So, I realized I'm gay a while back (still in the process of accepting it though) That's all nice and dandy, but the thing is, I think my parents are onto me. they keep on giving little hints like when they're talking about a girl or something, they're like "unless you like boys". I never know what to say at those moments, I don't really want to come out to them yet... It's not that I'm afraid that they'll say or do something stupid, since they're very accepting of any sexual orientation, but because I'm still struggling with it myself. A friend of mine said that coming out to her parents helped her in the process of accepting it, which makes sense, but I feel too nervous to do it! Should I just go for it or wait a little and hope the process of accepting will make some progress on its own (possibly making coming out easier)? Aaron.
If I were in your shoes, then the next time that they say "unless you like boys", then I'll say "Okay, you know what I do like boys. There are you happy that I finally told you?" or something like that. but not rudely or anything.
I agree, since it sounds like they would be accepting and pretty much already know. It seems like they are just seeking confirmation and if they do make another comment again similar to that, I would just let it out. It definitely does help a tremendous amount to have the support of your parents and it really boosts your confidence and acceptance in yourself. I know I would have never been able to just sit down with mine and say that I'm gay, so when my mom presented the opportunity to me of asking if I was gay, I took it and admitted it since she initiated the conversation, something I couldn't do at the time. At the same time though, you yourself need to ready to admit it and be able to handle having other people(your parents) knowing about who you truly are. But believe me it's a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.
I think you should wait until you're ready. If they know, then so be it, but you need to be comfortable about them knowing it before you confirm any of their suspicions that they might have. Just one question, will your parents be accepting (or at least tolerant) if/when you come out to them? It could complicate things if they aren't keen on the idea, and I can't see it making anything easier. If they are, though, then you don't have much to worry about, right? I hope all goes well for you! (*hug*)
My parents have been acting exactly the same way. I just laugh it off until my mom asked if I was gay...
Thanks for the advice everyone, it's much appriciated! (*hug*) I'm sure they would be accepting, and I realise how lucky I am with that, but I'm just afraid that it'd create some awkward atmosphere you know? They say it in a joking kind of way, but I doubt they'd do that multiple times if they didn't have any suspicion right?
They say it in a joking kind of way, but I doubt they'd do that multiple times if they didn't have any suspicion right? [/QUOTE] I agree. If they're joking about it that many times, it means they probably have a feeling and are ready and ok with you telling them
my advice..though i'd probably be quiet like you. say to them. i know you want to talk to me about things but i don't want to talk to you about things. if/when i'm ready. i'll talk to you about it. or i won't. could you please just be my parents and talk about anything else? then i'd lay down the things they should be okay to talk to you about. :eusa_naug
I think you should go for it for two reasons. Since they will accept it and you're struggling, they can help you. That's what (decent) parents are for. Also your age. You'll be an adult soon and presumably moving off. If you were 14 i would say there's less urgency, but you want to be in the position to not be hiding it or afraid to be with guys when the opportunity comes. When you get to a new environment in the near future, you don't want to be suffocating in the closet, while everyone else is off having a good time. Coming out the first time is daunting but then it's done. No more anxiety.
K your story reminded me of my parents as I was reading. My dad said to me one day 'there will b a lot of single men there.............(about a 2 second pause) or women, whatever you are into, no judgement!' and at that moment I was not ready to come out to them yet, and I am still not! it was just not the right setting or time to come out to them. Time and setting matters so much! that's what I'm waiting for in order to reduce the awkwardness I guess. Anyways, good luck!
Never come out till your ready take you time. I have only just recently told my best friend and it worked out well luckly. I would advise you to tell them when your ready and only then. It always hard when it comes to family.
Oh, there's no question they know. By the time parents are making comments like "unless you like boys" and particularly when the do it multiple times... they definitely know. They're pulling furiously on the closet door. If you're ready, you can let go and let it swing wide open. All it would take is, next time they make a comment like that, to go "I do, but only cute boys" or something like that to take the edge off. And I agree with those who said it definitely helps, when you know they'll be supportive, to come out because it eliminates a wall that's constantly there, and energy that has to go toward keeping that wall up.
They already know you are gay; they are just trying to make it easy for you to tell them exactly what it feels like to you, and help you get used to accepting it for yourself. You are one of the lucky ones. Next time they give you the opportunity to say "yes", have planned out what you want to say to them and take them up on the opportunity to be honest with them and enjoy their support. Like Chip says, you can always say you like some of the boys, the cute ones who are nice to you.
Thank you all so much for replying, it really means a lot to me. Here's the plan (hope I won't chicken out) I'm just going to tell them if another one of those comments pass, even though my heart starts racing just thinking about it, it has to happen sometime
Go for it! We're here for you if you're feeling jittery before or want to talk about what happened after
That's what I keep saying to myself too, I haven't had the opportunity to tell the truth yet since what my dad said to me this summer (in my previous post) and yah, my heart races soooo fast every time I think about having to do this one day. I dont think I will b able to say anything else other than 'yes' so I keep thinking bout writing a letter to give them and just toss it on the table and run to my room after I say 'yes' to their question.
Well, I don't think it's going to get any less scary over time, so might as well do it when you get the chance (if you're ready) Best of luck you too Sammy, you can do it! If by chance it's happening soon, I'll tell you guys how it went.
Yah, ur probably right! Might as well get it over with as soon as possible. And yes let us know how it went with your parents when u tell them! hope it goes well!
If you're having a hard time putting it into words, write them a letter. They already know the answer to the question when they ask you. They just want you to be happy, and to be able to communicate with you. Think about how difficult it is for a parent to watch their baby grow up and know when something is bothering them, and not having the ability to help. Trust them with it and make the next step in your life. You'll be much happier with dialogue between you guys.