Don't tell me you want to miss out the fun of that conversation!:lol: Seriously, it might be better to let your husband handle some subjects. It might be a lot more comfortable for everyone concerned.
Another thought of possible problem coming up... It may or may not be a problem, but it's something to consider... But your son could have trouble in PE, specifically in the locker room. There is a chance other boys will be uncomfortable, and even hostile. How much of a problem depends on the boys involved. Also it probably depends on whether or not group showers are involved. If group showers are involved, it could become quite a nightmare for everyone. In general, straight boys could be uncomfortable being nude in front of a gay boy. And a gay boy might despise the situation just as much, particularly if he's prone to problems with unwanted erections in the shower. If you are lucky, there won't be any problem. But it might be a good idea for your husband to tackle the topic of there are times and places where You Mind Your Own Business, Period. Also you might be in for a situation of having to fight for a PE waiver. (Then, again, fights will happen, no matter what. I can remember my mother storming in more than once to deal with some problem that cropped up because of brain-dead school policy or problem.)
One other point: Your son can join EC now. The COPPA act that restricts minimum age to 13 simply sets that restriction for activity without parental permission. (It's intended to protect children against unsavory behavior, and EC is probably one of the safest places on the net due to the rather extreme security measures we have in place.) If we have your permission for him to be here then he doesn't need to wait.
Chip, EC might consider adding this information where it talks about the minimum age of 13 to join the site. This issue probably might come up regularly.
First, let me just say that your son is very lucky to have a mother as awesome as you to be so loving and accepting of who he is, and once he turns 13 or if he can join now, like Chip said, you'll let him join EC. It is a very great community here and I'm sure you and him will both love it here, and find useful information. I think that many LGBT people know that they are different from most people at a very early age, so it isn't all that odd that he realiized it at 12 years old. I was 13 when I accepted I was gay, so there's not much of an age difference there for that. It is suprising that he came out so early, though, usually you go through all through 5 stages of acceptance rather slow, as it took me 3 years to come out to my school. Maybe he just went through the 5 steps very quick? If you're worried that he will be bullied, you could check to see if his school's bullying zero tolerance policy says that sexual orientation is or isn't listed. It could make a huge difference on the chance of him being bullied or not. But just remember that if he gets bullied that he shouldn't care what those other kids think. All he needs to worry about is how he feels about himself and love himself, and not care about what those kids think. Hope this helped, also, your son is very brave, as I'm not even out to my parents yet.
I'm pretty sure that its possible to know if you're gay at twelve. I did. Honestly, its no harder (except for the affects of internalized homophobia) to know that you're gay than it is to know that you're straight. It doesn't take extra maturity or experience to have an erection because of a boy instead of because of a girl. As for the other component of your concerns, it was his choice to make. His life. You may be concerned for his safety, or concerned that he didn't think it through properly, and that may be, but theres nothing you can do about it now. He gets to live his life openly, by his own choice. I'm curious as to why you believe that the fact that homosexuality isn't a choice is justification for accepting him. If he had chosen, would that make him evil? Not to say, of course, that you shouldn't accept him - obviously you should - but saying its okay because he didn't choose this suggests homosexuality is a lamentable imperfection that you can't do anything about, when it really is just another state of being, no better or worse than heterosexuality.
That's a Mom thing! As a Mom with a 12 year old son I agree! Kids grow up too fast. Its ok to be oldfashioned weither your kid is gay or strait. Awesome he has the self confidence to accept who he is at such a young age.
In trying to keep things in perspective, your son is actually not making life altering decisions that are set in stone. If at 16 your son decides that he is falling in love with a girl...well, no one will tell him he can't because he already declared himself gay years earlier. His true friends and family will be happy for him then, just as they are happy for him now. It's probably not very likely, but if he really isn't gay (or bi) he isn't ruining his future by going through this. It's a good thing that, no matter what he discovers about his sexuality, he'll be comfortable with who he is.
Oh trust me, he know's he's gay. He's only 12 though, so he is just starting puberty. Things are only gonna get more intense from there on. Watch out after him.
It just occurred to me... to be honest, if he's 12 years old and aware that he's gay, I'd be floored if he hasn't already figured out masturbation. It may seem young, but I just read an article that said many kids are seeing porn online as early as 7 or 8 :eek: and we've had threads discussing masturbation here were people have talked about masturbating as early as 9 or 10... so this most likely is a non-issue.
He's really lucky to have parents like you. One thing I'd be worried about is school, bullying can get out of hand. I'd try to keep open communication with him about what's going on there if at all possible.
Yes, there is a good chance he's figured out at least some basics of masturbation. I know I was well before 10 when I started masturbating, albeit in a very primitive form. The one thing I missed out on, however, was hearing that it was OK, and normal. Maybe things are better now...but, as a teenager, I was afraid of making God mad, and I got the strong feeling in school that only losers masturbate. I'd like to see teenagers of today spared that...
I thought I read somewhere that there have been boys caught masturbating (if you can call it that at this stage in their lives) on their ultrasounds...
I know I've heard of very young boys being caught playing with their penis. I wouldn't be surprised if they don't do it before being born. Hey, it's boring sitting there in the womb. You might as well jerk off to pass time! (And now every woman pregnant with a boy who ever reads this in the archives will probably cringe...) I can't say for certain how early I got started. In primitive form, certainly early elementary school...and quite possibly long before that. I remember admitting early masturbation to a counselor I saw ca. 2000. Although I used a label like "playing with myself." He disagreed with how I put it, saying it was masturbation. I said I supposed so, although in my mind it was somewhat different before and after puberty.
Well my knee jerk reaction, is how the hell can he know at 12. After thinking for moment. 12 was a long time ago me. So I have to think a little more. I knew at 12, but didn't understand it. I remember asking a friend if wanting to give a huy a blow job means I'm gay. (Turns out it did). So yeah that makes since that he knows. What I just can not fathom is how the world has changed in the past 20 years. I was 12 when don't ask don't tell was put in place. I remember all of the debate around it. Hell gay was still illegal in Texas back then. Back then no way in hell you could come out at 12. I can't imagine a world where you could be out at that age. It is amazing really. By the way I hope you have coming out insurance. [YOUTUBE]ea73wwAs5o8[/YOUTUBE]
It is amazing how things have changed. When I was in high school, as far as I know, all the gays were in the closet. Not just the closet, but they had the door nailed shut, and a moat in front of the door with an alligator swimming back and forth. Today, I that same school has a GSA. And I believe that I heard that an openly LGBT boy rose pretty high in recent years in the student government.
While this is quite off-topic, I thought I'd point out that "the talk" isn't necessarily that needed. Chances are quite high that your son already masturbates (considering the fact that if he feels that he can come out at his age, he's probably undergoing puberty already), and you don't really need to teach someone how to masturbate - it's pretty self-explanatory. About him coming out, like everyone else has said, support him and understand that while it may just be a phase, it very likely is not. Don't tell him that it could be a phase, though - that could piss him off. ---------- Post added 19th May 2013 at 09:47 AM ---------- I feel like not many people would be so taxed by the fact that they're (to be blunt) jerking off at a young age nowadays. With the internet, everything's so brutally open that I would bet he's realized that masturbation is quite common by now. On top of that, media talks about all this stuff nowadays, even if sex-ed refuses to mention "spilling one's seed". Every Sperm is Sacred (Monty Python) seems like a good example.
You are a wonderful mother to care so much for your son . To start with let him know you will always be there for him no matter what, he is going to likely need that strength. Make sure to talk to the rest of the family, not necessarily grandparents and aunts but at least his father, siblings, etc to make sure they support him as well. Next make sure to talk with his school to make sure he will get support from his school and the school administration. The teachers, principal, etc are likely going to be needed to prevent the bullying. Obviously it's not like they can be with him at all times but see to it that they keep an eye out for him. As for if he can know at 12, yes. Although I didn't until I was 16, my ex-boyfriend said he knew when he was 5. But like I said, you are a WONDERFUL mother and your son is so lucky to have you
