I have become aware that some of my Threads have been directed at either Men or Gay Men, so I thought I would venture into unknown territory & make a Thread for my Female & Lesbian friends to partake in I have overheard Straight People discussing Lesbian Couples before & I have heard the comment "that one is the Man in the relationship & the other one is the Woman"! Now to me that not only sounds like a Sexist comment, but also a bit Homophobic, after all both people in this relationship are clearly both Women & deserve the right to be acknowledged as such How do other people see this situation, is it an acceptable comment or a insulting comment!
I hate this idea. It equates dominance with masculinity and submissiveness with femininity, and it generally betrays and ignorance of gender and healthy, equal partnerships.
The same is said about gay male relationships. That one is the dominant/masculine one, and the other is the submissive/feminine one. I hate both stereotypes for gay and lesbian couples.
It's so stupid! You're right; they're both women and should be allowed to have a relationship without people giving them hetero labels.
Yeah I hate those comments too. That and "who wears the trousers?" As if by referring to clothing a person is somehow disguising the undertones of someone has to be dominant (therefore 'masculine') and the other submissive (feminine). Nobody ever seems to ask who's the woman in a relationship?!
It's gender-policing and plain sexism. It equates femininity to submissiveness, and also has tones of masculine entitlement to women. It's best to confront people who say this, because they often see their wrong-doing after a quick and polite correction.
haha I think it's just stupid This is relationship between two women, that's why it called lesbian cauple. Maybe there is one who is more feminine, but in the end of the day they both women.
I think that is kind of missing the point. Its perfectly acceptable for women to act like men if they feel like it. The problem is that a) its an attempt to push inequality onto a relationship, inequality that has in the past been the very definition of a heterosexual relationship, with the man basically 'owning' the woman, and in the present is something that gender equality should be ending, rather than encouraging, and b) its trying to define masculinity and femininity in terms of dominance.
I didn't mean that it's not acceptable for women to act like men. Even if she act like a man, she is still a woman. Just because she is acting like a man, it doesn't mean that she is a man.
I know you didn't mean that. But I still think some basic definitions of men and women are missing the point of the issue.
I had this too, after coming out to an online friend. She asked, "So who is the man and who is the woman in a relationship?" *facepalm* It's like, you trust someone enough to share something so private, only to be smacked down by an annoying and common question like that. You'd think society would have matured by 2013 than to follow outdated stereotypes. At the very least, gay men probably hear a lot less "How do you guys have sex, anyway?" You know, since sex has to obviously require penetration, and proper penetration is impossible without a penis. There's this idea that lesbian relationships must always have one butch and one femme, contrasted with gay men, where it's usually two of the same type, probably more common in real life, since people are cliquish. I'm assuming the same "rule" applies to women more or less; it certainly holds some truth in heterosexual dating.
That statement is totally stupid because it's a lesbian relationship, there's no 'the man of the relationship'. LOL Don't know why they don't get that.
Yeah, I hate that cliché as well. This is what, for example, annoys me about the TV show "The L Word" in which a rather "masculine" woman gets all the girls and basically is the "womanizer" of the show. I think it's hard for society to wrap its head around the idea of couples without "masculine influence" as the role of the man is nowadays still seen as the more important one.
Even if it were an acceptable comment... why is it anybody's business on their relational roles or who's "dominant" and who's "submissive" in the boudoir...? If I WERE ever in a relationship with a woman I would purposely throw people off because it's none of their business...
Urgh, I hate this comment. I do find it annoying, as it is such a stereotype. There is no "man" in a lesbian relationship, it's two women in love. I think gender roles in any relationship is kinda dumb. Two people should work together equally, and not have society pressure them to assume roles based on stereotypes and gender bias. When I was dating my ex, we would get this question all the time. I'm more on the femme side and so was my ex, so people would be confused and be all like "you're both kinda girly...how do you figure out how is the man then?" :/
I think it's an acceptable question coming from straight people because they're simply trying to understand a gay relationship in terms that are familiar to them (i.e. the "man/masculine" and "woman/feminine" partners in a relationship). This may be naïvety on my part, but I feel that most of the time, people who ask that question aren't trying to be rude and they're usually not ignorant. Sure, they may be ignorant in the sense that they don't know the dynamics of a homosexual relationship but they're not ignorant in the very deliberate, homophobic way that the religious fanatics are. I usually find it kind of cute when someone asks about the roles in my relationships with other girls. I always laugh and say "Well, *I'M* definitely the girl!" LOL which acts as a perfect segue into my explanation of femme vs. butch etc. I just use the questions as an opportunity to educate people.