I thought I had everything all figured when I finally accepted my sexuality, I thought I knew who I was, but now I have no clue anymore, these confusing thoughts and feelings about my gender that are bouncing around in my head feel like they are driving me crazy, I don't know what I am, and I know that I just can't make these thoughts go away. I just wish it was easier to make sense of everything.
Well you cant figure this out on your own. The best thing for you to do is go to a therapist who specializes in identity issues near you and since you told your mom you can bring her with you.
I only told my mom about my bisexuality, she doesn't know about this, and wouldn't understand if I told her; and we can't afford therapy anyway.
Even if you can't afford a therapist sometimes it's good to talk to people. Figure things out, I actually wish I had at the time. I was actually about 17/18 living in Florida when I started dealing with my issues on the subject...go figure. Coincidences...yay
Sorry for bumping this, but I feel even more confused then ever before, I used to have periods of time where I was fine with being male for the most part, but these are becoming increasingly less and less common; and my dysphoria keeps getting less and less mild along the way. I hope I am not jedi mind tricking myself.
Okay, first of all, I need to warn you I'm hell of tired and its really hot in my room (bad combo for me....focus ruined) lol. So if I don't make sense that is why. I honestly cannot answer you. But you MAY be. It is possible to obsess over something and convince yourself/make it more hard on yourself than it is for you. Its also possible dysphoria may get worse over time. Either way it doesn't mean you are or aren't. [okay I feel like I'm not making any sense here but I'll leave this anyways.] But.....I cannot answer you. I had a complicated situation that made it hard to accept that I was transgender, but I have. I still have my moments. And I do get dysphoria, but its rare. I consider myself lucky for the rare part. Funny how we both used the jedi mind trick questions on ourselves. ---------- Post added 1st Aug 2015 at 12:51 AM ---------- This may be bad advice, but I guess, maybe try not thinking about it and if the feelings don't go away, then you may have a different gender identity. Give it a month or so? If other people think its bad advice, don't go with it.
I think the best thing you can give yourself is time. Don't jump immediately into any big decisions. Gender identity can be difficult to sort out so it's really important to sort of meditate on it. Try to sort of identify how you feel about yourself in certain situations and contexts. Are you typically happier/more relieved when acknowledged as the opposite gender? Or are you generally uncomfortable with your body (especially secondary sexual characters?) That can be a good place to start. If you can't afford a therapist, places like 7 cups of tea or even here can be good places if you need to talk things over with someone. A lot of gender therapists (who is the best person to help you address questioning concerns) may also accept sliding scale pay or even insurance depending on their office. Ask around and be your own advocate.
It took me half of my life to figure things out and many years I was very successfully bottling it up. Family, Children, Parents growing old and in need of support. So I took every opportunity to deny it and move on and I felt as you describe it. But the the bell rang and I was not able to suck it up any longer. I just wrote this a couple of days ago and I'm a lazy gal therefore I copy and paste: You are still so young, don't rush and take all the time you need to figure it out. I'm sure you will succeed! (*hug*) Maybe you can afford the therapist at least once or twice a month by doing side jobs in the evening or on the weekends.
It's already been about two months if not longer at this point, and the feelings haven't gone away, and have only gotten stronger; but I nonetheless do get what your saying. I'm not sure how much it helps right now, but I do get it, it's just really hard not to obsess over this I guess; it seems I just can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it is time that I need, through it feels like enough time has passed at this point to make my head spin; but maybe more time wouldn't hurt at all; it probably wouldn't at all (uhh, now I sound like I am rambling :lol As for specific situations and contexts, I have never had a chance to test how I feel about being called female pronouns, but I do know that I cringe heavily and feel sorrowful when I am referred to as a "he" or a man, like a feeling of feeling like it's wrong or something. I am also fairly uncomfortable with my body, especially my secondary sex characteristics; and this feeling of uncomfortable has only been getting stronger and more pervasive in all honesty. As for therapy/help. there's not much I can do on that front, I don't have money, a car or a job, and I can't tell my parents about this, so I really have no options there it seems. I can't take any side jobs or job jobs right now, but thanks for the suggestion anyway.
Well, I finally have been able to accept it, I am a trans woman, I know it, it's what I feel; even if it is going to take me time to adjust my worldview to this new reality.