I haven't come out to my parents but they are giving me many subtle hints that they would not like it if I were gay or came out. My mom just told me today, "Don't live a useless life". That was all she said after my art club today. We were decorating the hallways for a school dance. On the topic of the future, she grew silent as my cousin and I were talking. I could tell she was mad/disappointed. After my shower, she was standing outside and tells me not to be useless. Aren't I already useless? I'm gay. I love the worst people and I have a hard time expressing feelings. I've lost them and I feel even weaker. I'm stupid. I'm hopeful and weird. I've made it awkward for everyone in my life. So, what's the meaning of my life right now? What is there in the future waiting for me so that I can prove to these people that I'm stronger? My mom doesn't know yet. I am not strong at all. I am weak because all I do is shed tears for problems I've caused for myself.
Here's a list of non-useless gay people: Alexander the Great, conqueror Hans Christian Andersen, writer Sandra Bernhard, actor Dirk Bogarde, actor Chastity Bono, daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher David Bowie, musician [bisexual] Susie Bright, sexpert John Brunner, science fiction author William S. Burroughs, writer Truman Capote, writer Marilyn Chambers, actor Traci Chapman, singer Mary Cheney, daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney Margaret Cho, comic [heteroflexible] Montgomery Clift, actor Kurt Cobain, singer [bisexual] James Coco, actor Colette, writer [bisexual] Hart Crane, poet [bisexual] Aleister Crowley, wicked wicked man James Dean, actor [bisexual] Ellen DeGeneres, actor Emily Dickinson, poet Divine, actor Matt Drudge, columnist John du Pont, heir and ornithologist, alleged homosexual Brian Epstein, managed The Beatles Sergei Esenin, poet [bisexual] Melissa Etheridge, singer Rupert Everett, actor Harvey Fierstein, actor Jodi Foster, actor David Geffen, Geffen Records [bisexual?] Boy George, singer Sir John Gielgud, actor Allen Ginsberg, poet Merv Griffin, television mogul Rob Halford, singer, Judas Priest Keith Haring, artist Nina Hartley, actor [bisexual] Todd Haynes, filmmaker Anne Heche, actor [bisexual] David Hockney, artist Elton John, musician Jasper Johns, artist Billie Jean King, tennis player k.d. lang, singer Charles Laughton, actor Ralph Lauren, fashion designer Ursula LeGuin, author Leonardo da Vinci, genius Liberace, pianist Greg Louganis, Olympic diver Paul Lynde, Hollywood Square Robert Mapplethorpe, photographer W. Somerset Maugham, writer [bisexual] Armistead Maupin, writer Sir Ian McKellen, actor Freddie Mercury, singer, Queen. George Michael, singer Michaelangelo, Renaissance man Harvey Milk, gay rights activist and martyr Morrissey, singer Martina Navratilova, tennis player Sir Isaac Newton, scientist and celibate homo Sinead O'Connor, singer Rosie O'Donnell, talk show host Joe Orton, playwright Camille Paglia, author Gilles de Rais, nobleman Charles Nelson Riley, actor Rimbaud, poet Cesar Romero, actor RuPaul, drag queen Sappho, poet Dick Sargent, second Darrin on Bewitched Dan Savage, advice columnist Matthew Shepard, martyr Siegfried and Roy, magicians Richard Simmons, fitness guru Socrates, philosopher [bisexual] Annie Sprinkle, sexpert Gertrude Stein, author Jeff Stryker, actor Pëtr Ilich Tchaikovsky, composer Scott Thompson, comic Billy Tipton, jazz musician, lifelong male impersonator Andrew Tobias, writer Alice B. Toklas, cookbook author Lily Tomlin, actor Pete Townshend, The Who [bisexual] Alan Turing, genius Gus Van Sant, filmmaker Versace, fashion designer Gore Vidal, writer Bruce Vilanch, joke writer Andy Warhol, artist [bisexual] John Waters, filmmaker Oscar Wilde, writer Tennessee Williams, playwright Any questions? P.S. you are stronger than you know! (*hug*)
Fire, you aren't useless. Your mom has committed a huge mistake. She has based everything on archaic beliefs. You are strong, my friend. You may see yourself as weak, but that is a lie. You know the old saying, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger"? Believe it. You will be ridiculously strong because you hold fast to being you. *hug* Serena
No, you haven't made it awkward for everyone in your life. Everyone in your life has made it awkward for you to be able to be the person that you are meant to be. Your sexuality or your gender identity to not come into the equation of what makes a person any more or less valuable. You don't need to prove to anyone that you are stronger, you just need to show your capacity for love, you just need to show people that you care for them no matter what. If your mum continues to tell you that you are useless or living a useless life, just smile and tell her that you love her. You are not useless, you have just started a discussion and got me for one engaged in a conversation. You will find a way to express your feeling when you understand what your feelings are. Just remember, it is not what people think of you, say about you or say to you that defines the person you are and your value....it only defines the person they are and exposes their insecurities. Shedding tears is not a weakness either, you just need to find the right should Peace.
Somehow she might already know you're gay otherwise she wouldn't be giving you subtle hints. Second of all you are not useless, if she thinks you are then there must be some unhappiness going on in her life. You be as happy as you can and live your life to the fullest that's the only thing that matters. Don't you dare believe that you're useless. One day someone will show you how much they love you and how useful you are.
That your mother would say such a thing to her son should tell you vastly more about how she feels about her own life than about yours. You are not useless. Utility is a function of circumstances. Drop the worlds best stockbroker/surgeon/engineer/lawyer naked in the middle of the Australian Outback and see how useful their particular knowledge and experience is. Conversely, put yourself into an environment where you can do what you're really good at (And hopefully really enjoy) and odds are good that some number of people will find it useful. Most important is that you take satisfaction in it and find it useful. Finally, as far as the meaning of your life - your life can have whatever meaning you choose for it to have. That choice is up to you. Todd
It can be hard for some people to understand. As you're not out it's possible that your mom thinks that you're still "Deciding" your sexuality, and that by talking up heterosexuality and talking down homosexuality she can convince you to "choose" to be straight.
lol i don't know if including "serial killer" on the list is what he's looking for. But no, everyone has value, any action no matter how small can be useful. I can't believe your mom is saying that. It's just heartless. Here is one thing you learn over time: To some, we are useless, because we don't reproduce or whatever. Well, *every* profession and type of person is deemed "useless" by someone. Janitors are useless, bankers are useless etc. Personally, i think bigots are useless but anyway... If you want to be useful, don't get so hung up on others' opinions that you in fact are unable to do anything and 2) find something that you personally find meaningful, because that's the only standard of success we can for sure live up to. Socially things will fall into place too. The real sign of strength is being yourself in the face of whatever hostilities small minded people throw in your path.
I knew there was one I didn't recognize! Oh well, even there, he was an overachiever :rolle: :icon_redf
What determines usefulness? Your paycheck? The number of people who "use" your "product"? The number of people who are positively influenced by what you do? The level of influence you have? Is a high-middle-manager at a large corporation "useful"? If you get a 50% raise, do you suddenly become 50% more useful? When a company lays off people, did it render those people worthless? Was the guy who created the pet rock useful? Did the guy who created "Angry Birds" create something useful? Are movie actors and directors and key grips and costume designers useful? Are songwriters and singers and background musicians and tape engineers useful? Did the guy who wrote "La Macarena" create something useful? What about the Beatles, or the people behind Glee? What about a music act that only sold 50,000 copies? Or 5000? Or 50? What if one of those fifty people found the work utterly life changing? Mull it over a bit. Lex