So basically I'm finally fully coming to terms with myself at age 25. I'm preparing to come out to everyone pretty soon (that's for another thread). I'm not out to anyone yet. Anyway, all of the sex I've had has been with guys I met online. Never actually been on a real date. I know that I'm a bottom 100%. I enjoy being the receptive partner and I know it, orally and anally. I don't even like a guy blowing me. I'm into very masculine guys who don't "fit the stereotype", and guys who aren't into being penetrated in any way at all. Is what I'm looking for a rarity in the gay world? I'm actually turned off by men who enjoy being penetrated, is that weird? The reason I ask is because most of the men who I've been with self-identify as "straight", and they're naturally more inclined to take the dominant role. Problem is, these types of guys aren't relationship material because they're living the straight life and probably always will. I'm worried that once I come out and start really dating and looking to settle down, that what I'm looking for won't exist or will be difficult to find. I have a lot more to talk about and will probably be starting more threads, this is my first one. Looking forward to hearing from you guys! ---------- Post added 17th Jan 2015 at 08:18 PM ---------- Another question I have is when dating, how is this established before you even go on a date with a guy? Say I did match or one of the other dating sites, I doubt there's a checkbox for position. Although for homosexuals, there really should be because it's not assumed like it is for straight couples. I have so much learning to do.
Is there a way I can add one? I'm kinda surprised this hasn't been addressed here before! I thought it would be a played out topic.
Oh believe me, most guys will just ask your role before meeting if it's not the very first question they ask, well I guess it depends on the "dating site", but it's definetely something that comes up sooner than later. And regarding your other question, yes, probably most gay guys are versatile, not 50/50 of course, but they can enjoy both ways, but there are also some gay guys who consider themselves exclusive tops (or bottoms), so you shouldn't have a problem finding one. Now that's not to say there won't be any incompatibilities but the only way to know is to try, talk, and hopefully finding something that works for both of you. Good luck.
There is an extreme difference between claiming to be straight while carrying out sexual relationships with members of the same sex and being in the closet. One is an example of someone who hasn't overcome a specific obstacle in their lives and the other is an example of someone who is refusing to even acknowledge it. I would seriously start seeing a potential partner referring themselves as straight or straight-acting as a glaring red flag. At the very least, understand that the interactions that you are going to have with them are most likely not going anywhere beyond sexual. There are plenty of men fitting your personal tastes who wouldn't have any trouble forming commitment and being open. I could add one; however, there was recently a poll on the topic.
I fully understand that the interactions were purely sexual, and up until this point that's been all I was looking for because I didn't want to get into a relationship with anyone while still in the closet. These guys have no problem identifying as straight because they say they're mostly attracted to women but don't mind "being drained" by another guy. Unfortunately, and I'm ashamed to say this, some of them are married or engaged to women. Right now, I'm hooking up with a detective from a police department in a neighboring town who has two children from a previous marriage and is now engaged. I'm not one to judge how one classifies themselves, but I know I won't be settling down with this type of guy. Edit: Also, the results of that thread are extremely discouraging for me. It shows me that what I'm searching for can only be found in 6% of gay men.
Yeah and it's annoying because I'm not attracted to a guy I know is vers. Most guys I've been with have been what I'm looking for, but living a straight life so not relationship material. I need a kinsey 3 top who would be willing to be gay all the way lol. I think I'm going to have a pretty difficult time.
Well, it is important to remember that being versatile simply means being open to the possibility of carrying out either action. It doesn't mean that they can't be satisfied with being with someone who wasn't interested in doing the same. I have known many versatile men who preferred to stay in a certain role depending on the characteristics of each specific partner. If the intention is to find a partner who is satisfied with maintaining that role, then I don't believe it would be that difficult to find a compatible partner. However, it is starting to sound as though this goes deeper than just finding a partner who prefers to top. You have mentioned that you are turned off by the simple fact that your partner finds penetrations pleasurable at all. How do you feel about reciprocation, in the sense of foreplay?
Hmm, well if online polls are any realistic indicator, it's versatile, followed by bottom, and last, top. The cynic in me wants to say most versatiles lean towards bottom, but I'll reserve judgment until I meet more.
There is something about the way this is worded that amuses me. It reads as though the negative in this situation is discovering that a versatile man is actually an undercover bottom. Then again, it is understandable. Heaven knows the bottom population triples with each passing day. :lol:
I want to be versatile. But uh... being bottom hurts me and I am afraid to try it again. Even though I want to try it again, In fact I desperately want to try it again. But all I feel is pain, not pleasure.
While I agree with everyone that most guys are probably (at least somewhat) versatile, there are definitely also guys out there who are exclusive tops. Or guys who'd bottom if their partner really wanted them to, but who don't really enjoy it and would much rather just top. (I guess in a way you can call those "versatile," but really ideally they're just tops). Example: me! Also, I think it's worth noting that the group that answered that poll isn't really representative of the entire population. Over the years, I've found that EC Members generally form a very specific group and are completely different than most other LGBT people I've encountered; on other forums, dating sites, as well as in real life. I'm pretty sure poll results would be very different when you take it on other forums or on the streets.
Interesting, different in which way? I'm new here so it's hard for me to tell. ---------- Post added 18th Jan 2015 at 08:52 AM ---------- I'm turned off by a partner who enjoys penetration because there have been times where I've been with a guy who I thought was exclusively a top, and then after a few encounters would slip in the "how would you feel about fucking me?" question and I would feel deceived and completely turned off. I want a man who is completely 100% satisfied being top only and knows that my role will never change and he doesn't want it to change. As for you second question, foreplay is fun. I like to be jerked off and rimmed, but I don't like to be blown.
I think finding an exclusive top or bottom is rarer than finding someone's whose versatile with a preference. And it can change too. My bf was almost exclusively a bottom until he met me, and now he tops about 3/4 of the time. I met my bf on an online dating site, and when you go on there you answer lots of questions about yourself, everything from sexual interests to hobbies to philosophy on life. And there was a question asking about preferred sexual role. So that's how you find out, at least on that site.
I think I'm versatile, though the guy last night claimed to be a top and then changed his mind when we were getting down to our... gay stuff lol Maybe it's because he was drunk haha
Speak for yourself. I'm most definitely gay but I'm not aroused by topping. Logically, I'm sure there are gay men who are not aroused by bottoming.