So my therapist just cancelled for the 3rd week in a row. She only has 1 opening for next week and that is late Monday which I kind of just wanted to chill with the kids and do xmassy stuff. Anyways, she also kept saying she would look into social groups and ask around which she never did. She is very nice and was great at the beginning. I just don't want to start over with someone new and go through everything again. I am wondering if I should just stop giving all together.
A therapist who cancels twice in a row, other than for a dire emergency (death in the family, auto accident, medical catastrophe, etc) is, in my book, unreliable and not someone I'd want to be seeing. Three times? No question I'd be going elsewhere. One of the most basic roles of a therapist is to provide stability and a sense of trust in the client. If you're expecting to be able to go and talk about what's happening in your life and she blows you off 3 times in a row, no matter what the excuse, she isn't doing you a service. Here's another piece (as someone who's seen five therapists, three of them for an extended period): It's a common misconception that you have to start over. Sure, over time the therapist I saw for 5 years got to know me really well and understood a lot of nuance, but I was also really surprised how quickly I was able to jump into the work with another therapist and go right to the core issues I was feeling. It may take you a little time to build trust, but if you make a good connection with the new therapist, I think you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll jump into useful work and start working on the main issues that are important to you.
Hi there! Yep, it's time to see a new therapist. As Chip mentioned, a therapist should not cancel sessions three times in a row, and should be able to provide you with a sense of stability and help in creating trust. A therapist needs to be able to stay true to their word, and provide you with the tools they have promised you to provide you with. If your therapist said that she is going to help you to look into social groups and never did that, that would be another thing to consider. If she said she is going to look into it, it seems that she felt it to be important that you are part of a group. Having seen a couple of therapists, I had to explain or provide a brief overview of where I'm at or what I did thus far to improve the situation after switching, but I found that it helped to build trust with the new therapist, allowing me to continue working on things. I'd say, look into finding another therapist, and see how things go.
Thanks, One time she cancelled because her sons scout party got moved to that time because of a snowstorm on the original day. Now she cancels because she already had an appointment scheduled at that time and didn't realize it. A few weeks ago she cut a session short because she had a meeting to go to.
Wow, her son's scout party? Really?! Couldn't his father have taken him? Or a babysitter? Or another kid's mom? Whatever, lame reason. Appointment, can't really judge. If it was the hairdresser, lame. If it was a heart doctor, probably justified. She should be more careful in her scheduling, though. Meeting? Who's she meeting with, the Queen? Again, doesn't sound like a particularly good excuse, and she should plan better, anyway. Find someone else, I say.
Yep, I agree with the others it's definitely time for a new therapist. I've had to stop seeing therapists in the past for various reasons, and I've been seeing my current one for nearly two years. I've only been canceled on a few times, and two of those were weather related and everything in the region was shutting down early. Another was an unforeseen emergency. My advice is definitely to find a new therapist.
I see a therapist. It is very hard to find the right one from you, from experience. I've finally found one that I like, and am open with, and she is nice to me. My therapist's policy is that she only cancels if she is throwing-up sick, has a life-threatening family emergency, or is brought into court in regards to a client. Not all are like this. I'd say find a new one. Mine is amazing! I get weekly appointments, recurring... and we do goal setting. Find someone that is right for you.
I hope she didn't charge you full price for the session she cut short. She sounds unreliable, I'd look for a new therapist.
Lindsey, right now all our medical is paid 100% until 12/31 so it didnt cost me anything. i am going to give her 1 more chance, she agreed to see me on Sunday, so we will see how it goes. I do really like her and am comfortable with her.
In that case, maybe you could try to stick it out. I'm not saying that what she does is right, but if you feel it doesn't affect your therapeutic relationship and you are willing to put up with the bother, it might be easier than to look for a new one... You're the only one who can really decide this, though.
You said this a few times. How do you think she views you? I'm not try to play devil's advocate. Well, maybe I am. Sometimes, questions are hard. You are male and presumably dealing with issues surrounding sexuality and marriage. Is this her niche or a big part of her practice? Can she empathize with you? Do you feel pretty good and certain about that? There could be various things. She might feel stuck with you and your situation, while another therapist could push further. She might have problems of her own. Therapists do as well. Your rapport could have changed, unbeknownst to you. I take this type of service so much more seriously and cautiously than I do picking a doctor. I go to the doctor 3x a year for 15 minutes and sit in the lab so they can draw blood each time. If I'm not digging my doctor, I can get over it. Not so much with a person to whom I'm baring my soul. If this persists, get a new therapist. How did you find her? What has been the nature of the issues discussed? Have you seen subtle changes in her from when you began? I had a horrible 3 sessions with a therapist in grad school. Countertransference? Hello! She no longer does that type of work. I don't think she does anything. I had another horrible therapist, who was male, who I thought I liked and liked me. Countertransference? I can see now that there was when I construct the jigsaw puzzle. I just got used to going to see him and didn't know when to break it off. A move is what broke the bond. I am trying again, and have been seeing a therapist for about 2 months now. Before we get into an area that might set off countertransference, I politely query him on his personal situation to the extent that it's ok to do so to see if I would be rattling any cages and causing the therapist-client rapport to go south.
Here are some tough questions that might help crystallize this for you, gaymarried42: Do you feel like you deserve a therapist who is absolutely committed to your growth and well-being? Do you feel like your time is at least as valuable as that of your therapist, and that you deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and value as an individual? Do you feel like a therapist you are paying should be consistent, reliable, and there for you when you need him/her? And finally... if you feel like you deserve the above, do you feel like the therapist you have is meeting all of the needs above (and any others I haven't covered?) Those aren't meant as rhetorical questions. They're intended to really make you think. Most people go to therapy because something isn't working in their lives, and the majority of LGBT people seeking therapy have deep shame and self-esteem issues because society tells us, in a million little ways, that we don't belong, and we aren't as worthy of love and belonging and respect as our heterosexual cohorts. So it is possible that some part of you doesn't believe that you deserve a therapist that can absolutely, positively be there for you with consistency and reliability. If after thinking about the questions above, you believe that the therapist you have is truly meeting your needs and giving you what you deserve, then by all means give her another chance. And it's also possible that if you really think about the above, you may realize that you deserve (or want to get to a place where you can deserve) something better than what you currently have.
I found her on a psychology directory. I had a hard time finding someone who dealt with LGBT issues, took my insurance,and was close to where i live. Before we started, she said she had alot of experience with LGBT issues and being married. She also has experience with couples divorcing and child custody and family issues which is a plus. She has many gay clients and never seems to be put off or embarrased or anything like that. Her attitude towards me doesnt appear to have changed. I do always feel better at the end of each session. I am going to see her tomorrow, so we will see how it goes.
Extremely unprofessional, seek someone else. My therapist (who I never told about my true feelings but she knew... anyways) said only go to someone you feel comfortable with, I hope you trust me. Wish I went that next step. She was great.
Understood. Going through that filter is tough --- meeting area of expertise, geography, and insurance. I had to go through that. Also, as we move into the next year, will your insurance work the same for that therapist? For my therapist, it will. For my physician, a change might be required. Let us know how the next session goes and if she can keep appointments after that. I didn't want to come across as if prying. It's just that they have the purview to read us, but sometimes they don't want to be read or understood to see if it's a good pairing, or we see things much later.
My insurance isnt changing next year except my deductible starts over so i will have to pay on my own for a little while. As for my physician, that will definately be changing as i have outlined in another post.
So my session went really well today, she gave me good insight and suggestions for the specific issues i was having this week. She sincerely apologized for missing the appointments and said if i needed her before our next appointment next Monday that i can call her and she would make herself available.
Hi there! I'm glad to read that today's session went really well, and it sounds like you got something out of it. Thinking about your experience with the therapist in its totality, how do you feel about it now? While she did apologize, and has given you an opportunity to call her before your next appointment with her, I think it would still make sense to think about as to whether or not you deserve somebody who acts in a more professional manner.
Well, that's good, and it sounds like she is keeping her next appointment. It could have been a blip.