Something weird is happening: until 1-2 weeks ago, I was so depressed I couldn't concentrate and couldn't sleep. I was forever worrying about all this sexuality stuff. Now, I feel like I'm happy, can be myself and I'm not really anxious anymore. I still think about all this but it doesn't affect me like it used to. I haven't felt like this for a looong time (over a year I'd say). Could it be that I've finally accepted myself??:icon_bigg I think several things have helped reaching this stage/feeling without me realizing straight away: - advice from everyone on EC (I was the one who asked "do the thoughts ever stop") Thanks everyone for your comments (*hug*) - reading through posts on EC - meeting my ex-boyfriend yesterday after 4 yrs of not seeing or contacting each other and realizing how over him I was and how delusional I must've been to fall for him (no offense to him!). It felt so good to finally look at him objectively without all the emotional bull crap! (!) Can anyone relate to this happy phase? Or am I just having a good day? Or have I gone completely crazy!? :lol:
I've had that happen to me, but it's more like one day I'm completely depressed, and the next day I'm so happy and optimistic. It changes daily for me. But that's great! (!)
If it lasts a week, it's probably not just a good day and is a more significant change in your mood. There's no guarantee it'll be permanent (they rarely are), but it definitely sounds like a legitimate happy phase. :icon_bigg I started a sudden happy phase myself last Tuesday. Up until then, this semester hadn't been a good one for me. A lot of my close friends have graduated, dropped out, transferred, or withdrawn, and I was really depressed about that. I was also stressing out over applying for research experiences and potentially internships so I'd have something to do over the summer that I could add to my resumé. Part of the problem was the lack of programs that are close by and my hesitation to go farther a few hours' drive, which really reduces my options. I was pouring over the application for one program in particular that was an applied mathematics internship. Problem is, all of my education has been theoretical, so when I got to the section that asked me to rate my experience with an interest in certain fields, they were all fields I had, at best, only heard of in passing. Flustered by this, I just closed the application's window on my laptop and walked away from the whole process for the day. On that day, I somewhat gave up on applying for stuff. (I've gotten my momentum back today, so maybe "gave up" isn't the right word, but I definitely took a break from thinking about it.) And my mood was lifted significantly. I was pretty constantly anxious and occasionally depressed before that day, but when I left my dorm after deciding to take a break, I was in an energetically good mood. Since then, my emotional low points haven't been nearly as bad as they were before that Tuesday, and my emotional highs have been way, way higher than they were before. Even the same stuff that got me down before that Tuesday just doesn't affect me anymore the way it used to. I guess stress really does a number on you.
I tend to be very anxious and depressed in the mornings, though not nearly as bad as I used to be, and throughout the day it gets progressively better. For example, in the morning I wake up thinking "I can't be gay. I can't do it...I don't want to be with a man, it's disgusting!" However, roll onto the end of the day when I'm all worn out I'm more thinking "Damn, I want c**k, and I want it in me now."
This made me laugh. OP, you sound a bit crazy but that is ok. You dont have to categorize, label and dichotomize everything in life, there are unknowns, ranges and variances. You have to learn how to ride the waves.
Mine's lasted for a couple decades now. I had a couple depressive episodes eat into it, but other than that... Lex
I'm not out to anyone, and usually I feel pretty shitty and down about myself, but occasionally I get this funny feeling of happiness and hope that everything will work out. It usually doesn't last long, though. Congrats to you if you've found yourself! Happiness is contagious, spread it as much as you can!
Yeah, i'm always randomly happy, for example I'm super happy now even though I have GCSE exams and an injection this week. I really have no idea why!
Sounds like you're at that, I made it through phase. Bad shit happens and you lived to tell the tale, just remeber that for the next time something shitty happens, it only makes you stonger
I'm in a general happy phase right now, I was sort of depressed from Grades 7 through 11 but from then on I guess something happened and I'm a much happier guy. There have been some lows for sure, but nowhere near as depressed as I was.
OMG this exact same thing happened to me today! Last night I was super depressed because I didn't (and for that matter am still not sure) if I'm gay but today just randomly I felt super good about myself. I think at least for me it was because the sun came out today.
Yes, I get that feeling sometimes. Especially back when I was still a bit confused, I would have these moments of acceptance and feeling like no matter who I am, it's ok. It's bit more leveled out now, but I still have my moments of wearing rainbow wristbands and blasting "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga while I'm driving...I pity the people in the lanes around me at red lights. :lol:
I got that its was simply wonderful. but it went away.. i think i might of regressed a bit because i feel pretty horribly again. but, hey, it has to improve sometime right?
I get such mood swings as well. Like I feel completely happy one week and then next one I'm totally miserable.
:roflmao: I love it! That's so funny! Yeah, I guess, just like everyone else, this happy phase won't last. But I'll enjoy it while it lasts! :icon_bigg And just a funny anecdote to share with you: today at work (it's a transcription agency, i.e. language-related), there was a group of Chinese people right next to where I was sitting talking about their transcriptions to their manager and all you could here was "gay" "gay" "gay" "gay". There were saying this sound in Chinese but in English it sounded like they were saying the word "gay" over and over. I thought that was pretty funny, especially since I was sitting right next to them. I should've said "Yes, I know I am. Now, will you shut up?" :lol:
That's what acceptance does for you! It's the only way to achieve that inner peace and serenity - accept yourself and the things in your life that you can't change. I've made it through and feel pretty good most of the time. I used antidepressants for over 3 years to help me through the worst of it, but now I have to remind myself once in a while that I'm no longer on my medication and I STILL feel good!
I'm so happy for you! Your "Do the thoughts ever stop" post was so helpful to me that I have kept it bookmarked for those bad days I can't stop worrying. I'm slowly starting to accept, and dare I say, enjoy being who I am... even if it means being confused! I've opened up to a few friends who have been (mostly) very supportive, which lifted a lot of weight off my chest. Right now I'm less concerned about what I am and more curious to explore and express these new feelings. For instance, the other night I was at a straight club with some friends and *yikes!* subtly flirted with a girl who looked like a stereotypical lesbian. She flirted back, and I was so excited that for a moment I completely forgot that what I was doing was gay! (She has a girlfriend) The next day fear and doubt returned, but at least I got a glimpse of what complete self-acceptance felt like I hope to hit a happy phase soon!