Every time I try to meet a guy I'm interested in, they aren't interested back. Of course, I realize it's a natural part of life and I understand that but when it happens all the time, it can really bring you down. I do have that feeling it's because I'm more on the fem side of things. Not campy or flamboyant acting but you know, just more soft and shy and androgynous in personal style. While I don't talk with a lisp or wear bright colors, I love fashion (Goth & Punk), tight fitting clothes, and having a soft appearance. Though I also like to workout, play video games, do kickboxing, and love rock & metal music of all types. While the stereotypical fem guy loves Lady Gaga, I love Joan Jett lol I'm not bitchy or rude or gossipy. In fact, I'm rather shy and soft-spoken. My race could have something to do with it as well as I'm black but I don't dread on that. I mean, I can't change my race lol. I try to take care of myself with exercise/workout and that has helped my self esteem some. The only guys who seem interested in me are men I'm not interested/attracted to, married/attached men, or really old men (50+). I'm only 22... So I have tried talking to other fem guys but it just doesn't work. I like guys who are opposite of myself and I just can't see myself with another fem guy (Or rather, someone more feminine then myself). Sometimes, I feel like I should get a sex change or become a TS or something. A lot of guys seem to like and accept them. I mean, I like the way I am but it'd be so nice to be with someone who liked you for you and the feelings were mutual. The rare times I actually find a guy who might be interested in me turns out not to be because "I'm not fem enough" for him. So it's like I'm in a catch 22. I'm either too feminine for someone or not feminine enough... :icon_sad: The scary part is that I'm starting to consider going with married/attached men because half the time, they are my type but I know it would be wrong... I don't want to be the guys "dirty secret." This was more of vent than question, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just confused at this point...
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time finding someone. But you have to realize that there is someone special out there who will like you for you You just have to keep looking. Don't change yourself! Word of advice: stay away from already taken men. It's not a good idea. Btw, Joan Jett rules!
I have the same (but opposite) experience. I'm as butch/blokey as they come but I tend to find a lot of fem guys attractive. Opposites attract. Obviously it depends on personality and interests etc.. as well of course. So we're out there, and we're single, all hope is not lost Also, I know it's difficult, but try to stop looking at yourself as if you need to be fixed. Peace be with you and good luck!
Well, I keep telling myself that one day, I'm going to meet that one guy who will love me for me and vice-versa but I'm just not sure. And yeah, I most likely won't go with married or attached men, I'd feel too guilty... I remember one time I met this guy who was just my type and he seemed to not mind that I was more on the feminine side, in fact, he liked that. But when I met him and we were getting to know each other, he came out and said that he was married. I was in utter shock. He said that he just couldn't lie about it to me because "I was so nice." I never saw him after that meet. It was so awkward and it felt like a part of me died... Haha funny how things can be so strange like that huh? I'll try to remember what you said, thank you. ---------- Post added 29th May 2014 at 02:41 PM ---------- Thanks. I'll try to stay optimistic~
But still, sometimes I think that I should get a sex change because than, I could still be myself and guys would accept me more...
if you see yourself as a guy and were to transition to female you would be living a lie and probably feel horrible so please think about how to be happy without changing who you are for others
BloodFlame: You'd regret it. Really, the only reason to get a sex change is to handle dysphoria. If you're not trans, it's not a good idea. Many people have done it and regretted it. Now, on a side note, I'm certain there are many people out there that would be attracted to someone like you and also be compatible with you. Just gotta find them. I know I tend to be more attracted to androgynous people. (Somewhat androgynous myself)..
Never ever change yourself for someone... people come and go. You end up with all by yourself at the end. Too late for regrets, too weak to face them alone. Staying as you are and finding the one has one big advantage... you don't have to act, be someone else around them. Just be paitent. Good things come to those who wait.(*hug*)
*shrugs* I happen to like fems, and looking through your profile pictures, you seem to fit the bill. The only issue is that I'm note quite opposite, so that could throw a wrench in the equation. Otherwise, there are those who value your kind out there, you just need to know where to look. And it's never worth changing yourself just to feel accepted - self-acceptance should always come first. Likewise, another person can't make you suddenly comfortable with yourself, so work on that first.
Gah, i'm so pissed that I have to write this twice (I've been getting a glitch and the paragraph I wrote was completely erased). Anyway, I seem to be having (or have)the same situation like you. It's either that guys who are interested in me are usually the ones I'm not interested to or they're either married and with kids! but when I met my ex-boyfriend, that completely changed. Sure, he's not the type of person I'm looking for in terms of the physical attributes but my god it completely changes once you really fall for someone who you are truly in love with. I think what you need is to be patient and don't ever consider hooking up with someone who are married and most of all, do not ever change yourself for other people, you do it for YOU.
I think people who don't conform to gender norms are extra sexy. Trust me, people like me are out there, and we like guys like you. Don't get a sex change just to fit in.
I hear what you all are saying. it just gets hard at times. I've dealt with this kind of thing practically since I first entered the "gay world" at 18. Not being masculine enough or not being fem enough. It's just very disparaging at times when you really are being yourself. I understand that people have their preferences and I can & do respect that. but I swear, if I hear "If I wanted to date someone feminine, I'd date a girl", I'm going to lose it (joking but you know what I mean lol). I guess I take more issue at it when the people who don't like feminine men have to add insult to injury. A simple "I'm not interested" would suffice. Haha believe me, I'm being as patient as I can be. But I've never had a real relationship before and I'm just afraid that I'll never find a guy where there's mutual attraction. I sometimes see gay couples who seem to have found their ideal matches and are happy and while I'm happy for them, part of me is going "Will that ever happen to me?". I just hate that I attracted married men who are my absolute type. That's the worst thing that happens to me. "Married, but want something on the side. It doesn't matter because you're a guy and not a girl so it's not CHEATING". Bull -_-
Interesting. I'm masc who prefers masc, but don't mind fem. I'm having a hard time finding gays in general, especially while not being fully out.
When you're not fully out, indeed, it can be hard to find other gay guys. I'm openly gay because well, I can't hide it and I'm not going to pretend I'm not so I had no choice and it's better this way for me. All I can suggest is try going to gay oriented venues every now and then where I'm sure you'll meet guys.
I know the feeling that there doesn’t seem to be anyone alive who will love me and accept me for who I am. I’m very fem, but like you the only guys I seem to attract are married men Unlike you, I’m much older and was married for over ten years, so I a least have had the experience of being in a relationship. With that said, my relationship with my ex-wife ended because I was way too fem for her. She was more of the guy in terms of initiating sex and other things. Kinda of like having two girls in the same house. Not a good combination. Like you, I also like gay guys who are masculine and for me muscular. Unfortunately they are not interested in me. So what keeps me going forward? Two things really: first, I have widened my field of choices to men who may be much older than I would find optimal. I do however, require that they look younger than their age. The other is I’ve found that I have so much more in common with other fem guys that I should be open to dating them as well. Hopefully, some thing with work out. Based on your profile picture, I’m confident someone will fall in love with you as you are beautiful.
You seem like you're not sure of yourself, maybe it's because you feel that you're lacking or that there is something in you that needs to be fixed that's holding you back from finding Mr. Right. The more that you are confident of yourself the more that someone's likely going to notice and admire you. A sad person only has sadness to contribute to a relationship, find your true self; settle with it and be happy. :icon_bigg Always keep your head up, never settle for someone less, everybody deserves better ^ _ ^/
You know, I've been in your shoes before. I questioned myself the same thing and it's a vicious cycle and I decided to stop thinking about it and focus on something else. Being patient doesn't mean that you rely on waiting for the right person but you can also do this by giving attention to say, your hobbies, meeting with friends, improving your self, helping other people, meditating etc.
We live in a world that has an absolute truth.. Most of what people do, they do to make it work. Like a holywood movie. Maybe you came from a less adjusted environment. I know i did. My parents where alcoholics in a community that seemed really snooty to me. There is a spot between carrying on adjusting/maintaining it and frusteration. I went through this alot. You just have to stick to one or the other.. So they dont contradict. Blood, sweat and tear, you know, perserverance.. If you can stick to something which doesnt have many contradictions and perservere, youll usually do alright, although not easy. It can be really difficult. Dont let it be, thats what repels others, unfortunately. ---------- Post added 29th Jul 2014 at 05:13 AM ---------- Woops, i was editing my message but 15 minutes expired. For the past 15 years, my life has been a continual adjustment to the world in a manner very similar to a TS.. Im very femme.. Ive gone through this roller coaster alot.. Usually when im frusteratede, its not NEARLY as bad as it seems and fear too. Much turbulance is normal in this.. I was in a spot where i was unsure alot.. this is basically the cause of what repeled others and annoyed them. It made me look like a plebian. If you stick to your dreams, youll do alright. Dont let them collide with reality though.. Take things with a grain of salt.. Or else youll go psycho. But make sure your intent is clear.