Hello, I feel very consistent with my desire to have breasts and the idea of being a woman in general. I haven't crossdressed yet but my friends on the teamspeak server switched to female pronouns. It feels great and they have noticed a dramatic change of behavior for the better. But I feel very conflicted for what I want downstairs. It tends to seesaw, I don't hate my penis and sometimes it feels proper but I want a vagina sometimes. I feel conflicted and the only consensus I have is that I hate my testicles. I have had no sexual encounters but I tend to lean towards women and I have not attempted to penetrate my self from behind yet mostly because I don't want the challenge of hiding a dildo from my parents. Has anyone else felt conflicted downstairs?
I get conflicted as well. I usually never think that I like it, just that it will save a lot of hassle if I don't get SRS. I mean to get it covered here I have to jump through loads of hoops, so it is either that or save up a load of money. Or I can just get by with what I have even if I don't like it. I wish I could snap my fingers and have it change :s
Still have no idea if I want to do SRS even though I am positive I want everything else... I'm a lot more indifferent now then I used to be.
It's still pretty early for me to define all aspects of myself I guess. It's only been about 5 months since I started to consider myself as transgendered and started asking questions I need to ask. Does HRT affect your desire on the matter? Cause right now as it stands I don't seem to like having erections most of the time and I definitely don't feel having so much junk down there as comfortable. Maybe my feelings toward keeping it is tied to me still having testosterone?
I feel similar about downstairs. If I could snap my fingers, or rub a magic lamp and get a wish, I would be a full blown woman. But since I can't do that, I have to think really hard about everything, and decided if I truly want to do it and deal with money and hassles. That's why I'm just a crossdresser, for now at least. I like my penis, I do... but I know anal sex can be a pain in the ass (no pun intended) to prep for, making sure you're squeaky clean and stuff. With a vagina, a guy wouldn't have to worry about poop lol. So on one hand it's like... penis? Other hand it's like... but vagina? Jerking off? or poop-free sex? Lol I definitely want boobs tho. Oh do I want boobs..... soo bad..............
To stave off my top dysphoria and hide it from my parents I stuff two shirts up to my chest and then go to sleep with that. Sometimes I do this immediately after work. I have not had the pleasure of wearing proper fake boobs.
What do you mean you stuff 2 shirts? Under another shirt? Like roll them up under the other shirt? I'm curious to try this tonight... cuz I'm going to be in about an hour.
Yeah, I have not other options without increasing my ninja skills in hiding certain items. Even if I could there have been times where my mother keeps accidentally opening my packages. Granted it is mostly her poor eyesight.
Oh, well I actually sleep shirtless because it's more comfortable, so I guess I could try to roll up a couple shirts but I don't know what will happen if I don't put another shirt on over them. Actually now that I think about it, using my imagination to feel the sensation of having those shirts rolled up while I'm sleeping... feels SO NICE omg....... thank you for this idea (*hug*)
You're welcome, when I first started doing this I accidentally fell asleep in my bed while I still had them. I meant to take them out. When I woke up with them still there I was so happy and relaxed. It was the best morning ever.
Actually I think it may have. I super super rarely get erections now, generally I only get one if I really force myself to. I think it has somehow helped because that was one of the bigger problems (no pun intended :s). I mean when I see it I still get bad feelings like I want it gone but it is a lot easier to ignore because it doesn't decide to randomly grow anymore. So I guess I am sort of the opposite, now that I am on hormones it isn't as bothersome because it is easier to ignore that it is there. Granted when I have a reason to think about it being there it still disturbs me. I think I will eventually end up getting SRS done. I used to be really eager to get breasts. I know what you guys are feeling, the first time I actually noticed growth it was great! By this point in time though I just feel crappy about it because I feel like they are too small. Now I am just having girl body image issues, which I suppose in a way is actually good? Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this thread, it has actually made me think really deep about some things that I thought were bad and turn them into good things to think about.
I'm sorry you're conflicted. If I could magically make myself a fully-functioning penis, that would be lovely; however, I'm sometimes glad I can't because I would be awfully embarrassed to get a boner. (It's bad enough with periods, but at least the public can't see them!) Wouldn't it be great if you could switch between them by the snap of the fingers? Odd thought, I know... But I would only want male genitals half the time; for their functions. The "feeling of it there" or the seeing it would be useless for me. Needless to say, the packers don't help my dysphoria. So I have conflicting emotions about the downstairs as well. You're not alone on that.