I'm in the closet about some of my mental disorders/labels. Mainly because I was misdiagnosed with one disorder and I don't want to misrepresent myself. I only like telling people I have anxiety. If they need to know more I'll tell them that I have ADHD and OCD tendencies. I'm also in the closet about my spiritual beliefs. Some open minded people know about them, but I don't want people to think I'm delusional because of my beliefs. I also don't want my other opinions to lose credibility because of my spiritual beliefs. Especially in the nerd community. I feel like having any spiritual beliefs makes you lose nerd cred.
Well... I'm in the closet about my (negative) opinion of how some people think that they achieve "nerd status" by racking up "nerd cred" points as if certain activities/hobbies/traits are sanctioned as "nerd approved" by an international, ecumenical society of nerds. I'm in the closet regarding my spiritual beliefs. While I generally consider myself agnostic, I am drawn to the idea of the Abrahamic god (of Judaism/Christianity; Islam is a whole 'nother can of worms I will not open). While I don't currently pray, I always feel that if I do, I have to ask God for forgiveness for being gay and cannot, at present, reconcile my sexual orientation with God. I would love to one day maybe be spiritual and feel as if God accepts me and the person I love.
I'm in the closet about the whole 'furry' thing if that counts. I mean even though it isn't a sexuality ( despite what some people seem to think ) it carries around a lot of social stigma with it. Hell, I'm sure if I mentioned it my dad would go ahead and assume that his initial assumption of 'gay = into beastiality' was correct, so I tend to avoid talking about this. In all honesty I feel a lot more pressure to hide the furry thing than I do being bi. Well I'm actually openly bisexual and openly atheist, but I don't see myself being like "Hey, I'm a furry" anytime soon
I'm in the closet about my quite disturbing thoughts. I keep imagining myself dying, or wanting to be dead for no reason. I'm not suicidal, I just think about dying a lot. Also, images of strange creatures, blood and gore, and other such things pop into my head quite often. It is much better now however. When I was younger, I got out of cars in parking lots, and imagined strong winds blowing the doors shut and cutting me in half with graphic detail. Those thoughts always scared the bejesus out of me, but I don't get that type anymore. It may sound silly, but sometimes I wonder if it's not an outside source, like something is doing this to me.
I used to have thoughts of myself dying in various ways when I was much much younger. It didn't last very long ( I think only a few months ) at this point it's been so long I don't remember them all too well... In fact the only one I still remember clearly is the one where someone ran over my foot with a golf cart to make sure I couldn't run before they shot me point blank in the head =/
I don't tell any one about how I am mostly attracted to crossdressers. I dislike my job. And I want more friends but don't know how to make more been too anti social most of my life and I get lonely.
So many things. People whom I've known for years say that they really know little to nothing about me. There's my mental conditions which I'm open to letting people know about, if they wouldn't jump to conclusions about it. I hide all my thoughts, there's no way to speak them in words. Tried articulating one, but it didn't come out as expected. (That's my recent blog entry, if you were wondering.) Also, I conceal who I really am, inside and outside. I think my online profile is the closest I've ever got to revealing myself to anyone in the world. In the first place, I'm confused about my true identity - I appear to have multiple personalities. Those weren't intentional, and I'd love to have someone know, but I haven't got the opportunity to. Some things are best kept secret till the right time.
My depression/suicidal thoughts and the fact that I badly want to get pregnant even though the timing sucks
I wish I had the money to cosplay, though the reason I don't go to convictions is cause Ive got no friends that would go with me. sighs......
The fact that I'm a very angry person. I act all happy and smiles and rainbows, but inside everything makes me angry, I dislike most people/things, and I'm constantly on the edge of screaming at someone. Yeah, I think I need to see a doctor.
I'm very anxious sometimes. And sometimes I'm very insecure and shy underneath my mostly happy surface. The most people are so superficial that they can only see my smile. I feel helpless. And I hate, I really hate this feeling. Never want to feel it again!! I'm also imaginating terrible and bloody things of me and of others. It's better than a year ago I think. Sometimes I don't want to think bout it but it just pops in my head. Especially in evening when I lay in bed and just want to switch of my thoughts. It's not always bloody but mainly with some bad things. Don't know how to describe it. I've experienced some bad things the last years and I'm still not fully good with it. I think I need 10 more years to fully finish with these. I'm still afraid to be loved although I want a relationship.
God does love you. I hope one day that you do become connected to god, because being gay dosent mean he hates u
Oh yea... i had one who I'm going to pax with next year. He didn't bat an eye at my attire even though he had no idea I'm trans. My friend I'm out to knew that I was going in costume... I might drag him along next year. Wish someone here could go to PAX east with me.