As the title says. I'm gay and I just don't know what's wrong with me. It's not some psychological issue, really. Many of you might tell me that it's just my psyche trying to sabotage me because I don't feel ready to be in a relationship or some other bulls*it like this, but trust me, this is not the case. In fact most of the time I can even predict if man is gay just by asking myself how much I could find him interesting: if the answer is "Oh my god I'm SO NOT into him" then he most probably is gay. It mostly is just a matter of facial shape and general appearence. It's not even a matter of femininity/manliness. Well, femininity doesn't help AT ALL most of the time. And this is seriously a thing. I can find attractive neither ANY gay man I know, nor any gay actor/youtuber/man on dating sites I could possibly look up on the net. well, maybe if I spent an afternoon scrolling through some dating site's profiles I might find a couple of men I like... But seriously, what's the percentage? Far, far less than 1% of all the men I might have looked at? I just don't know what to think... Does anyone else feel the same? Is there any solution?
I think, that many gay men like manly looking and straight looking men. But that is just the physical outline. Being a gay man is much more than just the looks. Go out and meet some folks, you'll get wiser. Or, perhaps you are just a closet hetero/bi-guy
I'm not going to say one way or the other. I will point out though that it is the very nature of what you are talking about that if it was the case you would not know. Otherwise it wouldn't work--that's sort of the issue with subconscious issues. Just sayin'...
Part of your problem is your definition of attractive, imo. Attractiveness and sexy factor are not only determined by appearance, but rather investment. Stop trying to find sexy people and just find people to hang out with. Stop worrying about who you do and don't find attractive. I kind of feel the same. I look at men and I don't technically find them anywhere near as attractive as females. However, some that I have spent some time with as friends, well... Point is, you might need some investment in a man before you can truly see how attracted you can be. Just a thought, based on my experience.
This. Also, did you ever think that there are probably a lot of gay men out there who you aren't even realizing are in fact gay? Just because one is gay does not mean that one acts, talks, dresses, etc., in a certain way. You might go to the mall one day and come home thinking, "I saw five gay guys there and I found none of them to be attractive". But in reality, you may have seen ten gay guys there, but just not have realized the other five were gay because they didn't fit into your preconceived notion of what a gay guy looks like or acts like. Plus, it goes without saying that just because somebody acts or looks a certain way does not mean that they're gay.
Good point, I think this could help. I should actually try looking at things in a different perspective. It's hard, though. Maybe my main problem is that I'm a little bit disconnected from reality. I don't know...
What was suggested to you here is indeed key. It has happened to most of us, so I assume it has happened to you: you meet someone whose looks are "meh", but once you get to know them, a strange thing happens: their appearance (to you) is transformed into a different person! Very weird really, but as I said, I'm almost certain this has happened to you in other contexts.
It is very interesting that from a vast reservoire of openly gay men that you know, only less than 1% of them are attractive. What percentage of openly straight or bisexual men do you find attractive?
I find a similarly small amount of people attractive. I can only think of one real person whom I have ever had a crush on. He was a gay man, so I guess that's not like you, but the point is I find very few people attractive. I wouldn't stress it. You're just more particular than most. Have you considered that you may be demisexual? You'll find somebody some day don't worry
A considerably higher percentage. Besides, even when I don't find non-gay men that much appealing, I often think they aren't all that bad. But with gay men... In most cases I just can't consider them physically attractive at all because I genuinely dislike their appearence (and, as I said before, femininity makes things even worse). It's not my case. I would never have sex with people I don't know thoroughly, but that's just my poor self-confidence. I hope so...
You're analogous to straight women who say that all cute guys are gay. Anyways, I wish you luck in obtaining the unobtainable.
What?! I'm just saying that IF a gay man (or any man) is feminine, that makes me even less intrested in him... I've simply stated what I feel and I can't avoid feeling it, so I don't think I deserve such an aggressive repliy. I've been struggling with isolation my entire life and that's mean of you to discourage me for no actual reason.