Sorry if this has been done before but I'm new here and couldn't find another thread! What are the best snappy responses to homophobic comments? I have just become a lot more self-assured but I am worried that I won't be quick enough to come up with a suitable (ideally witty) response. Any ideas?
Say "I know" and then start describing the features of something you are wearing / using. If you're going to bother responding at all, you may as well respond to something pleasant they SHOULD have said. "You're a puff!" "I know, it's even got a compass!" "What?" "You complimented me on my watch!" "No, I called you a puff" "Yes, it DOES tell you the date..."
One of the best things a friend of mine ever did was this- He, his boyfriend and I were standing at the corner waiting to cross the street. There were other people waiting too, a group of maybe 6 or so. Another group was waiting on the other side. My friend and his boyfriend had their arms around each other and were talking. As both groups crossed the street, a jerk from the other group shouted "Fags!" as he walked by. My friend, without hesitating, said, "Where?! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! You never see them in the wild! [boyfriend], take a picture, would you?" Everyone erupted into laughter. The jerk was embarrassed, turned bright red and walked as fast as he could away from us :lol:
This may not be a response to a virulent remark, but possibly to one that brings up debate. The best comeback for that is the one that was posted on a video here asking people on the street what they thought of GLBTs and why they are the way they are. That video was excellent. I wish someone would post it again. At any rate, the comeback there was "When did you choose to be straight?" They were all taken aback. *light bulb*
Don't just pin them though. In that case, lock in the Sharpshooter. Had to reply to this after I saw her continue it, heh. Before I saw your response, the Swanton Bomb instantly came to my mind, too. :eusa_clap
Remark: *comment on promiscuity of LGBT people/ how they want to get into all their friends' pants* Replies: *looking them in the eye* "I do have standards, you know" ; "Awwww, d'you want some of the action?" ; "yep. I'm so promiscuous, I've been in a monogamous relationship for (x) years". Remark: "I support gay people and all, but I'm sick of homosexuality being shoved down our throats" Reply: "Huh. That's funny, because I support straight people and all, but I'm sick of heterosexuality being shoved down our throats" Remark: *comment on homosexuality being prohibited by Bible" Reply: "Hmm. I suppose it is forbidden. But... oh, shit! Look at you! Torn jeans, mixed-fabric clothes, a long hairstyle, a tattoo or two, and... is that shellfish you're eating? Well well well... see ya in hell buddy!"
Just keep asking them questions like "why do you think that?" until they realize their beliefs aren't based in any logical train of thought. "The gays don't deserve to get married." "Really and why is that?" "Because it's morally wrong!" "What's morally wrong about it?" "It's unnatural!" "You mean like hairspray and your cell phone?" "that's different." "Why is it different?" "Because homosexuality is amoral" "and why is that?" "because the bible says..." "No it doesn't." "You don't know what Jesus says, he clearly doesn't like homosexuals" "And why is that? "because it's amoral!" After long enough stuck in this recursive loop, they will start to foam at the mouth and get really pissed off, as you calmly and peacefully refute everything they say. Then as they scream and shout at you, hopefully for the first time in their life they wonder to themselves if they are the crazy ones.
My usual response is to laugh and then with wide eyes say "oh wait, you're serious..." And try to look both confused and scared, it is patronising as hell and has annoyed any homophobe I have used it on. Mind you I only use it on people who I know either hate me anyway or can't have their mind changed, there's no point making anyone's view of the LGBT community worse. And if they are just a religious homophobe then it is worth asking if they really believe that the story of sodom and Gomorrah was really about anal sex and not about gang rape, that one has never lost me an argument.
"I can tolerate gay people as long as they don't talk about their sexuality around me." "I can tolerate straight people as long as they don't talk about their sexuality around me." "How do you know you're gay if you've never had a dick?" "How do you know you're straight if you've never had a dick?" I also once told my straight female friend who bragged to me about her first 'penis-vagina' sex experience that she was still a virgin because she hadn't slept with any women yet. Well, now you know how I feel!