Day 1 Here Day 2 Here Today was an interesting day. Quite stressful but also feel a little more relieved. Not sure why, but today it just hit me that I'm pretty much gay because I've never felt a sexual attraction to women like I do with men. Without inhibitions, I found myself attracted to the same type of guys, and left it at that. I didn't think "oh well it's obviously it's because of father issues". Didn't notice it before, but when it came to starting conversations, it was always easier with women. More difficult with men, but as I got to know them the uncomfortness/anxiety went down. I found that it was easier to make conversations with women and laugh with them than it was with men. There were times when I had no problem with being gay, and times when it drove my anxiety to the roof, and I started to have suicidal thoughts. Bouncing back and forth between the two was extremely distressing, but talking with my coworkers and guests took things off my mind for a bit. In retrospect, I think one of the main reasons why I didn't suspect I was gay was because I didn't really fit the stereotype, and since I grew up in a Christian household I never would have thought that I was gay. Not that my parents were against gays, it was never discussed. I feel like religion prevented me from exploring my sexuality. I never tried suppressing my attractions like many gay individuals did, but now that I think of it, my way for suppressing it was through porn. After I watched porn, any gays thoughts would be gone, which led to my excessive porn use. While I never actively denied it like "I can't be gay", I passively suppressed it or put it aside through porn use. And another reason why I didn't suspect I was gay was probably because I'm not a Kinsey 6. In addition I never rejected girls and I did find them attractive. Come to think of it, I'm probably gay. I found a sense of relief when I didn't hear myself argue or go back and forth between labels. I think I'll continue with this week long journey as a gay man and go from there.
I think it's great that your doing this. I think it will help you have a better understanding of your sexuality. I can relate because I never suppressed my attractions, nor did I find girls repulsive. I actually think women are quite beautiful.
I didn't try this exact experiment but in theory I did something similar. I've been straight, bi and gay, each for at least a few months. Although I didn't write down my thoughts, something always felt off about identifying as straight or bi. Like you, my mind was in constant debate over whether that was the correct label or not. However, when I began identifying as a lesbian, all my internal struggles disappeared. It seems like you're getting the same type of clarity which is great! I've kept up with most of your posts as most of your feelings resonated with mine, so I know all the trouble you have been through. I'm so glad to hear that this is working out for you
I am so pleased that you are sharing the results of your own Experiment with us! Sometimes, a label just fits, like a bespoke suit, other times, some adjustments need to be made. This is your opportunity to clarify exactly how the label "fits" for you. The important thing is that you develop your own understanding of what being gay means for you. Enjoy the journey...this Experiment could last somewhat longer than a week! :icon_wink
Good job Jax on self-realization... it's a busy, painful process at times. But the results are worth it in the end. Live authentic Should be the hashtag for pride. #LIVEAUTHENTIC whether you are straight, gay, or in between, everyone should be their authentic selves (so long as they aren't causing direct harm others.) Live and let live.
That's exactly it, I want to live authentically. I want to be happy with one person for the rest of my life. I guess another reason why I wanted to figure this out immediately was I wanted to be in a relationship.
It is advisable to be careful here. Your sexual orientation must be something innate and authentic on its own. It can be very easy to overlook doubts or disregard certain issues when wanting to be in a relationship overrides all other considerations. As for getting into a relationship, the same rule applies: do not suspend your judgment about the person you are considering as a potential partner. It is important to keep your eyes wide open and to carefully consider the pros and cons of the person you are hoping to have a relationship with (this includes their life situation, their family, friendships, job, etc.).