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Question for folks outside the US: Bars

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by AKTodd, Mar 31, 2013.

  1. AKTodd

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    So, over the course of some other threads, it's become apparent that the bar experience outside the US (or at least in the UK) is rather different from that in the US.

    Specifically, a lot of bars outside the US apparently don't differentiate between gay and straight patrons and it is considered normal (or at least not worthy of undue attention) for a mix of gay and straight patrons to be in a bar, for gay people to engage in PDA in the bar, and for some amount of attempting to get with someone to take place.

    The question that comes to mind then:

    How do you tell if the person you're interested in pitches for the same team as you? Has some sort of mechanism evolved to signal who is into who (clothing color, jewelry, style of dress, whatever) before any introductions are made or is it more of a matter of just hoping for the best and its expected that mistakes will be made and everyone should just politely move on after it's determined that that has happened?

    Just wondering.

    Todd
     
  2. tommytwoways

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    in the uk

    there are specific gay bars (and a whole gay street, in fact, in manchester for homosexual shops and bars, etc.) but in normal bars: there is no determining the sexuality of someone you meet so youve just got to find out one way or another but you usually cant really just by looking :frowning2: I'd probably throw in a few questions about it during the conversion or something like that!
     
  3. Harve

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    Do you mean clubs or bars? Most pulling goes on in clubs.

    If you're in a gay club (and sometimes it's kinda difficult to tell if you are), then it's acceptable to hit on someone of the same sex, and straight people in there just deal with that. A friend of mine has pulled another guy in a non-gay club but I have no idea how he went about that unless they knew each other beforehand.

    And ha! There's no secret code!

    P.s. I've got a question for North Americans: apparently it's really weird, in Canada specifically, for two guys to drink out of the same cup or same straw (but not for a guy and a girl or two girls)? I think the latter is vaguely questionable the further south in the UK you are, and being in the northern half it's not exactly something that ever crosses my mind. So, is that true?
    On the other hand, in gay clubs, it's meant to be normal for guys to use the ladies' bathrooms, which seems like a huge no-no. I guess it's not so bad if 90% of the guys in there are gay, but still...
     
  4. AKTodd

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    I didn't think to differentiate. At the point in life when I was going to such places, we called all of them bars and the only potential difference may have been the presence or lack of a dance floor. This probably comes from living in a relatively small (only about a million or so people) city at the time. Or possibly the geographic location.

    Anyway, there weren't a huge number of them, and we only went to some of them and those all had dance floors but also a 'bar' area (where you could just sit/stand and drink. Most also had an outdoor patio, sometimes with a second bar since the climate was such that being outdoors was nice all year round.

    Hm. You'd think that something would develop eventually, if only because people would want to save time. Or is it a situation in which straights don't care if they see two gay people together but are bothered if they get hit on by a gay person? And is this a relatively new phenomenon regardless of the details of how it works?

    Here in my part of the US (Virginia) it's not something you would see being done or done very often (and then only briefly). I will occasionally grab a swig out of my partners glass (not using the straw) if I'm thirsty and have run out of my drink or need to take a pill or something (and that's in a restaurant in a very gay-friendly part of town that we go to constantly and are known as regulars). But otherwise it's not something you do on a regular basis as it will get you strange looks and possibly more than just looks in most places.

    This does happen all the time. In the bars I was in there were only two (maybe three) bathrooms, almost no women, and a ton of guys who were drinking. So it's not like the ladies bathroom was just going to sit there empty. When I would go with friends, it was usually a mixed group and one or more of us would 'stand guard' outside the ladies room if one or more of the women had to go. Generally people were cool about it.

    Thanks for the info:slight_smile:

    Todd

    ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2013 at 09:21 PM ----------

    So it kind of sounds like it's acceptable to be openly gay in a (non-gay) bar, but less so to actually hit on someone who's straight. So you kind of have to feel the person out and try to figure out what they're looking for?

    Thanks!

    Todd:slight_smile:
     
  5. Harve

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    Ta for the info too!

    It's understandable for a straight guy not to like being hit on by another guy (but expected if you're somewhere gay) but it's definitely not their place to react to two guys or two girls getting with each other in a straight club if it doesn't have anything to do with them. So whether they 'care' is kinda irrelevant.
    If you were gay and went out specifically to pull someone, then you'd go to a gay club where it's fine to hit on someone of the same sex whether or not they're gay. But that's not to say it doesn't happen elsewhere.
    I'm normally too steaming to pay attention to any of this, so erm, yeah.

    And I meant just two guys sharing glasses/straws that are just friends, not your partner. It's a shame it even needs to be considered an 'issue' if it's your partner.

    And ha, I think a city with 1m people would be the largest in the UK outwith London - again it's interesting to see what's considered a 'small city'!
     
  6. Ianthe

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    The relevant question isn't whether people will care, but whether they will harass you or attack you. Unfortunately.
     
  7. Harve

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    Then that's a real shame. Although I do have a very rose-tinted view of the UK's nightlife, I suppose. Certain people will find any reason to start a fight whilst drunk, regardless of their nationality. I've just been constantly surprised at how safe the student-y places in my city are, especially given its reputation as one of the crime capitals of Europe or whatever. I've literally never encountered trouble, homophobic or otherwise.
     
  8. AKTodd

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    Erm. See, this is where things work really different in America...In the US, whether or not something has anything to do with us is only relevant if we want it to be. Two guys (ESPECIALLY two guys!) or two girls 'getting with each other' in a straight bar in most places here is going to likely get a reaction along the lines of...

    The staff may refuse to serve you and tell you to get out. If you're lucky.

    At least some of the patrons (who may or may not be sober) will look at you, remember that America is the greatest country in the world (no, they've never been anywhere else and that's totally beside the point), that it got that way because it is the most favored nation of God (they likely almost never go to church and that's totally beside the point), and that your perverted lifestyle is a direct affront to God and country. Besides where do you get off flaunting it in the face of good, decent people like themselves? In their bar where they just want to drink in peace and be left alone and now you came in and are showing off and ruining it for them. Obviously you need to learn something about manners. And them and their 2-3 friends are just the ones to teach ya. Maybe with the tire iron they got in their truck. Guess they'll find out.

    Bottom line: You really, REALLY do not want to do same-sex PDAs of any kind, or even spend too much time too far in each others personal space in most places in this country. There are exceptions in some of the larger cities and during some specific situations (pride events in some places for example, gay bars obviously) and things are (very) gradually changing. But it ain't there yet. Not by a long shot.


    See above - My relationship with my partner is a romantic fiction at best and an abomination actively spitting on everything that is good and decent in the world at worst as far as a sizable chunk of the population in this country is concerned. Yes, it is a shame, but it's also the way things are. We live in it all the time and mostly don't notice it. It's just the way things are.

    As far as city size is concerned, I just checked wikipedia and here is a list of cities in the US vs the UK:

    List of United States cities by population - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    List of urban areas in the United Kingdom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Looking at the US list, it looks like Tucson is only around half a million, theoretically smaller than I was there. Although I distinctly remember people speaking in terms of a million people living there. Oh well.

    Todd