is it just me or i see it everywhere most gay men if not all have problems with their dads being abusive or stupid and mean maybe bad childhood memories from him or he is dead hell idk i have this friend and me and in shows and movies too like queer as folk brian and his dad and michael doesn't have a dad anyway whats the problem with the dad ?!! is it just a coincident ?? :dry:
coincidence. I get along with my father just fine, he never abused me and was completely accepting of both my sexuality and gender. it sounds neo-Freudian more than anything
ha.. haha... ha.. no >~< Probably a coincidence, but i just got the bad end. My "father" hates me and probably could care less I existed ;-; so.. theres that.
I will say that anecdotally I have heard of many gays having father issues. Personally, I get along just fine with my dad and he's never abused me or been a bad provider. The issues I have with my dad seem to stem from the fact that my personality might be too close to his and we might actually irritate each other from time to time. But, that's it. I was raised in a "traditional" home having both biological parents who never were abusive and I still came out gay :lol:.
Though I heard his homophobic comments as a child and they shaped my life in a way that made me want to hide who I am for most of my life (he just found out last month). I absolutely love my dad. My birth father gave up his paternal rights so my dad could adopt me when I was a baby. Other than the homophobic comments, if I were to look around and pick my own dad to have grown up with. It would have been nearly impossible to find a better man. When I told my mom I was gay and didn't know how to tell him she started saying something like"he's not as open minded as I am but he is a wonderful man". I stopped her there and told her that I know how wonderful he is and I had trouble wanting to tell him because I really didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes. My mom wound up telling him and I think right now it still hasn't settled in for him because he has avoided the subject. No, I haven't had any problem with my dad.
Haven't seen my dad in.. what.. 14/15 years? Well, he did try to get into contact with me last year via my mother, but I respectfully declined. I have no interest in seeing him.
I can actually understand this. I couldn't pick my birth father out of a line up if my life depended on it.
While I hate my dad who is an abusive, misogynistic asshole, he's not the reason I'm gay. It runs in my mother's family. When half her siblings were gay, 3 out of the 7 total children, that's evidence there's a gene involved.
Both of my parents could have been construed as abusive, but in different ways. I guess testosterone made dad meaner while mom was distant, selfish, and passive-aggressive. Dad had times when he was a lot of fun to be around and was very witty. He hit me way more than my mom did. Mom could never get out of denial mode because she needed to project a facade. Therapy has taught me these things. A few of my therapists had a hard time keeping down the fact they disliked her. I had an easier time, overall, with my dad, but I had a bad time, overall, with both of them. I was a tough kid to raise because I was too precocious, perhaps, asked way too many questions, and they had me when they were older and probably somewhat tired. I think there is a better time to parent kids and, with so many people doing it later today, I know there are many who would pick an argument with me over this belief. ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2014 at 06:53 PM ---------- I see some of those same patterns in the extended family. I've followed their eyes and heard some comments made which would raise some eyebrows and suspicion.
I don't think dysfunctional or non existent father/son relationships are unique to gay people. If that were the case, nearly every boy born during WW1 and WW2 would have ended up gay.
Another vote for coincidence. My dad and I get along great. We are very similar and enjoy the same hobbies. He was a fine father, not abusive. I'm still in the genetic camp... The idea that an abusive father will cause homosexuality is Freudian in nature, and I don't buy it.
My Dad and I get along great--he's a great guy. And actually if anything my coming out made us closer. I remember him saying there was always something about me that he couldn't understand, something he always felt like I was holding back. When I came out he was like--so this is it right? This is the thing? OK, I can live with that. He's a great guy!
No, my dad is fine and we get along. He is still getting used to the thought of a gay son a year later, but we're cool. He was never abusive, he's always there for me.
I'm now rereading the thread, AC, and this was definitely my deal with my dad: two strong-willed personalities that were very similar. ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2014 at 07:12 PM ---------- Right. That's a good point. I know so many guys raised by single moms who chase women like mad, and it's real and not contrived.
My dad has been great - most accepting of anyone in my family (of the three family members I've actually told).
My father goes from borderline abusive to being the world's perfect dad in a matter of weeks. Sometimes my relationship with him is great, other times we just don't talk because I don't want to deal with him. We have very similar personalities, and that means that we sometimes want to kill each other (even if we're in total agreement). It's not unique to gay men; have you seen how many straight men have issues with their fathers?
He's still having a bit of trouble coming to terms with the fact that I'm gay, but we still have a functional relationship. At times, we've had some fights (even physical ones), and have definitely butted heads. All in all though, we have a healthy relationship.