When people assume your sexuality

I feel like everyone thinks I'm gay but is afraid to say it... I'm sort of scared to seem to gay and prove them right. Cos I'm bi so I don't want to be pushed further into the wrong box. I know people at my old school thought I was a lesbian, I'm not sure about this school. That's slightly annoying. My mother switches between making fun of my gayness and telling me how my future husband won't like some of these things that make me seem really gay... I'm like... maybe I don't care because I'm not straight and I'm not concerned about not attracting men who can't deal with that... I'd be quite happy with girls or open cool guys. That's actually annoying.

 

Sometimes, if I'm repressing part of myself around a certain person, they get the wrong idea. For instance, I was going through a very-Lesbian phase when I volunteered at Pride with a straight friend, so she assumes I don't like men.

 

I am not a shy hetero. Leave me alone.

 

I find it annoying how (some) straight people get so offended and defensive when people assume that they are gay, yet they assume every person they meet is straight.

 

I don't understand that either. I never get offended if anyone assumes that I am LGBTQ or straight. It's not something to be offended over or get defensive at.

 

You know it's strange but like most people assume I'm straight (I don't think anyone has assumed that I was gay that didn't really know me) but 99% of the people I've come out to don't seem all that surprised that I was gay. So people assume I'm straight but aren't surprised that I'm gay. It's interesting to me.

 

Maybe they suspect you're gay but don't want to assume you're gay just in case you're not?

 

Anyone had this problem?
I have lived in a straight dominated world all my life before recently coming out after years of denying who I am.
Because I didn't really say much among my friends on nights out and stuff about relationships, they assumed I was shy. Shy but straight. My other friend who is straight used to mocked about his sexuality because he is a bit camp. I am quite reserved and straight acting.
I have recently had a rant at my friends about assuming sexuality based on personality and characteristics and guess what, no response.
So frustrating!!!!

 

I really hate when people try to assume my sexuality especially women because their assumptions are so totally ridiculous. I would think that if you were curious about my sexuality, it would not be assumed because I'm good dresser, I'm a very neat person and I practice and believe in good hygiene. These are behavioral habits that I was raised on and not to be associated with being a gay man. I even heard a couple of women talking but did not know I was in the conference room and they were saying the above mentioned statements that makes them think I could be gay. Although one lady did say that I don't talk or act gay...to her...its because I am too neat and to well presented.

Another story I would like to share is that I started attending this neighborhood church and the way I was raised is that you either wear a suit and tie to church or just a shirt, tie and nice pants. I always sat in the back row of the church and left right before the ending of the sermon. However, this one particular Sunday, one of the ushers approached me right before the service to inform me that the pastor would like for me to meet him in his office for a brief meeting. All during the sermon, my mind was wondering why this guy wanted to meet me? To my surprise, I was not only greeted by the pastor but three of male members of the church board who startled me by saying some of the church members were assuming that I was a gay man due to the fact that I wear really nice suits every Sunday and I have such a neat appearance. My blood was boiling and gave them each a piece of my mind and decided not to stop attending the church altogether. A week later, I received a home visit from the pastor apologizing for their behavior and comments and practically begging me to give the church congregation another chance. I told him that I would have to give some thought and just wanted to time to deal with this issue privately. A friend of mine persuaded me to go back after a month and she would join me. Needless to say that all the men had on suits and those that didn't had on blazers, shirt and ties and nice pants. They all made a point to greet me by coming to the back of the church. My friend mouth was wide open and she was totally speechless. An elderly member of the church who had always very nice to me since my first visit and contacted me later to tell me that I was the only guy who ever wore a suit in the church besides the pastor but she liked the example I set because she also raised the same as I was.

 

Sometimes it can be annoying when someone assumes I'm lesbian (which I am) normally becasue I'm practially the poster child for a lesbian. Short hair, play ice hockey, detest dresses, love fannel, etc... Yes I'm gay but stereotypes!!! In general I'm okay with it though. I also am not a fan of people assuming I'm straight. But in this heteronormative world it is what it is...until the gays take over.

I'm not a fan of when people assume my sexuality. Whether they are right or wrong. But I'm even less of a fan when I come out and someone is insistent on trying to convinve me I'm actually straight.

 

???

I'll never understand why taking care of your appearance and hygiene makes you gay. Do straight women WANT to date a bunch of disgusting slobs that can't maintain proper cleanliness and/or look nice? It's another reason why I'll never understand straight people.

Anyway, the assumption can be annoying that I'm straight but I understand it since straight is the norm. The only problem is it can put you in a difficult position of having to come out, and even if I come out, some people ignore it and push men on me anyway. I don't see why it's so hard to be gender neutral especially since the use of SO/partner is used by straight people anyway.

 

With all do respect, Don't you think you're maybe blowing things out of proportion a little bit? nobody is forcing you into social norms by assuming incorrectly. Left handed people aren't freaks of nature but everyone assumes right handed. It's really a nit picky thing to get THAT worked up over, I agree maybe it's worth a post on a website dedicated to LGBT people. But don't you 2 think maybe you're taking it to far? XD It's really truly hurting nobody, maybe every now and than makes someone uncomfortable but that's far from them creating a homophobic society. Honestly I'd rather live in a society where people "dared to make assumptions" than live in 1 where you first gotta find out what gender they are, than sexual orientation, than left/right handedness, than health, than native country, than if they like sports/dance/hobbies/etc and goodness there just comes a point where you simply gotta make estimations XD Or else life would be absolutely ridiculous full of asking the same questions again and again getting the same answer most all the time just for that 1 off chance

 

one time, I was checking out a dad and his son I think(I am a cashier) and he was talking about something saying don't you like guys with money? and in my head I'm like "Don't be freaking assuming I am straight because what if I am not? I just waved it off honestly.

That's the only thing that happened to me so far.

 

If people assume I'm anything other than bisexual, I get annoyed (so monosexualities or asexual). But I get almost angry when I tell or make very obvious inferences that I'm bisexual but assume I'm either straight or gay based on the gender of the other person who I'm mentioning. Also because it means they're not seeing me as non-binary when they do this. [So eventually I make a point of it if I mention I like Emma Watson, I mention I like Matthew Lewis as well.]

 

It does not bother me as much as when people find out I am gay their first question is always "Would you suck [insert persons name here]'s penis." Or "Are you top or bottom?". As if being gay makes my private life any less private.
Though I have found the best way I combat this is to give the people extremely graphic answers, apparently they do not like it when I describe my sex life to them even though they technically asked for it.

 

Thank you for responding to my thread...I can share this with you in regard to straight women feeling uncomfortable around guys who are well kept and with good hygiene. I remember this lady I used to work with and she told me that all the men she had dated including her husband did not keep themselves up the way I did and that is what she preferred because she was raised in a household where men who were unkempt and had bad odor were real men...haha...whatever...when she told me this...then it confirmed a lot about her because she did not believe in feminine products and when that time of the month came around for her...she walked around with such a foul odor.

 

It doesn't bother me what people assume; almost everyone I've met has assumed (at least to my face) that I'm straight. On the other hand, I would be annoyed if I were to say that I'm gay and they were to keep insisting that I'm straight, but that's a different sort of matter...