even here!?!?!??!!?" Plus I've always hated my birth name. My tenth birthday was my favorite because my mom finally stopped choosing my haircuts for me, so I got it all hacked off and wore a baseball cap. The baseball cap was actually a container used for a bunch of really girly toys, and everyone was surprised that I was more excited about the baseball cap.
     
    #7 I AM MEOW, Sep 22, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2015
  8. ThatBorussenGuy

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    A lot of things came together before I realized: wanting to be a boy when I was a kid, hating seeing myself in the mirror without a shirt (because boobs), hating my birth name and always feeling massively uncomfortable using it (it's not even in my legal signature), being (before I realized I was trans) mistaken for a boy and not minding at all, and basically realizing that I have never felt like a girl in my entire life.
     
  9. RavenTheRat

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    Voice dysphoria. I fucking HATED my voice, always. When I discovered musical theater last year, I was SO upset that all of the roles I loved were male. I wished and wished that my voice was deep like Anthony Warlow or Michael Ball. I fell in love with male victorian era clothing, like from the musicals Jekyll and Hyde and Dracula. I felt like those were the clothes I was meant to wear. I wanted to be able to call myself a gentleman like Sweeney Todd. I even said to myself "I wish I was a boy." I wish I was a boy.
     
  10. Accius

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    It didn't fully click that I was transgender until a little over a year and a half ago. A good long distance friend of mine noticed a lot of weird quirks and thoughts I had (hating my body shape, a great dislike for my chest/wanting it gone, the absolute joy i had in my face when he joked saying I looked like a boy over skype when I cut my hair short, so on and so on) that completely flew over my head having grown up in a small town with little to no exposure to the LGBTQ community. Looking back through my childhood though, it all makes so much sense I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner, though I suppose I couldn't have since I didn't know that being transgender was a thing.

    When it all first hit me that I was a trans male, I felt like I had been punched square in the chest, I was terrified but at the same time I had never felt so relieved and happy realizing that what I was feeling wasn't just me and that there were other people like me out there! c:
     
  11. Acm

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    I wasn't really 100% sure until I realized I just couldn't see myself as a girl anymore in any way, I can't imagine trying to live as a girl again. And the thought of staying with a female body forever is pretty awful.
     
  12. Hawk

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    When I first knew something was "off" was when I was 9-10, I was waiting for the bus with my brother, and these thoughts kept running through my head, "If I were a boy tomorrow, how would I go about telling people?" I didn't think much of it at that age, I guess I just thought most people thought that.
    It wasn't until a few years ago (19) it finally clicked. Though at first I did think maybe I was just gender-fluid, but that didn't fit as I don't exactly fluctuate between male and female.
     
    #12 Hawk, Sep 22, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2015
  13. RavenTheRat

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    Oh, well that makes me feel better xD I thought I was the only person who thought they were genderfluid first, haha.

    To be honest, I didn't really experience much dysphoria or "signs" that I was trans in like, elementary school, besides hating barbies and wanting to play with Star Wars toys instead xD Well, my hair was very short back then, and I hated the idea of growing it long, so maybe that's something.
    I guess the signs started in Sixth grade, maybe because I started thinking for myself instead of my mom dictating what I would and wouldn't like or wear.
    One thing that really hinted me at it in middle school was that when I wore tight fitting shirts, I hated it because you could see my breasts. I noticed that I liked loose shirts better because it made it look like my chest was flat. Also, I started to cut my hair shorter and shorter, and the shorter it got the more I loved it. I guess the only other thing that was a sign that happened before I started high school was my despising the idea of wearing makeup, dresses, and super "girly" shirts. I hated all of that with a FIRE.

    My actual suspitions that I was transgender only started last year, but I truthfully think that's because before last year, my close-minded upbringing had made it so that I didn't even know the LGBT community EXISTED before then.
    But anyway, I only started actually SAYING I wished I was a boy last year; I played with the idea I was trans, but I was too afraid of what that entailed, so I ran away.
     
    #13 RavenTheRat, Sep 23, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2015
  14. Zoe Izumi

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    For me, it kinda just, clicked. It was like my favorite scene from the anime Paranoia Agent, about 10:37 in this video <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fdB6vS8K-dU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    Before I figured out who I truly was, my world was like the fake world in that anime, a world where others saw me as a boy to protect my true self from the real world.
    But I'm happier now than I ever was when I was in that fake world.
     
  15. Daydreamer1

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    I've known since I was a kid. If wishing on birthday candles that I'd wake up as a boy wasn't enough, when I came across the term GRS/SRS for the first time when I was nine or ten, I knew what was something I wanted and I'd pursue it without a second thought if it was offered to me.
     
  16. ThroughTheMist

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    Holy carps. You basically just described my experience. Moments like this really drive home the fact that I'm not cis.
     
  17. Jellal

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    I didn't really, truly know, or at least wasn't fully cognizant, that I was transgender until about a year ago, when I was doing research and looked up the difference between gender and sex for myself. It helped to explain the jealousy I was having toward lots of girls (even ones I didn't know personally, just like in passing, on the subway, etc.) and constant body-swapping fantasies, wishing that I could wake up with my body a girl's body and have everyone, family and friends, accept me. Sometimes the fantasy I'd have would be like a quirk of fate of the universe altering my body, then me telling everyone as coolly and level-headed as I could that this "was no big deal" for me, and my family "might as well" use female pronouns and treat me like their daughter. I'd say that's a pretty solid indicator...
     
  18. RavenTheRat

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    I'm sorry but did you just say holy carps
    You are my new favorite person
     
  19. Ronin

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    Eh. I've just always known I'm a dude. I wanted to pee standing up (many uh failed attempts). I fantasized when I was a little kid about the doctors giving me a penis. I wanted muscles. I related to boys. Girls were a strange alien species. I liked typical male haircuts. When shopping I always found myself looking across the isle to the boys' section thinking, "I like that and that and that and that..." then looking at the girls and saying, "I don't like any of this". When I got older and tried "being a girl" I was constantly feeling like... the best way I can describe it is if someone were to wear tight underwear only out in public. And I was dressing modestly, too. Felt horrible *shudders*. Going through puberty freaked me right out and was somewhat traumatizing. I mourned and a piece of me died when I "found out" that transitioning "wasn't possible" (which ended up being false) when I was in my early teens. And so on. I never really saw myself as transgender until just a month or two before I signed up here on EC. Didn't really even know what it meant. Anyways, it was pretty cut and dry for me. Boring, classic narrative lol. My biggest regret is not trying to find out for sure if transition was possible that time I found out it "wasn't". Maybe if I learned more about it, I could have transitioned much sooner and younger. =/
     
  20. MetalRice

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    This for me as well; combined with some other things.